Venting Constant Suicidal Ideation

[ilovepsyschonaut4]

I have suicidal ideation, but its not a passing feeling. Its always in the back of my head, every day, every hour, everyone minute. I could be laughing with friends and I still wonder about it.
"What if I left now?
"What if I left in front of them?"
"How would they react?"
I've felt this way since May.
I wish I could leave now.

 

[LastNite]

Did you try to get help for it?

 

[ilovepsyschonaut4]

Did you try to get help for it?

Psychiatrist, therapy, group therapy, psychologist, inpatient treatment, medication.
At least when people look back they cant say I didn't try to seek help.

 

[iced.fscat]

This is the most relatable thing I've read ever today, and nobody gets it - it's not like I can help it, it's literally there every second and it's unstoppable

 

[DeusVult]

I've had that since I was like 10yo, always thinking about dying. Dying is a hassle.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've had constant ideation for over a decade.

For some of us eliminating ideation seems futile. If we want to live we have to learn to adapt and work around it.

It's a challenge because as you pointed out it saps motivation.