Discussion Do you really think you’ll ever go through with it?

[devoutweiss]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

Once I find the proper method and have full confidence in it, yes.

 

[Beautiful Angel]

I know I will very soon! I have spent the past five years giving my all to try a build a better life to leave behind something that can be remembered about me other than all my mistakes! ( which by the way all people think of is the past) with this realization I know in my soul I will never be forgiven or excepted by the ones I've needed Instead I was left to the wolves I did the best I could! At some times I was impressed with myself! Other times when all I needed was alittle help from others they stubbornly turned there backs! My soul is tired my body is given out so it's extremely hard to keep fighting when I cant work like i use to! SURE I WANTED TO LIVE AND LOVE But damaged people that had to put everything on me so they could feel better about them DAMAGED ME BEYOND COMING BACK FROM IT BECAUSE NOW ALL I WANT IS TO GO I WANT TO FEEL THE ONLY PEACE I AVAILABLE TO ME WHEN THAT LAST BREATH LEAVES MY BODY! I WANT THE PAIN TO END I WILL BE A THOUGHT INSTEAD OF A PROBLEM!

F.Y.I. I perceive myself to be a loving sweet caring person that loved EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF THEIR WAYS! But was so hard for anyone to love or even care about ME! Yes, it can be said to you but to a person who feels very deeply we need to also feel what is being said!

If I stayed it would not be fair to me! My dreams were crushed years ago when my only purpose was taking! Being a mother was ripped away!
So yeah i could stay and endure the constant reminder but what for to torture myself!

HUMANITY SUCKS THE BAD OUTWEIGHS THE GOOD

 

[suicidalloser]

yes. if some where to sever final kismet
that would be what breaks me and si.

 

[Altaexbiri]

Doesn't feel like I have it in me. I have been actively suicidal for 4 years and am still here. I just want to overdose but I don't want to get hospitalised again. I'm exhausted.

 

[alonely]

I think I would if I had my items for it. I could easily get my items for it. I haven't worked up the energy to go get the items, I think in part because I know that getting it would be final.

 

[lokabe82]

I'm not really sure. I want to do it and I'm planning to do it. I keep getting closer and closer in my planning. I do it as nonchalantly as sipping a bottle of water. This is the first time I have ever actually researched and actually planned my method. I think the only person who would ever know the answer to that is the future me.

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

I've proven myself ready. I did kill my self for about 10 minutes and they thought I was brain dead (GCS-3T) for a while after. Put on ECMO and CRRT to save my organs and tissues. But my dumbass is indestructible and I came out of it with a brain injury almost no one survives and even fewer have meaningful life as a non-vegetable thereafter if they do survive. and I've been planning something foolproof slowly ever since.

 

[ares0027]

So far something happened everytime. A friend woke me up, another threatened me, another begged me etc. tomorrow i start my fasting, dropped hints (still had hopes that people would help in a way to fix everything) but played "smarter" this time. I am hiding in plain sight. My SN and other stuff are all around, nothing is hidden, my mother is staying with me thinking it is just a stomach relief stuff. Tomorrow night at 00:00 i will start fasting, tell my mother i am experimenting for my snoring and will close the door and tell her not to come because i will be recording sounds for my doctor to analyze but instead lock it and make sure she does not try to come in incase i make weird sounds. So less than 46 hours now. I think i am going through it.

I've proven myself ready. I did kill my self for about 10 minutes and they thought I was brain dead (GCS-3T) for a while after. Put on ECMO and CRRT to save my organs and tissues. But my dumbass is indestructible and I came out of it with a brain injury almost no one survives and even fewer have meaningful life as a non-vegetable thereafter if they do survive. and I've been planning something foolproof slowly ever since.

May i ask what was your attempt? Please dont say SN, i feel like hanging?

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

So far something happened everytime. A friend woke me up, another threatened me, another begged me etc. tomorrow i start my fasting, dropped hints (still had hopes that people would help in a way to fix everything) but played "smarter" this time. I am hiding in plain sight. My SN and other stuff are all around, nothing is hidden, my mother is staying with me thinking it is just a stomach relief stuff. Tomorrow night at 00:00 i will start fasting, tell my mother i am experimenting for my snoring and will close the door and tell her not to come because i will be recording sounds for my doctor to analyze but instead lock it and make sure she does not try to come in incase i make weird sounds. So less than 46 hours now. I think i am going through it.

May i ask what was your attempt? Please dont say SN, i feel like hanging?

No it was amitriptyline. It was going great! it was peaceful and everything. But it takes too long and I never account for so many people looking to me to the point of breaking into my house - 40 hours after initiation of my cocktail.

 

[ares0027]

No it was amitriptyline. It was going great! it was peaceful and everything. But it takes too long and I never account for so many people looking to me to the point of breaking into my house - 40 hours after initiation of my cocktail.

