Does anyone else feel peace when thinking about ctb?

[vonvonwantpeace]

When I think of ctb I just feel peace and relieved its very calming, specially I have my SN.yayyyy We'll see if I'm still here in 2 months.

 

[oxymoron]

2 months a lot of time my friend. I waited 2 weeks and now I'm delusional af.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Yes and no. Peace when believe its the best place for me to be, out of this sad old existence, yet same time it doesn't feel peaceful to me, as so many unknowns, including not having a method worked out..................almost gets me all anxious. I crave peace, yet dont how to go about attaining it.

 

[issyishere]

it's the only thing that calms me down when im stressed

 

[Halo13]

It's always been a comfort to know I can ctb. Peaceful and relieving in that sense however scary to stress over failing. Double edged sword.

 

[Amossoma543]

When I think of ctb I just feel peace and relieved its very calming, specially I have my SN.yayyyy We'll see if I'm still here in 2 months.

I also just got the order of SN...and it's a calming feeling knowing that I can do it anytime I want. Of course I always could with the gun, but I would have a hard time overcoming my fear of firing the gun. But I do feel calmer knowing that I have an exit. I don't feel trapped.

 

[Ghost2211]

I have peace and fear.

 

[TAW122]

I have some peace and calmness, though there are times where I have a little bit of fear, mostly the fear of failing and ending up in a worse situation. Most of the time, I'm rather nonchalant and despondent, indifferent towards the things that are occurring around me. I'm already tired of this life and looking forward towards an exit.

 

[Mr. Peabody]

Yes, most definitely. A few days ago, on another thread, I wrote (in great detail) about how my preparations to CTB have brought me peace:

[…]

Having the means to CTB solidly within my control is in and of itself a huge relief for the overwhelming, debilitating anxieties that have been driving my all-obsessive suicidal ideations. I am no longer plagued by all the catastrophizing "what if" thoughts that tormented every waking minute of every excruciating day. The answer to every worst case scenario my anxieties scream at me is: "I have a bus ticket now, so I can choose not to have to deal with that if it were to happen."

[…]

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Yes, it calms me down. I have all the supplies near me. It helps me wait the moment when my SS friend will come and meet me. We may be partners or just spend normal holidays, but I know I have all the stuff to end the nightmare when I have the guts to.

 

[Nnana]

I was very stressed before but I felt so much peace after buying my rope. I just know I can grab it anytime if I can't take life anymore. It brings so much calm.

 

[needaplan]

First I was relieved when thinking about it, then I panicked and now I feel like in a weird dream. And even in my dreams I dreamed of dying, I dreamed of dead relatives more and more. It's a carousel.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I felt relief when my sn showed up because I know anytime I can start the process. Last night I fell asleep thinking the process out

 

[Xebsora29]

When I think of ctb I just feel peace and relieved its very calming, specially I have my SN.yayyyy We'll see if I'm still here in 2 months.

Yeah, unfortunately I do.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

Yup.

When i first wake up in the morning, and have to settle into the reality of my painful existence, i think about CTB almost immediately. A wave of relief rushes over me. This occurs again and again throughout the day.

I think about CTB almost obsessively at this point.

 

[Epsilon0]

When my illness flares up really bad, CTB is literally the only thing that can comfort me. The idea that one day I will no longer exist gives me peace.

 

[nihilist_fool]

I made a plan last night that I might follow, cut short, or not even end up doing. But just knowing it exists and I could enact my method whenever or follow the plan of action I made nearly made me cry tears of joy. I've attempted twice before, and nearly nothing about my life or self has improved.

It's security and freedom. I suppose there's irony in that.

 

[porfin1234]

I fantasized about it for months. It always brought me peace. Problem is it was a false sense of security. The more I realize how extremely difficult it would be to see it through, the scarier it is to know I probably have no real exit. That false sense of security has made me almost disassociate from reality and have done many many things that will have dire consequences.

But considering how many people have come to loathe me, I think the world would be best off without me in it. NPD. BPD. Bully. Etc etc.

 

[Deleted-User-0]

Yup.

When i first wake up in the morning, and have to settle into the reality of my painful existence, i think about CTB almost immediately. A wave of relief rushes over me. This occurs again and again throughout the day.

I think about CTB almost obsessively at this point.

That's exactly how I feel

 

[MoonMyWitness]

Intensely.

 

[LastRide]

Yup.

When i first wake up in the morning, and have to settle into the reality of my painful existence, i think about CTB almost immediately. A wave of relief rushes over me. This occurs again and again throughout the day.

I think about CTB almost obsessively at this point.

Oh I have that too ! But it's an obsesssion that has makes life so much more bearable right now, since I know it'll end soon and also nearly exactly how....I phantasize or daydream about my ctb several times a day, and it gives me feeling of rational calm, I don't get upset at all the bullshit around me anymore, I'd even go as far as saying it makes me feel superior, way above all those who are obsessed with annoying me and giving me a hard time.

 

[Deleted-User-0]

I relate my friend. I feel I'm being murdered 10 times everyday it's unbearable. The thought of CTB is the only thing that can calm me down a bit.
I'm in the process of sorting out my finances and going ahead with CTB hopefully in few months time.
I wish I could depart earlier but have a few things to sort out like selling my house and paying my parents etc

 

[Emily123]

I do and and it is an unfortunate . I can not make any descision . I like being alive but I have some terrible surgeries on my face(I wish there was a good punishment for awful surgeons who botch people for money) . I am not sure if it is fixable anymore or I can save money to do the third revision . I am not disapponited yet . So it is not still the time for me to CTB