thetruetato
Suicidal Femboy :3
- Jan 1, 2024
- 159
Does anyone else get hit with depression suddenly when they think about their future or just the state of existence/themselves in general? One of the few things I can do well is play chess (around 2200 elo online and 1500 USCF) and as much as I try not to compare myself to others it ends up being quite hard as chess is a competitive performance based sport and I just demotivates me so much when I see 13 year olds playing better than I ever will. Honestly my biggest regret was not playing/studying chess more when I was younger (even if that was less than 10 years ago), because with less neuroplasticity it just becomes harder and harder to actually improve (I study/practice for 2-4 hours every single day). It's not a feeling of hatred towards people better than me, but just this lingering ache of not being good enough. In addition, I genuinely have no idea what to do with my life and have no idea what the future will be and it just makes me feel lost and tired of everything.
