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ANTALWOODA

ANTALWOODA

Member
Mar 16, 2023
33
This is first episode of my destination to void series rant.

There is something, it's like an invisible force that wights down on me, contemplating my past and how i ended up in such situation where most of the things i liked or enjoyed 10 years ago evaporated, yeah, i remember as kid i had extraordinary ability to contemplate things deep and find art in many things, for example i remember being obsessed with touch screens and how responsive it can be brought me joy for some time, i remember crying because my ipod touch had minor scratch on screen, it's all connected, it was time when i was about teenager, 17 i think when i first seriously started thinking about killing myself i was searching methods online and came upon some meme post, it was funny stuff written about ways to fail killing self, and then after about year later i moved overseas and left my country and all my friends behind, that's when i suffered most , i survived lifelong abuse from family and such thing as separation from friends broke me down, it got me on my knees literally, despair, depression and anxiety amplified, i set myself goal in my mind to end my existence, but year by year went by and i couldn't do it, it was fear of pain and thinking about going to void forever felt like terrifying, but now it's like, death is on the way and it's about how much i will allow myself to handle or if some disaster and tragic event occurs and i die.

End of ranting for now.
 
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