Discussion Do I give life a chance and maybe waste a FSH setup? Or do I end my suffering already?

[sleepingowl55]

I have a lot of mental illness diagnoses. The ones that are most disabling to me are the eating disorder, BPD and depression, and i've been suffering from them basically since I was 5 years old. I had my first anorexia nervosa episode when I was still a kid. I spent my whole teenage years dealing with it. Now in my early 20s the eating problem has shifted: I now deal with emotional eating and food noise. I keep gaining weight and I'm desperate about this.
I have no friends. I'm stuck at home and only leave to go to gym or the supermarket. I still live with my parents.

I'm supposed to move to college in the beginning of next year. I'm very interested in the area and the research about it.
I'm having a lot of ambivalent feelings towards death. Do I end my suffering now? Do I give life a chance?
The problem is that here in my hometown house I have a great setup for full suspension hanging, but I have no idea how and if I could manage it in an apartment in a big city. I'm worried to be fooled by this idea of "giving life a chance" and waste this opportunity to CTB here.

 

[TBONTB]

I have a lot of mental illness diagnoses. The ones that are most disabling to me are the eating disorder, BPD and depression, and i've been suffering from them basically since I was 5 years old. I had my first anorexia nervosa episode when I was still a kid. I spent my whole teenage years dealing with it. Now in my early 20s the eating problem has shifted: I now deal with emotional eating and food noise. I keep gaining weight and I'm desperate about this.
I have no friends. I'm stuck at home and only leave to go to gym or the supermarket. I still live with my parents.

I'm supposed to move to college in the beginning of next year. I'm very interested in the area and the research about it.
I'm having a lot of ambivalent feelings towards death. Do I end my suffering now? Do I give life a chance?
The problem is that here in my hometown house I have a great setup for full suspension hanging, but I have no idea how and if I could manage it in an apartment in a big city. I'm worried to be fooled by this idea of "giving life a chance" and waste this opportunity to CTB here.

Definitely give it a chance! If you are ambivalent it's not time, imo

And is there a reason you couldn't come back to your hometown anchor point? Your parents house is kind of a rough place for CTB, but it would still be there?

 

[sleepingowl55]

Definitely give it a chance! If you are ambivalent it's not time, imo

And is there a reason you couldn't come back to your hometown anchor point? Your parents house is kind of a rough place for CTB, but it would still be there?

Yes, it would still be here, but I worry that maybe because I would be visiting I wouldn't find any time where I would be alone. Even if I CTB before moving to college that's a bit of problem. I have to do it in a day where I would be alone for at least an hour :/

 

[TBONTB]

Yes, it would still be here, but I worry that maybe because I would be visiting I wouldn't find any time where I would be alone. Even if I CTB before moving to college that's a bit of problem. I have to do it in a day where I would be alone for at least an hour :/

I see that.

My vote stays with "give it a try". Best to you!