Venting Can’t bring myself to commit, but keep ruining life further

[lifeishopeless]

I have already tried to kill myself last month, but chickened out at the last minute. Even now, if I try again I'll probably just chicken out and end up in deeper shit.
But I've also ruined my chances of going into grad school since I didn't put any effort into getting LORs, and I'm failing all the job interviews i managed to get even in this market.
At this rate I'll just be jobless, with no hope for masters, and have to go back to my homophobic shithole of a country.
Plus, if i fail and survive, the guy I'm dating will probably break up since it's too soon to be dealing with this shit and then life will be even worse. I'd probably also become inadmissible into the country or something lol.
Can't get myself to kill myself but keep ruining life further.
Wish I was American so I could easily get a gun and just end it.

 

[ermiasj]

i also chickened out last time at the train tracks im gonna try od on olanzapine at the traintracks

 

[heroingirl]

i was stuck in a destruction cycle for a long time and i know how much it spirals and gets worse and even more suffocating. i dont know your situation enough to possibly say anything helpful enough, but i hope things turn out okay for you. things can get better if you just don't give up yet

 

[Bleh61]

I have already tried to kill myself last month, but chickened out at the last minute. Even now, if I try again I'll probably just chicken out and end up in deeper shit.
But I've also ruined my chances of going into grad school since I didn't put any effort into getting LORs, and I'm failing all the job interviews i managed to get even in this market.
At this rate I'll just be jobless, with no hope for masters, and have to go back to my homophobic shithole of a country.
Plus, if i fail and survive, the guy I'm dating will probably break up since it's too soon to be dealing with this shit and then life will be even worse. I'd probably also become inadmissible into the country or something lol.
Can't get myself to kill myself but keep ruining life further.
Wish I was American so I could easily get a gun and just end it.

I can empathize, I am sitting right next to two bottles of meds. I have over 3000 mg's of Phenobarbital and 4000 mg's of Lamictal. Enough to OD on, but for some reason, I keep failing at killing myself. I've been out of work for 20 months, and I'm probably going to lose my home. Unless I win the lottery, catching the bus is my only real option. I will not leave my home of 12 yrs. They will have to take me out in a body bag.

 

[eternalpace]

Continuing to have a ruined life is why I'm goning to make another attempt. A few years ago, I researched and tried partial hanging but wasn't successful. I gave life a chance to get better but it hasn't... History repeats itself and things have gone horribly... If anything, the bad events have convinced me that I'm making the right decision to again make an effort to exit stage left.

 

[looking4partner]

I have already tried to kill myself last month, but chickened out at the last minute. Even now, if I try again I'll probably just chicken out and end up in deeper shit.
But I've also ruined my chances of going into grad school since I didn't put any effort into getting LORs, and I'm failing all the job interviews i managed to get even in this market.
At this rate I'll just be jobless, with no hope for masters, and have to go back to my homophobic shithole of a country.
Plus, if i fail and survive, the guy I'm dating will probably break up since it's too soon to be dealing with this shit and then life will be even worse. I'd probably also become inadmissible into the country or something lol.
Can't get myself to kill myself but keep ruining life further.
Wish I was American so I could easily get a gun and just end it.

Idk what to say but I heard that the job market is very brutal for almost everyone right now. Like, more difficult than it has ever been to get hired for everyone especially the younger generations. I hope this is not discouraging because I meant that it might not be happening because of anything on your end.

I also heard that some people were actually hired more when they removed credentials and degrees from their resumé that made them appear "overqualified" for the jobs they were applying to.

Some people also mentioned listing proficiency in certain programs the employer wanted them to have experience with even though they didn't. And then, they self-taught themselves the programs after getting hired so they would know how to use it

I don't know if this info is beneficial, but I would want someone to tell me about it if I was in a similar situation because I don't know these types of things and don't have someone with knowledge about this type of advice in my life who would share it

 

[Hermitcrab]

Continuing to have a ruined life is why I'm goning to make another attempt. A few years ago, I researched and tried partial hanging but wasn't successful. I gave life a chance to get better but it hasn't... History repeats itself and things have gone horribly... If anything, the bad events have convinced me that I'm making the right decision to again make an effort to exit stage left.

Not to go into details, but this seems like my exact story lol
Somewhere in this world you have a twin, buddy
(Tho I'm sure that story is not particularly uncommon...)