cause of death: omegle bf

[sanctionedusage]

if id just met up with my omegle bf i couldve been murdered by a really hot guy in an expensive hotel in manhattan at 17


at an age where dying would've still been a tragedy too, just all around memorable. instead ill just die as some trashy bony 20 something hoe hanging from a random tree and probably getting my foot chewed off by a squirrel. life sux

 

[persepexa]

if id just met up with my omegle bf i couldve been murdered by a really hot guy in an expensive hotel in manhattan at 17


at an age where dying would've still been a tragedy too, just all around memorable. instead ill just die as some trashy bony 20 something hoe hanging from a random tree and probably getting my foot chewed off by a squirrel. life sux

I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. Dying at 20 is still a tragedy. Someone dying at 20, regardless of the method, is seen as tragically young and "taken too soon". If that's your goal, it's not too late. 20 is very young even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

[sanctionedusage]

I'm going to hold your hand when I say this. Dying at 20 is still a tragedy. Someone dying at 20, regardless of the method, is seen as tragically young and "taken too soon". If that's your goal, it's not too late. 20 is very young even if it doesn't feel like it.

meh its an adult. i 'feel' 16 as well but like, its going to say 'woman' in my autopsy notes, not 'girl' or 'adolescent.' i do have a black/white perception of youth tho

 

[aRose]

20 don't feel young to me either but I was disabled by 10 so my view is a bit different. By 20 I'd had more pain than most grown men could handle. I'd need to know why you feel so used up already BUT I also can see how you can feel that way at 20 because I've been there.

 

[sanctionedusage]

20 don't feel young to me either but I was disabled by 10 so my view is a bit different. By 20 I'd had more pain than most grown men could handle. I'd need to know why you feel so used up already BUT I also can see how you can feel that way at 20 because I've been there.

used up omg lol
no reason, i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

 

[persepexa]

meh its an adult. i 'feel' 16 as well but like, its going to say 'woman' in my autopsy notes, not 'girl' or 'adolescent.' i do have a black/white perception of youth tho

I had the exact same thing when I was in my early 20s. I attempted suicide at 24/25 for the exact reason I wanted to be (reasonably) young. I wanted it to be "tragic" and I wanted it to be in a way that everyone thought I was "troubled" so any bad things I had done they'd excuse it as that. I'm Irish so people really brush things under the carpet especially if mental health is involved. Also when I was young I really idolised celebrities who had committed suicide, whether as a deliberate act (Sylvia Plath, Marilyn Monroe) or who's actions led to their death even if it's not clear if that was their intention (Amy Winehouse), and they were all relatively young. The truth is no matter how we plan it, how tragic or dramatic it will be, it will end. People will talk about us for a bit, they'll have the funeral which, even if people don't attend, it will be talked about. And then life will go back to normal, even people who grieve us will go back to their everyday routine. I hope this was reassuring because that's my intention. God I'd love to be 20 again, before everything went wrong.

 

[Zaphkiel]

God I'd love to be 20 again, before everything went wrong.

This so much.
I'd fix so much things i think
The thin is, at this age, i wouldnt know, and OP can't know either.
Anyway OP i wish you to get better soon, you deserves it

 

[persepexa]

This so much.
I'd fix so much things i think
The thin is, at this age, i wouldnt know, and OP can't know either.
Anyway OP i wish you to get better soon, you deserves it

I know that's exactly it. It took me 10 years to figure out what I should have done at 20. I think in general what I would tell myself if I could meet 20-year-old me is to 1 plan things out better, what do you want to do and how are you going to do it, not just coasting by because that didn't get me anywhere, 2 don't cling to people, don't obsess over people, don't beg people to be in your life, among other things it just doesn't work and only drives people away, and 3 travel more, see the world, broaden your horizons. The thing is I also know if I went back in time and met 20-year-old me he wouldn't listen anyway hahahaha.

 

[Pluto]

 

[sanctionedusage]

People will talk about us for a bit, they'll have the funeral which, even if people don't attend, it will be talked about. And then life will go back to normal, even people who grieve us will go back to their everyday routine. I hope this was reassuring because that's my intention. God I'd love to be 20 again, before everything went wrong.

my post may have been misleading with the word "memorable" but this is all based on how i'd see myself, and what i want myself to live up to. other people would say 20 is so young, etc., and i've heard that, witnessed that; i know that's objectively true... to other people. but my standards come from myself and are judged by myself. ideally i wouldnt even be covered in the media or have any interpersonal relationships to be held a service for. i don't care to be perceived that way by other people. yet i'd STILL want to control seemingly 'superficial' or performative aspects of my suicide even with no one to witness it, because IM witnessing it. dying at an inappropriately young age was my personal goal just because i hate being of legal age. regarding the 'if i could go back' speech, my life is already improving and it has no effect on my desire to ctb. if anything, my suicidal ideation began when my life started getting back on track.

