Could be my last drink.

[copioushopelessness]

Ordering a couple overpriced starbucks drinks. Havent had any food. Will have to wait until ths drinks leave my stomach. I was going to wait until nighttime anyway. This awful poor town looks so much uglier during the day.
I wish I were in a hotel room. I don't want to see this awful apartment. I've hated it since I had to move in.
There's nothing good in my life, why does this have to be so scary. I wish I hadn't researched more about sn. I don't want to know the details, now I do. I've always been squeamish about health related stuff even though I'm severely chronically ill. My organs are giving up on me anyway. I'm trying to be careful what I say because I don't want to seem like I'm looking for encouragement. I'm just trying to make connection to someone, something before I go.
I don't want to live with poverty, extreme illnesses and brain damage anymore.

 

[vascomorrow]

Ordering a couple overpriced starbucks drinks. Havent had any food. Will have to wait until ths drinks leave my stomach. I was going to wait until nighttime anyway. This awful poor town looks so much uglier during the day.
I wish I were in a hotel room. I don't want to see this awful apartment. I've hated it since I had to move in.
There's nothing good in my life, why does this have to be so scary. I wish I hadn't researched more about sn. I don't want to know the details, now I do. I've always been squeamish about health related stuff even though I'm severely chronically ill. My organs are giving up on me anyway. I'm trying to be careful what I say because I don't want to seem like I'm looking for encouragement. I'm just trying to make connection to someone, something before I go.
I don't want to live with poverty, extreme illnesses and brain damage anymore.

Brain damage? You sound fine to me

 

[copioushopelessness]

Brain damage? You sound fine to me

Thanks. I'm really not though. My mind isn't what it used to be at all. It's mostly just gibberish and horrible thoughts that don't make sense. I had all I could do to even type a few thoughts.

 

[vascomorrow]

Thanks. I'm really not though. My mind isn't what it used to be at all. It's mostly just gibberish and horrible thoughts that don't make sense. I had all I could do to even type a few thoughts.

I like your posts. You seem to be a nice smart person

 

[copioushopelessness]

I like your posts. You seem to be a nice smart person

Thank you for your kind words. Conversation is so hard now. I don't how to respond.
We have this community online but sometimes I wish we could get together and start a funny farm. The misunderstood and forgotten taking care of eachother. I pray anyone with some hope left keeps going.
I thought the closer I came to this the easier it would be. I fear my last moments, but dying slowly like I have been is too hard. Health really is wealth.

 

[onetrickpony]

brain damage be damned, you seem like a very intelligent & articulate person. i understand the irony of being squeamish despite dealing with the exact things you're squeamish about. best of wishes.

 

[redsendtend]

Thanks. I'm really not though. My mind isn't what it used to be at all. It's mostly just gibberish and horrible thoughts that don't make sense. I had all I could do to even type a few thoughts.

Same here.

I moved out my parents house and was forced into a much poorer scarier ruder and crazier neighbourhood.

My thoughts became erratic and suffered some sort of brain trauma I think— I'm sure that I learnt bad habits that seems so embarrisingly prevelant when around people from my childhood.

(I think that) I fixed it by reading and writing and wearing noise cancelling earmuffs when I wanted to concentrate on things.

I hope you find peace and clarity human

 

[Hollowman]

Sorry about my dumb comment the other day. My brain's damaged too.

 

[copioushopelessness]

brain damage be damned, you seem like a very intelligent & articulate person. i understand the irony of being squeamish despite dealing with the exact things you're squeamish about. best of wishes.

Thank you! Being poked, prodded, stabbed and scanned isn't fun for anyone.
Best of wishes to you too!

Same here.

I moved out my parents house and was forced into a much poorer scarier ruder and crazier neighbourhood.

My thoughts became erratic and suffered some sort of brain trauma I think— I'm sure that I learnt bad habits that seems so embarrisingly prevelant when around people from my childhood.

(I think that) I fixed it by reading and writing and wearing noise cancelling earmuffs when I wanted to concentrate on things.

I hope you find peace and clarity human

Living in a rough neighborhood isn't for the weak. Yeah, people from my childhood crept back. I wish they had stayed in the past.
I'm trying so hard to function again but my mind just isn't what it once was.
I'm glad you found some things that work for you.
Peace to you as well <3

Sorry about my dumb comment the other day. My brain's damaged too.

It's alright we all have our moments. I smiled a bit at that, the old me would've laughed. Trust me I know how cringe my screen name is. I made this account on a night where I thought my attempt was going to be a one and done.
Came across this site by accident.
I didn't think I'd be lurking here for a while. It was all I could come up with.
I'm sorry our brains just don't want to function at full capacity anymore.

 

[lysergamide]

Thank you for your kind words. Conversation is so hard now. I don't how to respond.
We have this community online but sometimes I wish we could get together and start a funny farm. The misunderstood and forgotten taking care of eachother. I pray anyone with some hope left keeps going.
I thought the closer I came to this the easier it would be. I fear my last moments, but dying slowly like I have been is too hard. Health really is wealth.

If we all started a funny farm together I think we'd be officially recognized as a cult

 

[DeadManLiving]

Do you have a TBI?

 

[MephiticShadow]

Thank you for your kind words. Conversation is so hard now. I don't how to respond.
We have this community online but sometimes I wish we could get together and start a funny farm. The misunderstood and forgotten taking care of eachother. I pray anyone with some hope left keeps going.
I thought the closer I came to this the easier it would be. I fear my last moments, but dying slowly like I have been is too hard. Health really is wealth.

I love that. I would join your funny farm