Discussion Do you struggle with having empathy for other suicidal people?

[sanctionedusage]

Obligatory 'not asking if your heart bleeds for every suicidal person ever.' But out of everyone's story/situations you come into contact with here, how often do you feel irritated by, neutral, or actually sad for the person?

And do you think your position is unique to the suicidal on sasu or is it consistent with how empathetic you are in general, outside of the topic/site? Have you become desensitized?


I have little to no empathy in general, and the times where I do feel upset for someone definitely stand out as an anomaly and a surprise. But I also have a similar apathy towards myself.

 

[idiotmother]

Honestly, I get irritated at people who are on here for being virgins or break ups. There's so much more to life than those things, so many things to experience. I'm someone who's been damaged, mentally and physically, by medication and quality of life has completely nosedived and no one in the medical field is able to help me. I'd kill to have being a virgin be my issue. it's also not nice of me to judge, but it's hard not to knowing how much I, and others on here, have really have suffered and lost. Lives completely destroyed by psychiatry, it's criminal.

I feel for people on here with chronic illness, lots of people really at war with their bodies and it's devastating.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Bold of you to assume i have empathy to begin with !

 

[LastNite]

Any incel. They're weird and violent in everyway possible. "Oh that woman didnt let me have sex with her grrr, I must destroy all women and end my life in the end." This is the peak definition of a loser. Ive seen many of them online. Almost always they have a profile pic of that guy who killed a bunch of women and random people, his name is elliot rodger. He hated women and men who were successful with women.

 

[sanctionedusage]

Honestly, I get irritated at people who are on here for being virgins or break ups. There's so much more to life than those things, so many things to experience. I'm someone who's been damaged, mentally and physically, by medication and quality of life has completely nosedived and no one in the medical field is able to help me. I'd kill to have being a virgin be my issue. it's also not nice of me to judge, but it's hard not to knowing how much I, and others on here, have really have suffered and lost. Lives completely destroyed by psychiatry, it's criminal.

I feel for people on here with chronic illness, lots of people really at war with their bodies and it's devastating.

i've been kicked off forums for trolling because of the number of people flooding the space venting about being short, women not liking them, their race (and only how women don't like that race, fucking lol), tinder not working out, etc. It sounds genuinely evil to be banned from a suicide prevention forum without context! But it truly became an abuse of the resource where you could come in for any minor inconvenience and flood the space— as long as you prefaced it with "im gonna kill myself bc." and somehow, it was always this specific sex/relationship theme, never any other first world problem. like actual primates, reduced to the same ultimate purpose to breed and procreate shared with unicellular organisms who haven't gone through millenia of evolution. i'm not aromantic nor asexual, ive dealt with unrequited affection and codependency, superficially low esteem for a long time. but it gets to a point where you just need to get over yourself, seriously. i never thought i'd be mad that people didn't have better reasons to kill themselves.

I did need to take a break the other day after reading someone's vent about chronic illness/pain and living as an adult with the likelihood of all of that being permanent. Chronic illness is one of those things most people could never understand, but even a taste of it sends you reeling with a deep respect for anyone dealing with it.

 

[starsofevernight]

Honestly, I get irritated at people who are on here for being virgins or break ups. There's so much more to life than those things, so many things to experience. I'm someone who's been damaged, mentally and physically, by medication and quality of life has completely nosedived and no one in the medical field is able to help me. I'd kill to have being a virgin be my issue. it's also not nice of me to judge, but it's hard not to knowing how much I, and others on here, have really have suffered and lost. Lives completely destroyed by psychiatry, it's criminal.

I feel for people on here with chronic illness, lots of people really at war with their bodies and it's devastating.

Same. I don't think my life was ruined by psychiatry—I definitely needed medicine and mental health support for my psychosis / CPTSD / DID etc. But even then, my combination of mental illnesses and trauma from abuse, homelessness, s/a are debilitating. And antipsychotic medication kind of zombifies you.

I'm not against mental health care. It works, just not enough. Suicide services/hotlines barely do anything. People always say to try harder, I had a foster carer say that the wish to CTB was selfish and I needed to commit to therapy. But I do. I am. And yet my life is still shit—I feel like people condemning me for wanting to die are the selfish ones. You want me to keep suffering like this so you don't have to feel like a bad person? I'm no one's favourite anyway.

