• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

K

knickknack81

Member
Apr 28, 2025
21
So yesterday, I was reading a music website talking about a bassist for an indie rock band who died in a random car accident in Canada at the age of 42. It feels terrible saying this but my first response to that was "lucky". Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out for his family and friends and everyone who knew him and I'm sure it had to be absolutely devastating. But for me, as someone who has been having thoughts of CTB for a while now, I can't help but think about going out in a way like that, where you don't have to plan for anything or worry about SI or have the stigma of taking yr own life, etc. Also, to have that feeling of "it should have been me" instead of someone who probably wants to stick around. I dunno, it just seems like every time I read a story of someone dying young and sudden I get upset and think "why couldn't it have been me".
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: tsumihoroboshi, BlooBerryBanjo3000, 33K1LLM3 and 7 others
NearlyIrrelevantCake

NearlyIrrelevantCake

The Cake Is A Lie
Aug 12, 2021
1,771
My best friend died in his sleep, had a brain aneurysm and never woke up. How I wish that were me instead.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: 555, qualityOV3Rquantity, BlooBerryBanjo3000 and 6 others
A

albaboosh

Member
Jun 14, 2025
8
Same. It's a horrible way to feel but it is what it is.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BlooBerryBanjo3000, pthnrdnojvsc and knickknack81
K

Kalista

Failed hard to pull the trigger - Now using SN
Feb 5, 2023
454
when i drive, i don't wear a seat belt anymore. i imagine getting hit and launched out of the car, or get the body wrecked from within. does not matter if i barely survive, as i have an advance health directive to not keep me alive.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: masterofnone
W

wham311

Elementalist
Mar 1, 2025
833
All of us.

And it's a bit of hope but then. You realize it isn't happening and it's depressing.

Any time someone ctb here im just jealous
 
  • Like
Reactions: albaboosh and knickknack81
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,588
I really understand as all I want is to cease existing, I just want to never suffer in this dreadful, torturous existence ever again and I always and only envy those who no longer suffer and I suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing and never exist again as all I wish for is to cease existing, only non-existence is positive for me and is just all I see as desirable in this existence of cruelty and suffering where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, I'd just never wish to exist, I'm always so tired of being burdened with this futile existence.
 
T

timechained

Student
Apr 15, 2025
196
Yes, all the time. I also get jealous that I can CTB in my mind.
 
  • Like
Reactions: knickknack81
W

WaitingAllMyLife

Student
Jul 4, 2022
101
All. The. Time. Gas line explosions. Drive-by shootings. Cancer. Crushed by a tree in a storm. I always wish that could be me. It's such a cruel irony that so often, those people wanted to live. I wish there was a way to switch places so they could continue their happy lives and we could take their other fate. New business idea - the fate exchange.
 
  • Like
Reactions: wham311
SeafoamSkeleton

SeafoamSkeleton

future ghost
Jun 24, 2025
55
I'm even jealous of my two friends who died young from cancer. They were both wonderful people while I am a waste of life. If I could've, I would've switched with them in a second. At one point I thought I could and was planning to sacrifice myself as a replacement in a pseudospiritual psychotic way, but she died before I could make my attempt.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: qualityOV3Rquantity and wham311
W

wham311

Elementalist
Mar 1, 2025
833
Praying for cancer.

My friend left so quick. Found out he had stage 4 colon cNcer and was gone 6 months later.

Thought he was so young at 45. I'm 38. Id do anything for that
 
I

itsnigh

Member
Oct 22, 2024
88
a little jealous and mostly sad, I see it and think, it should have been me, not you. I don't deserve to be here, I don't even want to be. You did. It's so unfair.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: knickknack81
33K1LLM3

33K1LLM3

Pretty Girl, Sick Mind
Jun 28, 2025
48
For me I'm sad that innocent people got something they didn't ask for, for me I upset because it didn't happen to someone who are begging for it too happen, sometimes luck just really ain't on your side .(
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: albaboosh and EternalShore
EternalShore

EternalShore

Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
Jun 9, 2023
1,356
My best friend died in his sleep, had a brain aneurysm and never woke up. How I wish that were me instead.
so lucky~ >_<

I don't like reading much about dark topics including death tho~ >_< So I usually get jealous about how much people get to enjoy their lives while they're here instead and get sewer slidal from that~ >_<
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: wham311 and 33K1LLM3
W

wham311

Elementalist
Mar 1, 2025
833
so lucky~ >_<

I don't like reading much about dark topics including death tho~ >_< So I usually get jealous about how much people get to enjoy their lives while they're here instead and get sewer slidal from that~ >_<
I get both
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: EternalShore
qualityOV3Rquantity

qualityOV3Rquantity

Experienced
Jul 27, 2024
261
Yes so much, every time I hear about an accidental death. It honestly seems like the perfect way to die, not even being aware of it, maybe just a few moments of fear and terror and then nothing. My goodness I wish someone would just shoot me in the back of the head.
I'm even jealous of my two friends who died young from cancer. They were both wonderful people while I am a waste of life. If I could've, I would've switched with them in a second. At one point I thought I could and was planning to sacrifice myself as a replacement in a pseudospiritual psychotic way, but she died before I could make my attempt.
I understand how you feel, if only it was possible to give our lives to save someone else with some awful disease. How much better would the world be if all the people with cancer who don't want to die got to take the lives of us suicidal people and we could die in their place? So sad that life doesn't work that way...
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: SeafoamSkeleton
tsumihoroboshi

tsumihoroboshi

Lost Impact
Oct 31, 2023
219
oh absolutely i do. sometimes it happens to people so young and all i can think is why was it you and not me. i heard about an incident when i was a kid where a swing fell on a child and killed them and i could only focus on the fact that they were just an innocent kid. why wasn't that me instead? the worst child, the worst thing. i imagine horrible things happening all the time and thinking what is the reality of when i die?