Desperation to die

[bl33ding_heart]

I'm at a state in life where I feel like dying is the only option to ease my pain. No matter what I do, nothing makes it better. And unfortunate things keep happening which just cause me more unnecessary pain. I almost impulsively downed a bunch of bleach yesterday. And I know I made a thread here asking if it's a viable method, and everyone responded to me saying it absolutely wasn't. So you can think I'm stupid for that, but I was just stupidly desperate and wanted the pain to stop. It burned my mouth, and the strong burning sensation made me spit it out and start rinsing my mouth out like crazy thankfully. I really thought I would finally start trying to better myself, but these past few days have been hell for me. The cycle of suffering is endless until my body eventually grows old and gives out. I don't even know if I have a chance at peace and happiness anymore. It's like suffering is all I was put on this earth for. I'm exhausted and I'm at my wits end. The only methods I have access to are dangerous and not completely reliable methods. Like jumping, slitting my throat or hanging. So I'm hesitant to attempt again, and I'll definitely try to find the most reliable method I could use so I can end my life if things get too unbearably painful and I decide that this is the best decision for me. I'm just really fucking exhausted and want fate to stop being so against me.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Mmmm, crazy things can be done during desperation, and it is unfortunate it has formed a cycle. Also, not all methods are good or bad (afaik, tho there are ones most ppl find bad)

PS: there is meditation info in my signature below, hope it can help u whether u choose life or self deletion

Meditation MEGATHREAD (pin this!)

Q1. Do I have "free will" to do anything? A1. You're not 100.000% sure, so assuming yes is what makes sense/is the correct position in terms of strategy/pragmatism/benefit. If wrong, no harm done; if right, disaster avoided. Q2. Why should I meditate? A2: Youtube videos are behind the spoilers...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[CumbriaCTB]

I was like that at one point too - impulsively trying whichever methods came to mind - before I identified a method that was reasonably reliable and formulated a clear plan that works for my situation. It seems as if you are on this same journey and I imagine that many who go on to successfully CTB have to first go through this awful experimenting phase until they find whatever works for them.

I wish you all the best luck <3

 

[Michelstaedter]

I'm desperate to die too, but most things that can kill you hurt, and I'm sick of suffering...

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

First and foremost no one will think u are stupid (you are not stupid) because u choose a method, everything can kill you there are better and worse but at the end of the day its your choice and your body. Im sorry it has been hell for you, make your research on the methods u have available and if things become better u can put all the research and planning behind. Whatever happends or whatever u decide to do with your future and life your feelings and the decision is valid.I hope things become even a little bit better and u will be able to break from this cycle of suffering.
Much love whatever u decide to do its valid

 

[Rynalia]

I'm with you there. Just when I think it can't get any worse, life and the people in it find some way to prove me wrong.

Death is really the only viable solution for my circumstances. Of course it is met with opposition and the ever-so-loved beaten-to-death tone-deaf mantras, but I have yet to see anyone actually walk with me instead of talk at me.

Help is out there my ass.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I'm with you there. Just when I think it can't get any worse, life and the people in it find some way to prove me wrong.

Death is really the only viable solution for my circumstances. Of course it is met with opposition and the ever-so-loved beaten-to-death tone-deaf mantras, but I have yet to see anyone actually walk with me instead of talk at me.

Help is out there my ass.

Oh. It is indeed annoying when conditions worsen beyond what was predicted, as unlikely as it feels, I hope they don't worsen for us.

Silly notes:
> If the mantras are beaten-to-death, they should be dead
> Yes, unwanted help can be shoved where the sun doesn't shine, preferably the 'helper' is tricked into giving themselves the shove :D

 

[Rynalia]

Oh. It is indeed annoying when conditions worsen beyond what was predicted, as unlikely as it feels, I hope they don't worsen for us.

Silly notes:

If the mantras are beaten-to-death, they should be dead
Yes, unwanted help can be shoved where the sun doesn't shine, preferably the 'helper' is tricked into giving themselves the shove :D

Considering how overused they are, they should be dead. But I swear they must be like, a phoenix or something. They keep rising from the ashes and won't stay down where they belong.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Considering how overused they are, they should be dead. But I swear they must be like, a phoenix or something. They keep rising from the ashes and won't stay down where they belong.

mm, those mantras don't do any good, what might do *something* is genuine listening, and offering *optional* support.

PS: Good metaphor

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand finding it so painful and torturous to exist, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, it sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I really understand finding it so painful and torturous to exist, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, it sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope you find the relief you search for.

I also hope you find relief from suffering, FC.