I would give anything to just be upset I can't get laid.

I really hope things get better for you, that your quality of life improves so you don't need to CTB to end the pain. I understand why it's so hard to push through, though.

 

[katara]

Honestly, I get irritated at people who are on here for being virgins or break ups. There's so much more to life than those things, so many things to experience. I'm someone who's been damaged, mentally and physically, by medication and quality of life has completely nosedived and no one in the medical field is able to help me. I'd kill to have being a virgin be my issue. it's also not nice of me to judge, but it's hard not to knowing how much I, and others on here, have really have suffered and lost. Lives completely destroyed by psychiatry, it's criminal.

I feel for people on here with chronic illness, lots of people really at war with their bodies and it's devastating.

Same I wish they weren't allowed on here. I've seen more than a few posts from guys who are depressed bc they want to date an anime girl. They aren't even interested in women and i pointed out to a mod that those characters look like children. I think it's dangerous to allow them on this site, but the mods never do anything

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can probably understand why anyone would want to kill themselves but then, that's because I think life is difficult in lots of ways and I'm a cynical pessimist.

As for the nuances of it all. I have less patience than I would like sometimes. Some things will trigger me too because they'll touch on things I'm struggling with. I'm not immune from envy etc.

I'm reasonably empathetic. If someone says they are struggling, I'll try to picture myself in their shoes and, figure out how that might feel. I'll also try to remind myself that we can't even fully know how someone else feels. Things could indeed feel unbearable for them- no matter the cause.

Where I'm not so great is when people clearly still want things. They're lonely. They don't have a partner or job but, they don't seem to be taking any action to get those things. Of course- there likely are things holding them back- social anxiety, fear of rejection, (lack of) money, fear of inadequacy etc.

Partly it's because that's a reflection of a frustration with myself- to give in to fears. But then, I don't even crave the things that facing them might yield now.

But, I suppose as well- sometimes I have put myself in uncomfortable situations. I have worked hard and suffered to get (some of) the things I wanted. So, I suppose there is a frustration towards people who moan but don't take action. That extends to real life too. I can appreciate that they may be up against tougher odds than I was but then- that's always difficult to guage I find. How do we know that person is suffering more than us? But then, I also hate the whole 'pain olympics' thing too!

Out of interest OP- do you need other people to feel sorry for you? Do you want them to think your potential suicide would be justified?

For me, it varies. There are some things in my life, it's been more important people take me seriously on. The effect of having been bullied by a (suspected) narcissist is one. That's partly a hangover from people taking their side. As for my current life though, I wouldn't really expect pity for that. It's probably fairly reasonable compared to others. I don't really care what people think though. Ultimately, it's me having to sustain the thing.

I think more than anything, even though someone can write in detail about their life, my greatest sense reading posts is that I simply don't know. I don't know how it feels to be them. Worse- I don't know what options are feasibly open to them. What they do in fact have the potential for. That's what makes suicide so tricky I suppose. But then, I also believe that no one knows us better than ourselves. Also, what we are even willing to do to try to turn things around. I actually think: 'I don't want to' is a reasonable position to take. (For non parents anyway.)

 

[NonEssential]

I sympathize, not empathize. if that makes any sense.

Overall I have felt both envy and guilt too when reading some posts, thinking I'd prefer to be in their position instead and vice versa as in being kinda glad I don't have it as bad as some here.

 

[colorlesshue]

as someone who was sexually abused, I can't stand incels or men who want to kill themselves because their a virgin??? or a woman wont sleep with them?? like oh my GOD get a grip dude, i promise theres more than life than sex and their frankly just scary because those people can be dangerous.

 

[NutOrat]

I think I'm on the other side of this - feeling like my problems are far lesser than so many peoples' here. They really struggle while I just bitch about laziness or whatever, and do nothing. It's imposter syndrome, but maybe I really am just an imposter. I feel disgusting, like I'm taunting with these posts I make, look at how much easier it is for me, but I want to die boo-hoo.

I'll also try to remind myself that we can't even fully know how someone else feels. Things could indeed feel unbearable for them- no matter the cause.

