Discussion Comfort in possibility to ctb

[himejima]

Knowing I can ctb is one of the most, if not the most, comforting and motivating thoughts I have in life.

Do you feel the same way?

 

[badatparties]

For me, not really due to all the uncertainty around it, afterlife bullshit etc. It's just my next step to try to get out of my current situation. Hopefully it's all it's cracked up to be.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Knowing I can ctb is one of the most, if not the most, comforting and motivating thoughts I have in life.

Do you feel the same way?

After I finally acquired my SN, i felt that way. I know that my pain and sadness finally has an expiration date.

 

[Forever Sleep]

As others have said. The passive ideation side to it- knowing I can die- is comforting. The active side- how I might achieve that- isn't.

 

[Chemi]

I think that makes total sense. It comes down to the feeling of control and the fight or flight instinct. Depression, anxiety, or whatever problem is overwhelming you currently is extremely exhausting to deal with. If fighting your way out of your problems doesn't seem to work, you just decide to run away, but no matter how far you run away, the problems will at one point catch up to you. Now you feel trapped and totally out of control, which just makes the problems feel way worse... that is, until you see CTB as a viable option to deal with your problems. Finally, you have a way out, and you feel in control again, which can be a huge boost for your mental health. You have some kind of hope again that things might be okay someday.

 

[NaiveRealist]

The thought of CTB can indeed feel comforting at times. However, I worry that it may also have a pernicious effect on one's life. It might temporarily make you feel good but harm you in the long run. You might, for example, be less motivated to improve your life, because after all you can always simply CTB and not have to face your problems. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But I don't know the actual psychological effect of that, and this probably varies from person to person.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me non-existence is just the only relief and comfort which is why I always suffer so much from being denied the option to peacefully cease existing and never exist ever again, all I want is to be gone and I see so much cruelty in how we exist in this horrific anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, all I want is to cease existing painlessly, I just want to never suffer again with this dreadful, torturous existence finally all forgotten.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

It's always a beautiful thought

 

[sannoji]

i think it really depends on the person but i've found great peace from accepting the possibility. i don't keep anything i could use in my immediate space so i won't do anything on impulse, but knowing that the possibility is there and having the know-how on how i could do it is really comforting to me and actually has helped me push past a lot of difficult things. it gives me perspective. kind of like, i'll die when i'm ready but right now there are still things i want to see and do, so i push past impulsive suicidal feelings, and the option is still there if ctb feels rational. viewing it as a last resort instead of some awful taboo that no one should even think about makes me feel less crazy when i'm doing bad lol

 

[404BrainNotFound]

I haven't been actively suicidal for a couple months now (started smoking weed again). I have a whole kit ready to go though, with SN, Metoclopramide, and Kalma presses (purportedly alprazolam) ready to go if/when I need them. It definitely brings me comfort that no matter what happens, it will be MY CHOICE AND MY CHOICE ALONE whether or not I choose to go on.
On the other hand, in a similar vein to @NaiveRealist having that option can certainly make me more impulsive - if I fuck up I can just CTB after all. I have also experienced the reduced motivation they warn of, but that usually takes hold when I'm much closer to CTB, if not quite actively suicidal.