Fuuuk man. 40 hours and it was still going? I feel you :( i hope it goes as you wish from now on. I read about 4-5 hours cases for SN and they make me extremely anxious. Not the pain or anything but i just want it to be done in 10-15 minutes. I am really jealous of those cases. And i dont really want people to "help" me.

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

Fuuuk man. 40 hours and it was still going? I feel you :( i hope it goes as you wish from now on. I read about 4-5 hours cases for SN and they make me extremely anxious. Not the pain or anything but i just want it to be done in 10-15 minutes. I am really jealous of those cases. And i dont really want people to "help" me.

I drifted off peacefully with some high end bourbon and a gram of quetiapine, 300mg of zolpidem, and some meto in addition. I was out within 30 minutes, I remerged all of it. Best feeling of my life. So accomplished feeling. then 2 weeks later I wake up with a breathing tube to being rolled on my side and having my ass wiped. All thought I was a vegetable.

 

[ares0027]

I drifted off peacefully with some high end bourbon and a gram of quetiapine, 300mg of zolpidem, and some meto in addition. I was out within 30 minutes, I remerged all of it. Best feeling of my life. So accomplished feeling. then 2 weeks later I wake up with a breathing tube to being rolled on my side and having my ass wiped. All thought I was a vegetable.

Not a good feeling at the end :( and brain damage is the scariest thing to me. I am not handsome, i am not rich, i am not anything but i think i am slightly above average when it comes to intelligence and losing it or being impaired is my worst fear. Especially the idea of being "in there" but not showing it therefore everyone behave as if i am a moron….

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

Not a good feeling at the end :( and brain damage is the scariest thing to me. I am not handsome, i am not rich, i am not anything but i think i am slightly above average when it comes to intelligence and losing it or being impaired is my worst fear. Especially the idea of being "in there" but not showing it therefore everyone behave as if i am a moron….

It was an uncommon presentation of anoxic brain injury. I started out extremely sharp and intelligent, I used to fly EMS helicopters and airliners and have a degree in AeroSci. But I feel like some deficits happened, however I'm now about to fail at the end of nursing school after holding up a 3.7gpa. The brain damage presents mostly as damage to my hypothalamus so I have weird body temperature aberrations. I had coordination issues at first, couldn't Use my left arm and could navigate down stairs but I could go up stairs. I had pseudobulbar affect at first. Had uncontrollable hiccups for like 6 months. Luckily now I just feel like hell all the time without much real deficit. God knows how much damage I did to my lungs and kidneys and liver. They all are testing well at this juncture. I never knowingly had Covid.

 

[ares0027]

It was an uncommon presentation of anoxic brain injury. I started out extremely sharp and intelligent, I used to fly EMS helicopters and airliners and have a degree in AeroSci. But I feel like some deficits happened, however I'm not about to fail at the end of nursing school after holding up a 3.7gpa. The brain damage presents mostly as damage to my hypothalamus so I have weird body temperature aberrations. I had coordination issues at first, couldn't Use my left arm and could navigate down stairs but I could go up stairs. I had pseudobulbar affect at first. Had uncontrollable hiccups for like 6 months. Luckily now I just feel like hell all the time without much real deficit. God knows how much damage I did to my lungs and kidneys and liver. They all are testing well at this juncture. I never knowingly had Covid.

Like i said man, i hope your life, your journey, whatever you call it, goes the way you want it, let it be happy or sad. (Some do like sad lives dont they?)

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

It was an uncommon presentation of anoxic brain injury. I started out extremely sharp and intelligent, I used to fly EMS helicopters and airliners and have a degree in AeroSci. But I feel like some deficits happened, however I'm now about to fail at the end of nursing school after holding up a 3.7gpa. The brain damage presents mostly as damage to my hypothalamus so I have weird body temperature aberrations. I had coordination issues at first, couldn't Use my left arm and could navigate down stairs but I could go up stairs. I had pseudobulbar affect at first. Had uncontrollable hiccups for like 6 months. Luckily now I just feel like hell all the time without much real deficit. God knows how much damage I did to my lungs and kidneys and liver. They all are testing well at this juncture. I never knowingly had Covid.

I also did not lose a single minute of memory

 

[Huggs]

Yes. What's stopping me at the moment is not knowing where to purchase what I need, and some guilt. I've been researching and I believe I'll find what I need and hope to pass away very soon.

 

[Catloaf]

My clock is ticking anyway due to illness, so, yes. I'd rather leave on my own terms than sit around and wait for my last day.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

yes. i have no other choice, the other option is to live another 60 years of a miserable life in absolute agony.

i have a good opportunity to ctb in like 1 week