Do bullied people survive??

[deepocean]

Do people who get bullied in the past survive so do they trapped in the same patterns? And if the bullying does stop some day does the bullied person survive the trauma they dealt with. How do they carry hope ?

 

[Carrot]

I got bullied for things I did not even have control over. It affected me in many ways, I did isolate myself. I did use that time well, at first, but also fell into addiction, it was a struggle. It made me better in certain things and worse in other things.

Generally speaking, I don't see why they wouldn't survive. People get over much more tragix events (not to downplay bullying) and manage to get decent lives at some point. Others don't. Sometimes bullies go and become very successful, I hear of bullies becoming CEOs, but that doesn't mean that it's always that way. Some people might get trapped in the same patterns, other's learn from it and manage to deal with it, avoid it.

This is a very broad question. Ideally statistics/data, which I do not have, would tell us something like "26% of people that were bullied commit suicide during their lifetime" or "people that were bullied earn 14% less on average". Otherwise it's just anecdotes.

I learn from my mistakes, at least I think I do. I found meaning in something, and it was much better during that time. Later on it all crumbled, many other things crumbled alongside (I still find meaning in something, but I am unable to pursue it anymore). But I think this would be my solution. I looked at the world, noticed what needs to be fixed, changed, improved and pursued that. It didn't matter if it earned money or not (would be easier if it did, but not a requirement), I focused on that thing because that thing was good, useful, improved the world based on my values.

I'm purposely vague because I don't want to reveal too much information.

 

[deepocean]

I got bullied for things I did not even have control over. It affected me in many ways, I did isolate myself. I did use that time well, at first, but also fell into addiction, it was a struggle. It made me better in certain things and worse in other things.

Generally speaking, I don't see why they wouldn't survive. People get over much more tragix events (not to downplay bullying) and manage to get decent lives at some point. Others don't. Sometimes bullies go and become very successful, I hear of bullies becoming CEOs, but that doesn't mean that it's always that way. Some people might get trapped in the same patterns, other's learn from it and manage to deal with it, avoid it.

This is a very broad question. Ideally statistics/data, which I do not have, would tell us something like "26% of people that were bullied commit suicide during their lifetime" or "people that were bullied earn 14% less on average". Otherwise it's just anecdotes.

I learn from my mistakes, at least I think I do. I found meaning in something, and it was much better during that time. Later on it all crumbled, many other things crumbled alongside (I still find meaning in something, but I am unable to pursue it anymore). But I think this would be my solution. I looked at the world, noticed what needs to be fixed, changed, improved and pursued that. It didn't matter if it earned money or not (would be easier if it did, but not a requirement), I focused on that thing because that thing was good, useful, improved the world based on my values.

I'm purposely vague because I don't want to reveal too much information.

It's good that you've had something to look forward too. And also became something you wanted.


But if the person becomes something they were never before, an acceptable version of themselves which they hated or never knew to begin with
Were they the same before like they are now but only circumstances forced this bad version to come out or is it something else entirely

 

[Carrot]

But if the person becomes something they were never before, an acceptable version of themselves which they hated or never knew to begin with
Were they the same before like they are now but only circumstances forced this bad version to come out or is it something else entirely

I'm not sure what you mean. What you say reminds me of the Ship of Theseus, if we change the parts of the ship over and over, is it still the same ship?

Certain experiences change us, sometimes to the better or worse. If somebody wasn't bullied they probably would end up in a different place. I'm not sure why you mention a bad version coming out, it's a different version, not necessarily worse.

 

[orpheus_]

Ex bullied kid here. From ages around 8 to 14, though it was the worst when I was 8-10.


Context. It was a time when I was abandoned by my only friend at school, had nobody to talk to, no support from my parents whatsoever. I was scared of everyone, socially anxious to the point when I couldn't talk especially at school. I would get in trouble for not speaking in class when the teacher called me up, because I was so terrified of everyone. I was basically one of my schools' scapegoats, laughed at directly and behind my back and I was seated by the teacher with my worst bully for a whole school year because "I was so calm and well behaved and thy needed someone like me to be an example for a naughty kid like him". I was terrified of going to school, unable to eat in the morning when I had to go there, couldn't sleep. Fun things. It got a bit better when I got friends around the age of 10, but we were still "on the bottom of social hierarchy" in our school. Me especially because I was terrible at sports and looked sickly skinny which was a "great" material to make jokes of.


I was convinced that I'm a worthless piece of shit, bad at everything, not deserving of anything good. I know I'm not a very extreme case (though I didn't mention MANY details here), I was a lucky mf because I found people who kinda helped me get distracted sometimes.. you know, my group, people who accepted me though looking back we weren't really that close and I couldn't talk to them about many things. I was also always quite creative and started writing stories which kinda saved me because I had this another world to turn to and also realized that I can be good in some things, maybe.


Anyway. Over time things got better. First I started accepting the fact that it's not me who is broken, these kids are just jerks. It was hard to overcome some "automatic" behaviors and thoughts, like for a very long time I had a problem with maintaining relationships because I was convinced that everyone secretly hated me and I didn't deserve to take up anyone's time. I remember that when I was in high school I felt like all those experiences "broke" me, thought I would never be able to form any close relationships with people. But it changed over time.


I went from a terrified 24/7 kid who didn't speak to anyone including his family (even though they weren't bad), locked myself in my room for entire days, spent like 70% of my time holding back tears and the rest crying... Etc, to - I guess a functioning adult, still with some problems and getting episodes of "ohh no I don't deserve anything good" but overall, it's.. quite okay. I'm not saying I'm the happiest guy in the world (I wouldn't be in on this forum if I were) but I think I mostly got over the thought patterns that bullying got me into. I can talk to people, some even consider me very sociable. I had some time in my life that was quite good. Then everything faded away, but.. that's another story.


I still have depression which is PROBABLY somehow related to what I've gone through but eh, it's probably mostly from other things (also literally over the half of my family has mood disorders. So.) Also I didn't get any kind of psychological help/therapy until I was 20 so I would say I went through these things by myself. I would say that with a help of a professional, breaking these patterns would be a lot easier and maybe faster.


Anyway I would say I'm in a decent place in life, and those past events don't affect me too much. Other things kinda break it but it's still okay.


So tldr yes, bullied people can survive and have a decent or even good life. I also have friends who are like that. You can go through terrible things and move on, I'm not saying it's easy - but its certainly possible, one thing at the time.


Good luck <3

 

[theboy]

Ummm
It's a bit of a strange question