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Harry Callahan
- Feb 12, 2023
- 250
Hi I'm sorry if this isn't even fucking readable. It feels like my mind is being flooded and I just need to throw my thoughts out there. I would dm a friend but I'm tired of being a fucking bother. I know my friends are getting sick of me constantly being on the verge of killing myself.
Everything is getting worse. Things get better for a couple days but then come crashing down.
I feel so alone, I want to stop feeling alone. I vented about this in my last post, about how I'm alone but can't bring myself to text anyone back. I can't function, I want to be loved. I mean I am loved, my friends love me and most of my family loves me, but it's just never enough. Something always feels off. I feel so guilty. I'll never make anyone feel like they're not doing enough because I know that it's just my brain being stupid.
I just want to be in a relationship, I don't know. I want to be someone's favorite person. I've never been in an actual relationship, but it's all I think about these days. All of the people around me are getting into relationships or are actively trying to find partners, I'm so frustrated.
I could suck it up and get myself out there, try to find a relationship. I've considered it, but no. There are two big reasons why I can't be in a relationship:
1.) Who the fuck would even want to be in a relationship with me? Who would want to spend the rest of their life with a short, ugly trans guy who never shuts up about how miserable he is and needs constant fucking validation? I'm fucking annoying. Whenever I'm not yapping about how suicidal I am, I'm going on and on about some random interest that no one fucking cares about.
2.) I'm just not stable enough. I don't think I need to elaborate on this point, lol. I refuse to put someone through this, I don't want to drain anyone else because of my issues.
I'm so tired of being miserable and hating myself. I've been starving myself because it's the only chance I have at looking masculine. I'm already a little underweight, but I still look like a woman. I need to lose all my body fat but I'm so exhausted and hungry and tired and i'm in so much pain lolololololol I don't even know if there's a point to it, I'll never fucking pass as a man and the majority of the population will just label me as a confused girl or an attention seeker or some shit, there's no point.
Everything is getting worse. Things get better for a couple days but then come crashing down.
I feel so alone, I want to stop feeling alone. I vented about this in my last post, about how I'm alone but can't bring myself to text anyone back. I can't function, I want to be loved. I mean I am loved, my friends love me and most of my family loves me, but it's just never enough. Something always feels off. I feel so guilty. I'll never make anyone feel like they're not doing enough because I know that it's just my brain being stupid.
I just want to be in a relationship, I don't know. I want to be someone's favorite person. I've never been in an actual relationship, but it's all I think about these days. All of the people around me are getting into relationships or are actively trying to find partners, I'm so frustrated.
I could suck it up and get myself out there, try to find a relationship. I've considered it, but no. There are two big reasons why I can't be in a relationship:
1.) Who the fuck would even want to be in a relationship with me? Who would want to spend the rest of their life with a short, ugly trans guy who never shuts up about how miserable he is and needs constant fucking validation? I'm fucking annoying. Whenever I'm not yapping about how suicidal I am, I'm going on and on about some random interest that no one fucking cares about.
2.) I'm just not stable enough. I don't think I need to elaborate on this point, lol. I refuse to put someone through this, I don't want to drain anyone else because of my issues.
I'm so tired of being miserable and hating myself. I've been starving myself because it's the only chance I have at looking masculine. I'm already a little underweight, but I still look like a woman. I need to lose all my body fat but I'm so exhausted and hungry and tired and i'm in so much pain lolololololol I don't even know if there's a point to it, I'll never fucking pass as a man and the majority of the population will just label me as a confused girl or an attention seeker or some shit, there's no point.
