Do the thoughts control you?

[dying_kwik2000]

I feel like suicidal thoughts are something I can't control. They aren't just thoughts, they happen to me. And they control me.

 

[kopebaldy]

If I can control my thoughts (and actions) I wouldn't be suicidal in the first place.

 

[martyrdom]

Everything but myself controls me.

 

[CaptainSunshine!]

My suicidal thoughts aren't involuntary, so I guess I control them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My suicidal thoughts are a coping mechanism. Knowing there's an exit is ironically what helps me stay vaguely sane and keep living. I'd be climbing the walls otherwise.

But- no- I wouldn't say that they just pop in involuntarily. Whenever I have to do something I don't want to do- which is most of the time, I think- I don't want to do this. Is there any way I can not do this? Sure- if you're ok with losing your job, your home, your health. So- either you live and have to do it or- you die and don't. So- death is often the more appealing choice!

But no- the thoughts don't control my actions- or else I would have had multiple attempts by now. Perhaps even a succesful one. Sadly, I still feel compelled to stay here till my Dad goes. I suppose if anything- that's the thought I can't overcome. That's the thought trapping me here.

It does sound a little concerning though- if I'm honest. Has nothing triggered these thoughts for you? Did they literally come in out of the blue? I do actually have a friend that experienced a dramatic mood change after her medication was changed. It was interesting because- before then, she's always been so full of optimism and energy. She didn't really have much time for people who said they were drpressed. That experience really changed her opinion. Is it depression related do you think?

 

[Pale_Rider]

I find them hard to define, but they don't go away. They were lost in amnisia, or blocked for sometime. When they came back they were like a tidal wave. I couldn't resist them. All those emotions of old came with them. Some memories are still there waiting to be found. It's become like a drug relieving these lost memories. Feeling the powerful emotions that come with them. That's the one side. The other side is just sick as hell of it all. Was a time I just disassociated. Now that's living in the past. Reliving what has been. Waiting for those memories. Cauae modern times suck , and are pointless now

 

[Macedonian1987]

When I'm at my lowest low, my brain is simply empty. Just a thoughtless painful hollow sadness inside my brain.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Thoughts and habits control me . These were programmed into me my brain especially from age 0 to 7.

The suicidal thoughts are recent and what I need to win the battle in my brain. I need to and want to kill myself

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yeah. for the longest it has been like that with me. intrusive a force unto its own. that had to do with the memories being blocked for so long then just released like a dam breaking we had to quarantine sections just to deal with it we eventually made it to a more stable operating mode, but there is still more to be recovered. though that occurs leas frequently now. I dont know how to look forward anymore. especially when the world sucks so bad anyways.