NSFW Do I just do it

[zooweee]

I am a perpetrator of cocsa when I was ten or eleven years old (I'm 18 now) didn't do it for reasons of pleasure but out of curiosity but that doesn't excuse it at all. I touched two people in their sleep and one was way younger than me. I have a loving family and good friends but since this is part of my past I literally can not move on normally. I try to spend my time being a kind and respectful person now. It's also hard because my autism and OCD makes me keep thinking about it until I can't think of anything else, but it's deserved because of how bad that is.

But nothing erases the shame and guilt and disgust I feel constantly. I feel inhuman compared to the rest of the world. I don't deserve help. Should I just CBT at this point. I don't have any memory of being a victim as a kid only that I would watch porn and knew way too much and was scared my body wasn't normal. But there's no excuse. I know you probably all think I'm disgusting and deserve to die too.

 

[larvicide]

I encourage you to try and find some peace with it. you knew what you did was wrong, and if you dont do it again and express remorse, i think you should allow yourself to move on or atleast have it not haunt you so much

 

[itsgone2]

Have you spoken to anyone about it?
They may be able to help you come to terms with it this.

 

[madameviolette]

Cocsa ?

 

[zooweee]

Cocsa ?

Child on child sexual assault

 

[Nightfoot]

No one can tell how whether you should CTB. That's a decision only you can make. I would say that if you're looking back at what you did with guilt and you're trying to be a good person that is a positive. Also, children are naturally curious and not fully developed as far as knowing right from wrong. Of course, that's different than a teenager touching children in their sleep, Even if that is your case the fact that you are remorseful is a positive and that you know right from wrong. Go easy on yourself, guilt doesn't have to be carried forever, especially if you were also a child when it happened. If you still have those desires, therapy might be a better option than CTB.

 

[zooweee]

I am a perpetrator of cocsa when I was ten or eleven years old (I'm 18 now) didn't do it for reasons of pleasure but out of curiosity but that doesn't excuse it at all. I touched two people in their sleep and one was way younger than me. I have a loving family and good friends but since this is part of my past I literally can not move on normally. I try to spend my time being a kind and respectful person now. It's also hard because my autism and OCD makes me keep thinking about it until I can't think of anything else, but it's deserved because of how bad that is.

But nothing erases the shame and guilt and disgust I feel constantly. I feel inhuman compared to the rest of the world. I don't deserve help. Should I just CBT at this point. I don't have any memory of being a victim as a kid only that I would watch porn and knew way too much and was scared my body wasn't normal. But there's no excuse. I know you probably all think I'm disgusting and deserve to die too.

I just feel like there's no redemption and people probably want me to die if they knew anyways

 

[rs929]

I don't know where you live but ten years olds don't go to jail here, even if they murdered someone.
I think that is for a reason, you really didn't know what you were doing or the consequences. You can't be judged like a grown up.
Is this your OCD looking for reassurance that you aren't a bad guy?

 

[Sadbanana]

I don't want to sound invalidating, but you really shouldn't beat up yourself for this. Kids do stupid things, not to mention you are also autistic. I'm also autistic and as a kid I did extremely cringe things, but there is no point caring about it anymore, the person I'm now is someone else anyways.

 

[Seneca65AD]

I'm with Sadbanana on this one. Kids do things without thinking and are curious at that age. A lot of you are way too young to remember the late 70's sitcom WKRP in Cincinnati; there's an episode where a child psychologist was being interviewed about juvenile delinquency, and his explanation for it was simple.....kids are insane.

There is a reason there is a close in age exemption for statutory rape, kids are drawn to sex out of curiosity, - and I can guarantee you from experience, if everyone who made a bad decision in life CTB'ed because of it, no one would be left on this earth.

 

[Custos]

I have serve OCD, and can understand what you're going through to an extent. There are certain things that I did that I just replay in my mind, over and over. OCD is torture. My best advice would be, understand what you did was wrong, understand that it wasn't your fault and forgive yourself. Well that and don't CTB.

 

[Custos]

I have serve OCD, and can understand what you're going through to an extent. There are certain things that I did that I just replay in my mind, over and over. OCD is torture. My best advice would be, understand what you did was wrong, understand that it wasn't your fault and forgive yourself. Well that and don't CBT.

Sorry, meant CTB. CBT is something you could totally do.