On the other hand, I agree with Forever Sleep, you don't know what's happening in any person's head. Maybe what they say is their reason to want to ctb is just one of many, and it's the one that's easier for them to fixate on. Many inner problems are not apparent, especially if you don't work to discover them, like with a mental health professional, or other means of self-discovery. Also, remember that nobody here consented to being born in the first place, so we all share at least that. Ultimately, I too try to remind myself that I can't judge others, and maybe it comes to me easier, since I feel like my own issues are not severe enough, so I don't have a "right" to judge, but I know it's hard. Empathy is hard in general, you're expanding your energy on emotions, even if you don't actively do anything.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I'm on the other side of this - feeling like my problems are far lesser than so many peoples' here. They really struggle while I just bitch about laziness or whatever, and do nothing. It's imposter syndrome, but maybe I really am just an imposter. I feel disgusting, like I'm taunting with these posts I make, look at how much easier it is for me, but I want to die boo-hoo.



On the other hand, I agree with Forever Sleep, you don't know what's happening in any person's head. Maybe what they say is their reason to want to ctb is just one of many, and it's the one that's easier for them to fixate on. Many inner problems are not apparent, especially if you don't work to discover them, like with a mental health professional, or other means of self-discovery. Also, remember that nobody here consented to being born in the first place, so we all share at least that. Ultimately, I too try to remind myself that I can't judge others, and maybe it comes to me easier, since I feel like my own issues are not severe enough, so I don't have a "right" to judge, but I know it's hard. Empathy is hard in general, you're expanding your energy on emotions, even if you don't actively do anything.

I think we're just complex beings in general really. Maybe we can't always help being triggered by certain things. We likely have our own shit histories that cause that in turn. I try to ask myself whether I'm being fair now more or, whether I'm forming thoughts around my own biases and triggers.

But yes- I agree. Not everyone will spill their whole life history here. They may not want to dox themselves for one. But, some things may be too private or painful to talk about. Maybe we also have tried to forget certain things and, even a description doesn't really do justice to an experience necessarily.

I find that really. If I try to describe the bullying I went through as a child, it just sounds kind of petty and stupid now. At the time though, it was devastating enough for me to start thinking about suicide to get away from it/ them. It's hard to put into words how scared and unhappy I was back then.

The other problem is not knowing how easily solved someone else's situation is. I think it's a bit like that phrase: 'The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.' We maybe all look at others and focus on the positive things they do seem to have. Or, we can't really guage how difficult it would be for them to get what they need.

I don't think you should feel bad though. I think anyone who goes looking for a suicide forum must be struggling a great deal. Plus, there are reasons we are lazy. I know that I am. I suppose I get caught up between it being justifiable- I'm suicidal. Why should I bother with anything ultimately? But then, I think it's ingrained into so many of us that lazyness is almost sinful. I suppose it is labelled a sin- sloth or whatever.

I tend to argue that we still have a choice. But then, the choice to do the more positive, usual thing has to be appealing. So- is it ultimately our fault if it isn't that appealing?

 

[marksofdespair]

Honestly, I get irritated at people who are on here for being virgins or break ups. There's so much more to life than those things, so many things to experience. I'm someone who's been damaged, mentally and physically, by medication and quality of life has completely nosedived and no one in the medical field is able to help me. I'd kill to have being a virgin be my issue. it's also not nice of me to judge, but it's hard not to knowing how much I, and others on here, have really have suffered and lost. Lives completely destroyed by psychiatry, it's criminal.

I feel for people on here with chronic illness, lots of people really at war with their bodies and it's devastating.

I personally can understand a breakup. I was deathly obsessed and madly in love with the last girl I spoke to and whenever hinted she wanted to leave me I would have a mental episode. Then when she actually and finally did I attempted suicide. Heartbreaks are no joke but it was probably just worse because of how crazy my ocd makes me act when I like someone. I do however agree that saying you want to end your life just because you have not lost your virginity is ridiculous....

 

[NonEssential]

I personally can understand a breakup. I was deathly obsessed and madly in love with the last girl I spoke to and whenever hinted she wanted to leave me I would have a mental episode. Then when she actually and finally did I attempted suicide. Heartbreaks are no joke but it was probably just worse because of how crazy my ocd makes me act when I like someone. I do however agree that saying you want to end your life just because you have not lost your virginity is ridiculous....

I wonder for how many it actually is that simple as "I want to kms because I'm a virgin."
For me it's just like virginity is a small piece of evidence that I'm undesired, worthless, and overall pathetic, it's not a core reason at all.

