Venting Do you feel like people keep underestimating how miserable you actually are?

[pumpkinpie]

Like you will tell them over and over again that you want to die, how you can't keep going, how horrible life is.. and they just don't take you serious at all. Sometimes they even laugh at you as if you just made a joke.

Tbh this makes me want to blow my brain right into their face and onto their shirt. Like you can't make this shit up. How loud do I have to scream for them to actually hear me? How clearly do I have to speak for them to finally listen to my words? It's so infuriating.

I'm also sick and tired of people congratulating me on my suffering. "Aw you're so strong, you worked through so much shit and you survived". What am I supposed to do?? Stop time so the shit that life is throwing at me is stuck mid air?? I don't have any say in what bs I have to live through. I can't escape, I can't stop time and I can't find a suicide method that won't make my last moments agonizing. That's the only fucking reason I'm still here.

Like how can you look at someone cowering on the ground who has been beaten to a pulp and be like "you're so strong" and laugh at them for saying they want to die? It sickens me to the core.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't actually let it slip too much with family- the reality if it all. The times I have, I've regretted because it's mostly come out in an argument and, they've become really upset. For me, it's more the reverse now. If they truly realised or acknowledged where I am, I think it would impact them greatly. And ultimately- there's nothing they can do to help me so- it's better for the most part that they don't realise. That they think the everyday truths that came out in arguments were just one offs.

When I was younger though yes- I've been teased on occassion for my cynicism/ sadness. They used to call me 'eeyore' from 'Winnie the Pooh' when I was young. Also, pretty callous remarks were made around borderline eating disorders.

People are weird generally though. I remember I think it was the report after Gene Sprague jumped off The Golden Gate Bridge that people were amazed- that he'd just applied to a job. That somehow, they think life stands still for all those who have ideation. Maybe because you are functioning (just about) that you are ok. When I had my welfare check for buying SN, the police officers felt relieved to find me working. I think they have this notion that if you give the impression you are ok- then, you are.

But then, there's the benefit perhaps that those who can maintain an act are less under scrutiny. So, the actual act might be easier to do without anyone suspecting.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

They don't understand because they don't want to die. I've been someone who didn't want to die, and looking back I couldn't really empathise before becoming suicidal. Now, I find myself underestimating how miserable I am at times, and I don't share it except for here.

 

[mimimisaki]

It's awful how other ppl constantly minimize the struggles we go through on a daily basis. Like I've had family members tell me more than once that "everyone is sad sometimes", that "you just don't know what real problems are", to which I always try to explain that someone who's just sad is still able to get out of bed in the morning, take a shower, eat, like their capacities to go through their day aren's affected. And still it means the only ppl who get it are the ones that have gone through something similar... It's rly frustrating to feel like no matter what you say, or how loudly and frequently you ask for help, ppl will always just assume that we simply are being overdramatic, or that we're not "though enough".

 

[Lady_V]

They understand just fine. They know my life has been disturbing and hard. They know how alone I am. They just do not care.
I'm talking about family, not friends tho.

 

[Gangrel]

i think most people don't understand how serious we are and they also don't understand what longing for death is, the concept is alien to them

 

[SomewhereNew]

I've felt exactly this it's made me push them all away and for me to spend basically everyday completely silent. There's nothing worth discussing anymore because I want my misery to end and nobody is listening or cares

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

Tbh this makes me want to blow my brain right into their face and onto their shirt.

Relatable. This is literally why 13 Reasons Why was a confort show for me as a kid. I loved imagining the way people would actually care if I did it. Because so few seemed to care when I was suffering while alive.

 

[martyrdom]

I'm kind of the opposite. I think I've established how serious I am about it with everyone around me due to my actions, so they take it extremely seriously, which I don't like.

 

[zdeweilx]

Like you will tell them over and over again that you want to die, how you can't keep going, how horrible life is.. and they just don't take you serious at all. Sometimes they even laugh at you as if you just made a joke.

Tbh this makes me want to blow my brain right into their face and onto their shirt. Like you can't make this shit up. How loud do I have to scream for them to actually hear me? How clearly do I have to speak for them to finally listen to my words? It's so infuriating.

I'm also sick and tired of people congratulating me on my suffering. "Aw you're so strong, you worked through so much shit and you survived". What am I supposed to do?? Stop time so the shit that life is throwing at me is stuck mid air?? I don't have any say in what bs I have to live through. I can't escape, I can't stop time and I can't find a suicide method that won't make my last moments agonizing. That's the only fucking reason I'm still here.

Like how can you look at someone cowering on the ground who has been beaten to a pulp and be like "you're so strong" and laugh at them for saying they want to die? It sickens me to the core.

I could've written that. People definitely underestimate how desperate my situation is.

 

[Ramire_Artes]

Unfortunately, each person lives in their own world.

 

[InevitableDeath]

People are great in theory, shit in practice.

