Do you ever feel like you're just making up depression to feel sorry for yourself?

[bandoscii]

No matter how much time passes I can't ever shake off this feeling and end up in a constant loop of questioning "Do I really want to die? Do I really feel bad? Maybe I'm making up these feelings to feel sorry for myself. I don't really think about dying, I make myself think about dying to cry about it".
I don't even know if this sounds weird or not. Can anyone relate on this?