Can't see the point

[tehdragonguy]

My life is a fucking mess. My dad is dying, has dementia, is practically brain dead and is just rotting away in a care home. We didn't have the best relationship even when he was normal, he was abusive and manipulative to me and my mum. And all of that side of the family judge me for not dropping everything to care for him. Even though he literally tried to kill me when he was at his worst.

My mum is not in good health, has been unemployed for almost 2 years now and has no money to fall back on so every penny I earn gets spent on her. Yet she smokes and drinks heavily every day. Wastes god knows how much on random crap from amazon or clothes she'll never wear. I hated it when she had a job. But it was her money. Now it's my money and it's just the same.

My relationship with my friends is falling apart because of my mental health. I'm scared to talk to them in case they hate me, because I've done some bad stuff in the past. I'm scared of hurting them more and I'm scared of them leaving me. But I know if I talk to them I'll make things worse.

I don't see the point anymore. Every aspect of my life is fucked. My mental health was fucked before this all kicked off; I'm a nasty, jealous person with massive trust issues. I'm argumentative and snappy and can't take criticism. I'm just a waste of space. Every part of my life has overwhelming negatives, my dad, my mum, myself, my job. I hate it all. Why should I even try?

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Please do not let them mess your life up. Your life is yours. It seems your parents are doing more harm than good. Is there a way to cut or withdraw from the connection? I'm sorry your parents are like this.

 

[The_Sadness_of_Life]

This is very similar to me with my dad. I think you and can relate well and be good friends

 

[tehdragonguy]

Please do not let them mess your life up. Your life is yours. It seems your parents are doing more harm than good. Is there a way to cut or withdraw from the connection? I'm sorry your parents are like this.

I wish I could cut them out of my life. But I could never live with the guilt. My dad probably doesn't have long left and needs a lot of support, and my mum, as much of a drain as she is on my life, does love me and care. Neither of them would be able to survive without me, and I couldn't take the guilt of cutting them out. If I killed myself there would be no guilt.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I wish I could cut them out of my life. But I could never live with the guilt. My dad probably doesn't have long left and needs a lot of support, and my mum, as much of a drain as she is on my life, does love me and care. Neither of them would be able to survive without me, and I couldn't take the guilt of cutting them out. If I killed myself there would be no guilt.

No one could blame you if you were to abandon them. To be fair they're exploiting you. Needless to say your father was abusive, your mother is abusing you as well financially. It's unacceptable to buy random stuffs with your money. But I fully feel your feelings. I just want you to know you deserve to be released from the burden. If you decide to ctb, they'll be abandonded in the end.