 

[sanctionedusage]

Out of interest OP- do you need other people to feel sorry for you? Do you want them to think your potential suicide would be justified?

no; no. my question came about because i wondered if my own lack of empathy is weird, or common, at least in this context lol

Maybe what they say is their reason to want to ctb is just one of many, and it's the one that's easier for them to fixate on.

this is exactly what i've concluded, giving them the most benefit of the doubt. it could definitely be argued that the kind of person who would kill themselves over something as menial as sex or men/women is likely actually killing themselves because of a disorder which contorts reality and magnifies small problems into monumental ones— and they can never see past it. that, and/or a mental block that keeps this small issue at the forefront while concealing the gravity of heavier problems behind it out of self preservation, even in death.

 

[Forveleth]

Yes and no. I feel for anyone who feels they have no other option but to kill themselves. Similar to "are there bad reasons to kill yourself", I never fault anyone for why they want to die because the reason may vary, but the sadness and desperation is the same for everyone.

However, I do roll my eyes at the reason sometimes. For instance those (obviously younger) people who failed a test at school, who broke up with their gf/bf and will "never find love again". Also the people who make posts drenched with self-pity ("I am too xyz and no one will ever love me"). Not gonna like, I do sometimes feel like posting a metaphorical slap in the face and saying "get over yourself". On the other hand, I have been there and I understand where they are coming from. When I was younger, I got teased a lot for how I looked so I was one of those "I am ugly and just want to die" people. It is a lack of maturity that usually leads people to want to die for these reasons and I can not exactly fault the younger crowd for a lack of something that comes, generally, only with age.

If I see that is where someone's post is heading, I just do not say anything and move on as it is not something I am equipped to handle. I think this is a lack of empathy which is not limited to suicide or SaSu. I think it stems from emotional exhaustion. I am emotionally drained at this point and really do not have much expression of any type. I spent my life feeling for everyone else and I am burned out on it.

 

[JesiBel]

I am in a void in which I feel nothing for myself, for others, or for the environment.

There's really no point in creating a thousand threads expressing your desire to die; that won't solve anything. Perhaps for some, receiving a comment or reaction is enough comfort (as it happens on social networks, they only serve to get a little attention). I don't know, maybe I'm being too negative as always.

I think what bothers me most is the lack of seriousness seen here lately. No one bothers to use the search bar; people always ask the same questions, and they don't even make an effort to create a decent thread if they want specific information.

 

[idiotmother]

i've been kicked off forums for trolling because of the number of people flooding the space venting about being short, women not liking them, their race (and only how women don't like that race, fucking lol), tinder not working out, etc. It sounds genuinely evil to be banned from a suicide prevention forum without context! But it truly became an abuse of the resource where you could come in for any minor inconvenience and flood the space— as long as you prefaced it with "im gonna kill myself bc." and somehow, it was always this specific sex/relationship theme, never any other first world problem. like actual primates, reduced to the same ultimate purpose to breed and procreate shared with unicellular organisms who haven't gone through millenia of evolution. i'm not aromantic nor asexual, ive dealt with unrequited affection and codependency, superficially low esteem for a long time. but it gets to a point where you just need to get over yourself, seriously. i never thought i'd be mad that people didn't have better reasons to kill themselves.

I did need to take a break the other day after reading someone's vent about chronic illness/pain and living as an adult with the likelihood of all of that being permanent. Chronic illness is one of those things most people could never understand, but even a taste of it sends you reeling with a deep respect for anyone dealing with it.

"Never thought I'd be mad that people didn't have better reasons to kill themselves," me neither! And then I feel kind of guilty because I've also suffered from never finding true love and codependency but it's nothing compared to the med injuries.

The subreddit "suicide watch" is flooded with people wanting to kill themselves for ridiculous reasons . I got banned for complaining about a person wanting to kill themself for being bad at a video game. Thought it was absolutely ludicrous, but then again, the person could have some diagnosis I know nothing about. It just really irritated me. Idk it felt almost insulting to individuals who actually suffer every hour of everyday.

