I just finished a book I think you ought to try. "All the Way to the River" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I was hesitant to start it because I didn't realize how punk rock she was. But goddamn! It's a sad but beautiful story about overcoming addiction, and the effects it can have on the people around you. Totally changed my perception of who I am. An addict. Doesn't matter if I'm using anything or not - that is something I will carry for life.
It's about the escape for me. I've always struggled and wondered why I couldn't handle the real world. There's a line in the book where she's talking about psychedelics - she says that she's never had a bad trip - life was the bad trip. Felt like she was speaking directly to me - I knew the feeling. But that's the addiction talking. We are all strong enough to face this world head on, and the strength and confidence gained by doing so are the same things we lose by using substances.
Just know you aren't alone. All us addicts, regardless what the fix looks like, are denying reality because it hurts too much. But the pain isn't necessarily from reality. It's from our warped perception of it (thanks drugs/trauma
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I've grown a lot more spiritual this year. I'm learning that the highs we can chase here are merely distractions. The true prize comes at the end of the ride. The freedom we've always been longing for will come in due time, but while we're here - let's keep learning and growing.