Admitting to being depressed, never mind suicidal, is the fastest way to lose everyone you thought was a friend.

 

[violetforever]

underestimating or purposely avoiding confrontation about it? i had a mental breakdown and now that i have "recovered" from that behavior my family acts like i'm fine. they did this before too when i fainted from fasting. they were supposedly worried about me being anorexic for that one day. they made me eat something and then from the next day forward pretended i was cured. i'm even thinner now but no one says anything. everyone knows i have scars on my wrists but they've never even questioned me about them. i guess it's nice to not be forced into getting help through hospitalization or seeing a doctor and possibly being medicated. i'm kind of free to ctb whenever i like since no one is looking out for me.

 

[whocaresnobodycares]

"Fighting a battle you know nothing about" is a HELL of a lot more than a popular cliche!
Yeah, I think ALL sorts of people-- rich, poor, educated, dumb, nice, or hateful -- are going through Hells worse than mine, which is pretty fuckin impressive yet probably also VERY, very common. I think there is an endless cornucopia of discomfort, dissatisfaction, rage, depression, and anxiety.... hell, just STEPPING OUTSIDE into the sidewalk, traffic, or a supermarket. It's indelibly STAMPED on SO VERY many people's faces.

 

[fadedghost]

people don't realize how miserable i am because i don't talk about it

and i don't talk about it because of having experienced the involuntary carcerel mental health system

there's no easy way for me to discuss being so suicidal without being subject to the system and more emotional abuse

people will find out once i'm dead

and not many care anyway

if anyone

 

[InevitableDeath]

underestimating or purposely avoiding confrontation about it? i had a mental breakdown and now that i have "recovered" from that behavior my family acts like i'm fine. they did this before too when i fainted from fasting. they were supposedly worried about me being anorexic for that one day. they made me eat something and then from the next day forward pretended i was cured. i'm even thinner now but no one says anything. everyone knows i have scars on my wrists but they've never even questioned me about them. i guess it's nice to not be forced into getting help through hospitalization or seeing a doctor and possibly being medicated. i'm kind of free to ctb whenever i like since no one is looking out for me.

I think the truth is that most people just don't care enough or aren't emotionally intelligent enough to communicate well. Or just distracted and exhausted and not that empathetic? Idk.

I gave up on family and all but a couple of friends a long time ago. They prove themselves unworthy in the end. You only have yourself really, if you wanna survive you have to build self confidence and self worth however you can. Find what you like to do, what makes you feel strong. Knowing you can CTB at any point is actually quite empowering in its way.

Your family and anorexia suggests you're still young, so there is a decent future for you if you want it. And concentrating on yourself and what you like and what you want to do is the only way that happens. Be selfish. That's how people keep going.

 

[violetforever]

I think the truth is that most people just don't care enough or aren't emotionally intelligent enough to communicate well. Or just distracted and exhausted and not that empathetic? Idk.

I gave up on family and all but a couple of friends a long time ago. They prove themselves unworthy in the end. You only have yourself really, if you wanna survive you have to build self confidence and self worth however you can. Find what you like to do, what makes you feel strong. Knowing you can CTB at any point is actually quite empowering in its way.

Your family and anorexia suggests you're still young, so there is a decent future for you if you want it. And concentrating on yourself and what you like and what you want to do is the only way that happens. Be selfish. That's how people keep going.

i have sisters who have struggled with the same issues and my family sent them to hospitals or had/has them seeing therapists and put on medication. i think my family truly just dislikes me.

i did recently grow to realize that i only have myself, even if it feels like i'm late to that realization. now that i am kind of selfish as you put it, they hate me even more and act like i'm tearing apart our family. i'm just focusing on myself and how to get away from them. i do believe in a future, maybe not the best one but away from my family. i at least want to know what life is like without them and if i could be happier.

i'm 24 but what i wrote has been going on since i was 11. i started cutting and became anorexic at 11, those slip ups with fasting happened twice when i was 16-19 and the long awaited mental breakdown was only last month lol.

thank u for ur reply it means a lot to me i'm sorry u also had to give up on ur family.

 

[InevitableDeath]

i do believe in a future, maybe not the best one but away from my family. i at least want to know what life is like without them and if i could be happier.

That's a brilliant and positive aim. If you've been through a lot of difficulty and a difficult family life, at 24 you really have a chance to move away from it all. Try to create your own life. Having it difficult up to then, actually makes that easier to do.

When people have perfect childhoods and family homes, when they have to break from that and go their own way, its a big shock to them and they struggle. So you may have a head start there, if you see what I mean.

idk yours, but many families create a scapegoat or a black sheep, where everyone can transfer all the family issues on to one person. Don't be that person!

If you're feeling tough enough atm then get out - go somewhere else - different city, different country even and carve out your own path. Nothing to lose really, you can always go back.