 

[sanctionedusage]

The subreddit "suicide watch" is flooded with people wanting to kill themselves for ridiculous reasons . I got banned for complaining about a person wanting to kill themself for being bad at a video game. Thought it was absolutely ludicrous, but then again, the person could have some diagnosis I know nothing about. It just really irritated me. Idk it felt almost insulting to individuals who actually suffer every hour of everyday.

lmao that one's exactly what i was referencing. the few other posts of minors suffering emotional abuse from their parents or even sexual violence victims would get barely any traction or support. i realized 90% of the lurkers were also the adults whining about first world problems, thus posting the most and interacting the most to posts like those while ignoring people who had less palatable traumas and uncommon or complicated issues. my crisis post never even got approved after 2 weeks. it HAS to be a mod circle jerk, there's no way.

i'd imagine you already know about it, but i do recommend r/therapyabuse if you have experience with psychiatric medical negligence. the people there were seriously the only reason i ended up getting half as well as i am now. i was floored when several people took the time to read through a 1k word post and responded so intentionally and carefully.

 

[idiotmother]

Same I wish they weren't allowed on here. I've seen more than a few posts from guys who are depressed bc they want to date an anime girl. They aren't even interested in women and i pointed out to a mod that those characters look like children. I think it's dangerous to allow them on this site, but the mods never do anything

They sound incredibly spoiled and privelaged if that's their complaint. And yes, the anime girls do resemble vchildren, very creepy.

Same. I don't think my life was ruined by psychiatry—I definitely needed medicine and mental health support for my psychosis / CPTSD / DID etc. But even then, my combination of mental illnesses and trauma from abuse, homelessness, s/a are debilitating. And antipsychotic medication kind of zombifies you.

I'm not against mental health care. It works, just not enough. Suicide services/hotlines barely do anything. People always say to try harder, I had a foster carer say that the wish to CTB was selfish and I needed to commit to therapy. But I do. I am. And yet my life is still shit—I feel like people condemning me for wanting to die are the selfish ones. You want me to keep suffering like this so you don't have to feel like a bad person? I'm no one's favourite anyway.

I would give anything to just be upset I can't get laid.

I really hope things get better for you, that your quality of life improves so you don't need to CTB to end the pain. I understand why it's so hard to push through, though.

I hate peoples saying how selfish suicide is. They have no idea the internal struggle and pain, even if they think they do. It's infuriating, especially when it's therapists or professionals talking like that. They are completely backwards. And you're right, it's selfish to expect someone to suffer and stay alive for everyone else.

I'm sorry for all your horrific trauma, it sounds like it's made life pretty unliveable for you. And you're right about the mental health systems. They are useless, they either don't do enough or they push to do too much, especially with meds in my case. But with others , they just kinda leave them out to dry . Medicine is strictly industry now it seems, there's little humanity left in it.

Thank you for your well wishes, I hope you can continue on as well. And yes the anti psychotics zombify people and they are near impossible to get off of. Just stuck.

I personally can understand a breakup. I was deathly obsessed and madly in love with the last girl I spoke to and whenever hinted she wanted to leave me I would have a mental episode. Then when she actually and finally did I attempted suicide. Heartbreaks are no joke but it was probably just worse because of how crazy my ocd makes me act when I like someone. I do however agree that saying you want to end your life just because you have not lost your virginity is ridiculous....

I'm sorry for your pain, and I hope I didn't insult you with my opinions. It is dreadful to have your heart broken especially when you place so much emphasis on a particular person.

 

[idiotmother]

lmao that one's exactly what i was referencing. the few other posts of minors suffering emotional abuse from their parents or even sexual violence victims would get barely any traction or support. i realized 90% of the lurkers were also the adults whining about first world problems, thus posting the most and interacting the most to posts like those while ignoring people who had less palatable traumas and uncommon or complicated issues. my crisis post never even got approved after 2 weeks. it HAS to be a mod circle jerk, there's no way.

i'd imagine you already know about it, but i do recommend r/therapyabuse if you have experience with psychiatric medical negligence. the people there were seriously the only reason i ended up getting half as well as i am now. i was floored when several people took the time to read through a 1k word post and responded so intentionally and carefully.

I tried posting there and my posts either never got approved, or were taken down for being too "whatever," yet people would post there goriest, traumatizing shit on there! It made no sense, I had edited myself down really well and still wasn't allowed to post. Some definite circle jerking going on there for real.

I've never heard of the therapy abuse sub but I will check it out now that you've mentioned it. Thanks!