CTB Concern: Jumping into River

[M0nolith]

Hello, I have officially lost all hope of anything in my life getting better. I have lost all the willpower I had to keep going. I've realized that I am just not capable of making it in this world, i'm too sensitive, too afraid.

I've been fantasizing about it for awhile, and now it actually seems possible.

I live close to a river, it is very big. What are my chances if I take an absurd amount of a benzo (Specifically Alprazolam), and jump into the river using the bridge. I cannot swim.

I am terrified, but living is so hard and shit isn't going to get better. I now realize that there is something wrong with me, and that I can't fix it, nor can anyone else.

I feel so much guilt, but I see it as my only escape.

 

[sweetcreep]

if no one sees you, it most likely will work. not knowing how to swim will help you. drowning just seems so scary to me, not trying to come off as judgmental or anything. it's a real fear of mine, haha.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I'm sorry you're suffering in this way.

Bridge over water is a method I consider often. Height is a major consideration. Do you know the height of your bridge? Not being able to swim is a big factor. Do you have more info on the size of the river? Use of weights can be helpful - like heavy backpack. Be selective of time of day. If there are many witnesses it can decrease success. Benzos will be helpful for managing SI, which is a big issue with this method.

 

[_Gollum_]

I'd recommend weights using the formula 1029kg/m3 x (your bodyweight in kilos / 900kg/m3). So if you weigh 70kg, 1029 x (70/900) = 80kg, meaning you would need to carry another 10kg to make yourself sink. You could feasibly do it with much less but this gives you some leeway.

Be aware that the hardest part about this method is not the drowning aspect, but the jumping, even if it's from a short drop. All the preparation in the world (getting the right amount of weights, securing them to yourself in such a way that even if you were panicking, you couldn't get them off, etc.) is useless if you're unable to make the leap.

If you can make the leap, though, then I personally think this is a very good method. I would read this paper on the experience of drowning to know what to expect, though the benzos would impact your experience.

 

[peacesky]

I hope you find peace whatever you decide to do.

 

[Wolf Girl]

You will likely succeed at ctb in this manner if help is not readily available. However, I have heard from survivors that the beginning of the drowning process is quite painful and panic-inducing. The choice is yours and there is no perfect method.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I feel like there are far less painful methods out there.

 

[chester]

The height of the bridge is important. If you jump from high enough, it may not matter whether you fall on water or concrete. And about the drowning part, I've never experienced this feeling, but I've heard it's one of the worst things to feel. If you don't leave yourself any way out, then it won't be for very long, it will be horrible nonetheless.