I did something v similar around your age, and by doing so it made for the best years of my life. Its the right time to try to make your own luck. Its not being selfish either, its respecting yourself. Build yourself.

Give it a go, happy to discuss further and try to suggest a few pointers if it helps.

 

[violetforever]

If you're feeling tough enough atm then get out - go somewhere else - different city, different country even and carve out your own path. Nothing to lose really, you can always go back.

i can't. i'm still working on getting my license and a car. i'm finishing college here too because there is no point in trying to get away from my family without an education. i might get a part time job while i do school because i will need money too. i'm just not prepared to leave yet even though i hate it here. if i left now i will just face worse problems.

Give it a go, happy to discuss further and try to suggest a few pointers if it helps.

thank u so much

 

[InevitableDeath]

sure, didn't realise you were mid course - yes finish that, learn to drive at same time, and you've got everything you need to go. When does the course end? This year or next?

 

[dontwakemeup]

You can tell people a million reasons why you want to exit, and most will never agree! I think people know I suffer from chronic pain but all the times I cry alone, can't reach my food or how debilitating my life is, they would be shocked! I shocked myself because it takes strength to keep waking up knowing yesterday will be the same pain as yesterday.

 

[PI3.14]

Yes. The reason is us humans can see with our own eyes physical disabilities and physical pain, but not mental suffering.

If a person had just broken their legs, and bones were literally showing with blood and they're screaming from pain, no one will doubt their pain at all, no one will tell them "GET UP, YOU CAN DO IT!" Or some platitudes.

Mental suffering however is different, you can lose your sanity from it, you can be screaming and crying your eyes out cus of it, and people will still think it isn't that bad, some might even think it's not real and that you're a totally healthy person.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

People—mostly my family—underestimate how miserable I am, but they don't take it as a joke. Instead, they take it as a personal insult

If I'm bedrotting due to how freezing cold I feel from within, I'll get just callous remarks about how "unnatural" it is to be depressed since "that's not how humans work". It honestly pisses me off because, yeah, I know it's unnatural—though that doesn't change the fact that I am depressed

Being honest about my results in people complaining about how they have it worse but they're still fighting and all that jazz. It's worse when they point out all the things I have and then act like, because I have these things, all my misery will disappear

For the most part, I'm not allowed to be miserable because my misery will never be as bad as the misery belonging to the people around me

 

[InevitableDeath]

Yes. The reason is us humans can see with our own eyes physical disabilities and physical pain, but not mental suffering.

If a person had just broken their legs, and bones were literally showing with blood and they're screaming from pain, no one will doubt their pain at all, no one will tell them "GET UP, YOU CAN DO IT!" Or some platitudes.

Mental suffering however is different, you can lose your sanity from it, you can be screaming and crying your eyes out cus of it, and people will still think it isn't that bad, some might even think it's not real and that you're a totally healthy person.

such a good way of putting it. They don't want to know, and all the rules make sure that you can't tell them.

 

[Ashu]

The normtards will inevitably do that, because they cannot imagine despair.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

It really sucks and I hope you get heard some day. I think it's because most people think genuinely that life's worth living no matter what and that "everyone has dark days". It is sad.

I think the truth is that most people just don't care enough or aren't emotionally intelligent enough to communicate well. Or just distracted and exhausted and not that empathetic?

It's that. Honestly Empathy (as overrated as it is compared to its more useful siblings compassion and sympathy) is a rare resource nowadays.

 

[heatnormal]

Tbh this makes me want to blow my brain right into their face and onto their shirt. Like you can't make this shit up. How loud do I have to scream for them to actually hear me? How clearly do I have to speak for them to finally listen to my words? It's so infuriating.

yeah; sometimes it feels like you're having the same conversation over and over again. i think they just don't take us seriously because they believe this episode will too pass. in textbooks, people are great-- it sounds like a good idea to ask for help, but in reality, you're likely going to be met with a "that's rough, buddy." people really believe that if someone wanted to do it, they would have already done it. the propaganda of "suicidal people don't look suicidal" did more harm than good. if it's your family, they may not want to come to terms with the severity of the situation -- even if they partly caused it. "[…] always had problems with adjusting, but this came out of nowhere."

^ to add even more to this -- i partly blame how psychological lingo went public. everyone seems to use big, complex terminology, and it only waters down the meaning.

 

[InevitableDeath]

its the same old shit every fucking time. They steal everything from you, and you fight and fight and fight them all the way.

They you go, ok then, I give up, and they say.... oh you're not allowed to. You have to keep on taking it until you jump off a carpark or go on a spree.

They never reveal the huge suicide statistics. As that would reveal how fucking shit and cruel and savage they all are

 

[violetforever]

When does the course end? This year or next?

i'll be done in spring 2027. i hope to move out sometime then.

 

[Vexadin]

They care but everyone is living their own life and have their own problems to deal with.