Actually panic started before taking the pills. I planned to get drunk on whiskey to ease the process but when I poured my first glass of shot, fear started. Up to that point, I was so sure of myself. I really wanted to die so the fear was unexpected. Probably starting (taking action) the process triggered it. I couldn't even drink any whiskey because I get nausea because of fear. After quickly taking the pills, the fear became that blind panic which broke me. I wasn't alone and after a while I went to next room to wake my parents up. They took me to hospital. It was my early twenties...
It might've done its job if I had the courage to wait longer... or not, I don't know. But waiting a while after I totally lost my courage and waking my parents then telling them the situation and then going to car, driving to hospital etc. Getting first medical response took a long time yet I didn't feel much effect of pills, just an average dizziness and numbness.
About guns, you need people with connections. Dealers and hookers are good steps to meet shadier people. If you get caught, it's just weed or prostitution. Way better than trying to search a gun directly imo (unless you're in USA). It's risky but what's the worst thing they can do to you? Kill you?