 

[aRose]

Yp

used up omg lol
no reason, i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

ure not wrong. The older I get the more I realize I'm still just like 18 yo me but with more problems. I was also very smart and beyond my years so they say so that version of 18 ain't bad really but yet all us "adults" are really just trying our best to fake it imo

 

[lifteddream]

used up omg lol
no reason, i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

18 = 65?
I don't think any culture thinks or conditions that.
Seems thats just a result of your own youth and ignorance. Hope you widen your umwelt, because this is appalling

Yp

ure not wrong. The older I get the more I realize I'm still just like 18 yo me but with more problems. I was also very smart and beyond my years so they say so that version of 18 ain't bad really but yet all us "adults" are really just trying our best to fake it imo

Thats sad. You arent grown beyond your 18 year old self? I read that many adults stop developing beyond 18 but why is that? And no, its not all adults. Not all of them are the same as you, even in only that regard. Ludicrous to say they are all just trying their best to fake it.
Again, its only the ones who have stopped developing beyond 18 years old.

 

[aRose]

18 = 65?
I don't think any culture thinks or conditions that.
Seems thats just a result of your own youth and ignorance. Hope you widen your umwelt, because this is appalling

Thats sad. You arent grown beyond your 18 year old self? I read that many adults stop developing beyond 18 but why is that? And no, its not all adults. Not all of them are the same as you, even in only that regard. Ludicrous to say they are all just trying their best to fake it.
Again, its only the ones who have stopped developing beyond 18 years old.

It's not really a "stopped developing" concept but a hopes and dreams unfulfilled concept.

 

[violetforever]

if id just met up with my omegle bf i couldve been murdered by a really hot guy in an expensive hotel in manhattan at 17

omegle and 17 has me wondering how old the guy was that site was so bad for my childhood. i first found it through my friend of the same age showing it to me at 9. we went on either chat or video like every time i went over to her house. i know they shut it down but there's a bunch of copycat sites of it anyway. a man on there told me to lift my shirt up or he would feed bunnies to a snake in a cage he was showing on his camera and he really did it. i skipped so fast after i saw that he wasn't joking.

i look very young for my age and i have way less of the experiences than others have had by now. im no measurably different from 15, just more tired and weigh less. ive always thought anyone beyond their teens, and especially people legal and above, are all the same, 18 or 65. you could definitely tie that to some csa culture/conditioning i guess.

oh i felt the same as you at 20. i wasn't a teenager anymore and adulthood felt much more real with my age starting with a 2 now. i have a baby face too, short, skinny and flat, inexperienced and sheltered, always and still getting confused or teased for looking/being as young as 13 but at the end of the day it was a fact that i was now a woman in her 20s. i always felt like how other people treated me as both child and adult at times played into my confusion with maturing. i'm 24 and i still identify with my 11-14 year old self most but i'm past dwelling on age so much. i feel negatively for guys my age though because when i was a teenager this is the age group that pursued me. since i interacted with adults when i was underage becoming legal never meant anything there. like it kind of ended before it even started? i weirdly feel at my best and prettiest now but it's funny because i don't even "put it to good use" since i realized it means and brings nothing in terms of what i had hoped for.

18 = 65?
I don't think any culture thinks or conditions that.
Seems thats just a result of your own youth and ignorance. Hope you widen your umwelt, because this is appalling

did you skip over the part where she said CSA? she's not being intentionally ignorant or appalling. she even explained that she knows she is objectively young, she's just had traumatic experiences that distort how she views herself now. it's unfortunately reasonable for her to hold this type of importance and attachment to younger years. that's not easy to overcome and change.

 

[sanctionedusage]

omegle and 17 has me wondering how old the guy was that site was so bad for my childhood. i first found it through my friend of the same age showing it to me at 9. we went on either chat or video like every time i went over to her house. i know they shut it down but there's a bunch of copycat sites of it anyway. a man on there told me to lift my shirt up or he would feed bunnies to a snake in a cage he was showing on his camera and he really did it. i skipped so fast after i saw that he wasn't joking.

