Desire to ctb from 0 to 10

[iDontKnowWhat]

Hello!

At this moment, how strong is your desire for ctb, with 0 being 'not at all' and 10 being 'extremely'?

I'm between 9 and 10.

 

[PanaxMan]

same here, I don't have much of any resources (that are useful) besides a knife, a crap load of time and my will to die

 

[Novacaine]

10. I feel this all over my body. It feels like each cell is against me, begging to finally die

 

[DyingToDie123]

At this moment... maybe a 6? I feel kinda numb, I would take SN if I had it but I'm not so desperate as to go jump attempt to jump (damn SI).

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Too high a number.... System overload....*explosion*.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've been wavering between a 7 and a 10 for the past few months.

 

[Moroze]

At this moment, probably 7.

 

[ThisIsLife]

10100​

 

[LonelyStarrySky]

Well probably 7

 

[manuel1056x]

Not easy to say. I think 7 sometimes 9. 10 is hard to say

 

[cats333]

currently 7 bc im too exhausted to even care

 

[cryvinglightning]

7 on a good day.

 

[Immensevoid]

Currently between 9 and 10 me too. But I'm so exhausted that I don't have the energy to do anything but only think about this

 

[kipper]

currently about a 6 or 7. i have been considering it but no options available to me would work out well so.. i've become more numb to it i guess.

 

[sadlyexisting]

9-10 currently, planning to ctb in a few days, so yeah

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always wishing to be gone, so 10, I don't have any interest in existing, it's a curse having the ability to suffer in this existence. Only a dreamless eternal sleep feels ideal to me, I've only ever wished for the peace of death where all is forgotten about. No matter what I will always see it as preferable to not exist, existence is the true hell.

 

[outrider567]

Always a 9 at least

 

[deadbody]

6

 

[BlazingBob]

10. I'm too sick to live. My body is torturing me. I'm beyond exhausted and feel like I'm going to puke. I live in a very abusive situation which I'm sure is making my health worse but I'm stuck because I have nowhere else to go. No family. The only time my phone rings is when it's bill collectors. Sorry, just venting. My life is unbearable and i just want the suffering and pain to end.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

4 right now but was easily a 10 when I singed up

 

[Praestat_Mori]

5

constant desire to CTB but not urgent rn.

 

[Shiva_Story]

im looking at a solid 4 rn. i have trip to Asia planned so the change in environment will be interesting..
i really look forward to CTB but have my 2 methods incomplete and still a 1 year grace period remaining during which i intend to make last attempts 2 improve the narrative of my life. but man i'm so done with all the BS

 

[SafferGuy]

I'm at a zero today. I spent a few hours with a close friend who pulled her daughter off the ledge she was going to jump from today. I feel weird.

 

[TiredTurtle]

9, I havnt been able to sleep in nearly 2 days and now I have to get up in the morning and act normal.

If I had a quick and painless method it would be a 10 and I'd do it right now without hesitation, but I'm working myself up to just ending it with a violent method like hanging or jumping

 

[Nlis2244]

Probably 9. I also feel optimistic i can do it, but the wait and having to study in the meantime is making me go crazy.

 

[Ruma]

0 at the moment,10 always when I have psychosis.

 

[Kurai]

I'm at a 10 so numb & tired of everything

 

[overrdone]

today it's been quiet, id say a 6.

 

[ivllis]

Honestly a 5. I'm in between it because I want to live to keep enjoying my interests but I want all the suffering from my past trauma to end.

 

[umopep!sdn128]

I'm at that final stage where I don't care at all. When I was 17 years old, I fully realized what a failure I was in this life, I freaked out, screamed at people and asked myself to go to a mental hospital. Since then I started taking antidepressants. I degenerated even more, but the drugs drowned out my mental pain. The stage of despair is long over, but this is not the worst thing. Now I can no longer feel strong emotions. This is truly the bottom from which it is impossible to get out, no matter how hard you try. I am actually no longer a living person in the literal sense of the word. Although the only emotion I can feel is fear. Fear of the hell that awaits me if I continue to go with the flow. However, I am unable to resist this in any other way other than suicide. Deep down I long for suicide, but I am afraid that I do not have enough strength and intelligence for this.