Story Do i feel i’ve done everything i could?

[dangero]

There are many more drugs I can test. Psilocybin, Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) or electroshock therapy (EST) - but I think I have some metal parts in my teeth, so they would have to pull it out.. There are thousands of job offers, maybe there is a job where I will be comfortable. I can emigrate abroad and find happiness there because there is no cheap housing in poland and I will end up on the street after moving away from my parents.

edit: I forgot, of course there is also psychotheraphy, psychiatrists recommend it to me but I can't muster the courage

Must I do all of this? Absolutely not, I can also kill myself, and that will be fine too. No one is obligated to be alive.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Must you do it? No. But you probably owe it to yourself to try. Do you really, really feel at peace with the effort you have made? It sounds like you don't.

 

[dangero]

Must you do it? No. But you probably owe it to yourself to try. Do you really, really feel at peace with the effort you have made? It sounds like you don't.

In my live i took escitaloprame, trazodone, paroxetine, sertraline.
I watched hundreds of hours of lectures, read several books, countless articles, and many scientific studies.
There are many other ways to fight that I described above, but

If it gets very difficult, if I suffer from severe depression again, I know that I can end myself, because sometimes I have such mental states that I can survive the worst physical pain. Most of the time, however, I have the will to live, and episodes of severe depression are short.

I only want to change when life forces me to do so, normally I am very lazy and struggle with procrastination.
A few months ago I lost my source of income, a week ago the bailiff took over all my money, so I'm between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, some remnants of strength say live and change, on the other hand, the brain says kill yourself.