same age as me lol and he looked it. he just told me some things about his life and the way he acted made me think this might def be a guy w a messed up dream. takes one to know one

oh i felt the same as you at 20. i wasn't a teenager anymore and adulthood felt much more real with my age starting with a 2 now. i have a baby face too, short, skinny and flat, inexperienced and sheltered, always and still getting confused or teased for looking/being as young as 13 but at the end of the day it was a fact that i was now a woman in her 20s. i always felt like how other people treated me as both child and adult at times played into my confusion with maturing. i'm 24 and i still identify with my 11-14 year old self most but i'm past dwelling on age so much. i feel negatively for guys my age though because when i was a teenager this is the age group that pursued me. since i interacted with adults when i was underage becoming legal never meant anything there. like it kind of ended before it even started? i weirdly feel at my best and prettiest now but it's funny because i don't even "put it to good use" since i realized it means and brings nothing in terms of what i had hoped for.

are you literally me? holy shit everything you wrote is so accurate lol
the only slight difference is since age 12ish, everyone actually treated me as if i was on par with their maturity/experiences, never teased for looking younger than my age, but actually expected to act like i was even older. by high school, multiple unrelated people had told me or heavily implied they thought i had some regular, fun lifestyle with tons of sexual experience, drug use, etc., solely based on how i looked. people ive literally never spoken to or even thought acknowledged me, or who i would've thought would think i looked like a loser. its even weirder now that im 20 and have basically zero of the experiences other people have + now, no chance of ever gaining them because im so much more awkward and apathetic about socializing, but like you, i feel like im the conventionally prettiest ive ever been. just socially obsolete which is such a weird combo and makes me feel extra fucked up. attractive people are supposed to have it all handed to them socially, so if i'm already decently pretty and STILL haven't experienced anything like that, there must be something so deeply wrong with me to reject them before anyone has a chance of interacting with me. which i kind of already knew. i associate most with my 7 year old self lol.

did you skip over the part where she said CSA? she's not being intentionally ignorant or appalling. she even explained that she knows she is objectively young, she's just had traumatic experiences that distort how she views herself now. it's unfortunately reasonable for her to hold this type of importance and attachment to younger years. that's not easy to overcome and change.

18 = 65?
I don't think any culture thinks or conditions that.
Seems thats just a result of your own youth and ignorance. Hope you widen your umwelt, because this is appalling

i dont think you understand what "csa culture/conditioning" means.

 

[violetforever]

same age as me lol and he looked it. he just told me some things about his life and the way he acted made me think this might def be a guy w a messed up dream. takes one to know one

ok thats good even though he still sounds like the quality of guys i'd expect to find on omegle lol. lots of interesting people there.

by high school, multiple unrelated people had told me or heavily implied they thought i had some regular, fun lifestyle with tons of sexual experience, drug use, etc., solely based on how i looked. people ive literally never spoken to or even thought acknowledged me, or who i would've thought would think i looked like a loser.

those assumptions would confuse me as well. it seems like it was maybe in the way you carried yourself or who you associated with back then too??

its even weirder now that im 20 and have basically zero of the experiences other people have + now, no chance of ever gaining them because im so much more awkward and apathetic about socializing, but like you, i feel like im the conventionally prettiest ive ever been. just socially obsolete which is such a weird combo and makes me feel extra fucked up. attractive people are supposed to have it all handed to them socially, so if i'm already decently pretty and STILL haven't experienced anything like that, there must be something so deeply wrong with me to reject them before anyone has a chance of interacting with me. which i kind of already knew. i associate most with my 7 year old self lol.

even if i was handed it, i wouldn't know what to do with it so i pretty much give up ugh. it's really not enough to just look the part. the awkwardness eventually puts people off in my experience. i've had a guy get to know me and i could sense so strongly the moment he started realizing i wasn't what he wanted or thought he was getting bc of the lack of experience i have in basically all areas of a normal life. he wasn't exactly perfect either so it's not all on me. that was just online which doesn't help my case at all lol. i can't even imagine how i'd act around someone in person. i would say i do decent with friendships and fail entirely with anything more but after that i don't even know where i stand now. i don't expect to make friends in school when i begin.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

meh its an adult. i 'feel' 16 as well but like, its going to say 'woman' in my autopsy notes, not 'girl' or 'adolescent.' i do have a black/white perception of youth tho

You are literally 4 years older than 16, ffs. 4 years is nothing.

 

[sanctionedusage]

You are literally 4 years older than 16, ffs. 4 years is nothing.

i feel like people just skim over words and terms that they don't understand and let their brains fill in the context with imaginary reasoning instead. what you quoted literally explicitly says i have a black and white perspective. black and white, meaning all or nothing, and not necessarily rooted in sound logic, but preferring clean categorization. later in the thread i mention exactly how that black and white perspective works. you should be able to understand why your opinion of how 20% of my lifespan is "nothing" is irrelevant. i'll ignore the legal implications of that statement as well lol