Discussion Do you really think you’ll ever go through with it?

[Blackroom_57]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

 

[StringPuppet]

Someday yes. If I don't I'm positive my life will only get worse

 

[hungry_ghost]

I think once I lose access to basic shelter, food, and amenities, I'll have the motivation needed to go.

Right now my survival needs are being met at the expense of an elderly parent, and once they finally pass away, I'll pretty much have nothing.

There's already the guilt of living off of them as it is, but it isn't enough to compel me to destroy myself physically.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly believe that if I had a method like N I would be long gone at this point, but the unfortunate reality is that I don't. But anyway, the thought of existing here for potentially decades is unbearable to me and I don't even want to think about it, so I can only hope that eventually I will find a way to free myself from this hellish world.

 

[jodes2]

Maybe. I'm partially recovering but still pretty fed up. But I don't think my threshold is low enough to CTB for a while, I'm too comfortable. Not happy but comfortable I guess. Stuck in limbo, it sucks

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope so but honestly- I really don't know for sure. I don't feel like I can at the moment anyway- while my Dad is still alive. I'm about to start a new job. That I suspect will either make me go one way or the other in terms of regaining or further losing any will to live.

 

[hunterfla]

I will this year, for sure.

 

[HybridSpectre]

Note that it's never about the event, for that's just the ultimate consequence brought about by a series of causes, whatever they may be. So it depends. I didn't become suicidal for no reason. For me I'm loosely biding my time hoping that maybe the state of my existence in this life changes for the better, maybe the brokenness in the world gets healed somehow, maybe life magically becomes fair, maybe ... . I guess there are still some threads left in the tether to this life left for me to continue holding onto, but one thread after the other snaps as time passes. Soon all threads in the tether will be no more and my patience in hoping for greener pastures will be long gone. Then, my will to persist in this dreadful existence of a life will be overpowered by my will to seek peace in death. Then my suicidal ideation will see the light of day.

 

[Sadgirldaisy]

I want to so badly, but I keep trying to find the most convenient time for everyone else. Maybe I'll eventually succumb to just inconveniencing everyone instead of waiting for a perfect time

 

[LunaXCBN]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

The idea of death is euphoric for me, so once I'm done with my bizzo in life then I think I'll bounce.
I still have reason to go on but FUCK is it hard

 

[GasMonkey]

Totally.

 

[stermc]

If I want to, yes. For sure.

 

[TapeMachine]

Yeah, I'm gathering knowledge and a (hopefully) solid plan first.

And I also want to enjoy my wardrobe for a moment longer before I go...I know that's such a stupid reason, trust me, I do recognize that; but I don't think anyone who will own these garments after me will ever love and appreciate them as much as I do. They are the only warmth and comfort I've felt in a long time.

So yeah, I'm going to go through with my ctb; but it could be a couple months, a year, who knows? Sad that the main thing holding me here is some clothing.. this isn't much of a life..

 

[outrider567]

Yes--I actually died when she did, I'm just a shell of who I once was

 

[fuzzy-clown]

50% chance. It's agonizing to want to die so badly but feel like I have to stay alive for others.

 

[sheepgirl]

I've been trying to get better for 10 years. No matter how hard I try I still have this feeling inside me my death will be by suicide. Wether it's in a month or 20 years time I believe I will end my own life.

 

[Kurushii]

I hope that one day when living is no longer worth it for me, I'll be able to. I attempted a few times before and SI always got in my way, so maybe it will again. No matter how much joy I'm experiencing in a particular moment, I will always want to not be of this earth. I believe that I will have to cut off all ties to this world in order to actually go through with catching my bus, and I'm honestly not sure if I can do that. I don't allow myself to cut ties in case if I change my mind or if the attempt fails. I wouldn't want to burn any bridges and end up regretting it after, and having an even more difficult life to deal with. I like keeping my options open but maybe that reason precisely is why I wouldn't be able to do it.Thinking about my fate with death is a scary and frightful thought, but is also a soothe calming sea of comfort. No matter how bad it is now, it will be over one day.

I think I will always desire death. And if I dont, well... I dont see that happening at all, ever. It's not possible for me to imagine any future in which I don't want to die.

 

[enditplz]

I've thought about kms for almost my entire life. I'm in my 30s and I still don't think I'll ever be happy, so why continue living in misery. I just bought life insurance and have marked the date when the suicide clause is over. I've also put in the order for my main method of ctb and a backup method. I'll hold on to them until the date rolls around. I'm ready to leave mentally, just got to make sure my affairs are in order beforehand.

 

[leopard_gec]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

I rarely finish my plans, thinking about never ending my life gives me so much internal termoil and anxiety, I really hope CTB is one of those things that I do go through with

 

[Sargasso]

I am currently working to erode my relationships with everybody else in my life down to where my suicide will not impact them. Once they are out of my life it will be easier.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I see no reason why I won't follow through as soon as I'm ready, which isn't all that far off.

 

[the_internet]

Oh yeah 100%, I'm under proper treatment, and I feel alright most of the time, but I just feel life is boring and pointless, I don't want to go to work everyday, get married, get some kids, and die in 70s or 80s. I don't want to go through all that

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I sure hope so.

 

[Kush-Chronic]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

It's a slow road. Full of fear and doubt. My problem has always been that I don't want to die in agony. But on the other side is all the pain, emptiness and despair.

I would say I have a plan and I will go through with it.

 

[feels_like_rain]

I have no current plans to do it. Ideally, if i make it to old age, i'd find the right time while i'm still lucid. Really live it up and do what i want for about a week, then do it when the weather is beautiful and i feel like i've lived enough.
I'll probably die of something stupid sooner though, and that terrifies me. I want to choose my time to go.

But suicidal ideation, oh my god. Fantasizing of suicide when i feel trapped in a situation is sometimes what pulls me through. I feel like it's there for me to fall back on, even though i won't do it. Just knowing it IS an option is so calming.

And i'm kind of obsessed with it in some weird way? I read (fiction) books about it, i picture myself doing it, i read about different methods.
I even bought SN. It's approximately five feet away from me as i type this, along with metoclopramide and instructions for the entire process.

I guess i like knowing i always have something to fall back on if i need it.

 

[sunnydaysahead]

Everybody here has a plan, but are you really prepared to leave this life behind? To take that leap of faith down the road of no return? Or are you doomed to suicide ideation forever?

I am scared to die, in a way. I don't like the idea of leaving my family behind. If they ever really screw me over, though? I'm gone. I wouldn't care anymore.

 

[Csmith8827]

Mby....

 

[AerialBoundaries]

My day will come. 100%.

I'm resigned to the fact that I'll never get better and the fact I'm wasting away my prime years, seals the deal.

Some people just don't get to make it. I'm one of them.

It hurts a lot deep down. I try not to think about it.

 

[inertescape]

If I can collect all the supplies I need (a lot of which I have already), then I really hope I'm able to go through with it. I've had enough of life, and have heard that the inert gas method is a good option for not letting SI get too much in the way.

 

[epic]

I am in the same dilemma as you