Help Can someone tell me that my family and friends will be ok? Please!

[Abandoned Phantom]

I'm catching the bus in the next few days. It's going to come so far out of left field. It's going to hurt them immensely! Everyone! My mom, my dad, my sister, my extended family, my 2 best friends. But I can't live like this anymore. They'll be ok right? Someone please! Tell me they'll be ok. I know it's going to hurt. But they'll be ok, right? The pain will eventually stop... right?
Perhaps going to the suicide bereavement subreddit was not the greatest idea I've had. They're the only reason I'm still here. Cause I know how much it's going to hurt.

 

[U. A.]

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[Tarantula]

If they truly do care about you then they probably wont be okay. It's one of the worst losses you can go through. I've joined suicide bereavement communities and I have friends that have experienced suicide grief and almost every single person that I've spoken to that has experienced suicide bereveament has told me that it's not something that you can truly get over. It changes you for the rest of your life. They can learn to live with the pain but it's not easy. I'm not saying this to guilttrip you, I'm saying this because you deserve to have an honest answer. Most of the people that tell you that people will simply just get over it within a few months are full of shit and have probably never experienced suicide grief before. The chances of them truly being okay are very low, anyone can lie about being okay and hide their pain from others so you truly never know.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I'm catching the bus in the next few days. It's going to come so far out of left field. It's going to hurt them immensely! Everyone! My mom, my dad, my sister, my extended family, my 2 best friends. But I can't live like this anymore. They'll be ok right? Someone please! Tell me they'll be ok. I know it's going to hurt. But they'll be ok, right? The pain will eventually stop... right?
Perhaps going to the suicide bereavement subreddit was not the greatest idea I've had. They're the only reason I'm still here. Cause I know how much it's going to hurt.

Hey, sorry to hear you're feeling ctb is your best option, I can't say that anyone is not hurt once someone they care about chooses to ctb. I've had this myself and it's rough to be honest.
Could I ask though, it sounds like you have a lot of support still, so maybe things can become better? Do you live with your parents in stable housing (eg: they own it)? If so, maybe you can work on the problems you're faced with?..
Whatever you choose I wish you all the best, may you find peace and serenity.

 

[traingirl]

I'm catching the bus in the next few days. It's going to come so far out of left field. It's going to hurt them immensely! Everyone! My mom, my dad, my sister, my extended family, my 2 best friends. But I can't live like this anymore. They'll be ok right? Someone please! Tell me they'll be ok. I know it's going to hurt. But they'll be ok, right? The pain will eventually stop... right?
Perhaps going to the suicide bereavement subreddit was not the greatest idea I've had. They're the only reason I'm still here. Cause I know how much it's going to hurt.

Just have to be completely honest. They won't be ok. It's been almost two years since my mom committed and things have just gotten worse to the point I want to ctb too. The pain never stops. I'll have to live with this the rest of my life whether that's me dying soon or continuing on despite the pain. It's the worst thing I've ever felt.

 

[Abandoned Phantom]

Hey, sorry to hear you're feeling ctb is your best option, I can't say that anyone is not hurt once someone they care about chooses to ctb. I've had this myself and it's rough to be honest.
Could I ask though, it sounds like you have a lot of support still, so maybe things can become better? Do you live with your parents in stable housing (eg: they own it)? If so, maybe you can work on the problems you're faced with?..
Whatever you choose I wish you all the best, may you find peace and serenity.

I'm currently living with my parents. I had to move back in with them due to a previous attempt, that they don't know about. I ended up with 2 broken feet amongst some other injuries, rendering me unable to live on my own for the past 10 months. I love my mom, don't like my dad, but I hate living with them. I can't really explain why. Theres just something about living with them thats draining. If I were to boil down my problems, I would say.
1. I feel like a failure. This has snuffed out the light inside. I don't see a future where I get to enjoy life. it just feels like everything I try I'm just going to fail at. I dont see a future where I'm successful. Either relationship wise, or career wise. probably isnt true, but I don't see one.

2. I hate the state of the world we live in, and where it's headed.

I feel like I'm being ripped in half. With one side being to stay, so I don't hurt them, the other side being pushed so I get to stop hurting.

Reason 3 is a small one because it's very much an unknown. Even my podiatrist couldn't say how much I would regain the abilities of my feet, just because of how broken they were. I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk normally again, to run around, if full feeling will come back to them. Climbing stairs is a challenge because I have limited flexibility, so It hurts to walk up and down stairs.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I'm currently living with my parents. I had to move back in with them due to a previous attempt, that they don't know about. I ended up with 2 broken feet amongst some other injuries, rendering me unable to live on my own for the past 10 months. I love my mom, don't like my dad, but I hate living with them. I can't really explain why. Theres just something about living with them thats draining. If I were to boil down my problems, I would say. 1. I feel like a failure. This has snuffed out the light inside. I don't see a future where I get to enjoy life. One where I'm successful. Either relationship wise, or career wise. And 2. I hate the state of the world we live in, and where it's headed. I feel like I'm being ripped in half. With one side being to stay, so I don't hurt them, the other side being pushed so I get to stop hurting.

Sorry to hear you're drained constantly and about your broken feet.
I agree with you on both those, the world is f'd up and getting worse, I haven't succeeded in relationships or career either.
I have to say though, guaranteed housing is something I don't have, and that's the worst thing at the moment;
but if you have guaranteed housing for (what sounds like) life, then could you perhaps try and put up with it, hoping that things may change? No judgement of course.

 

[Abandoned Phantom]

Sorry to hear you're drained constantly and about your broken feet.
I agree with you on both those, the world is f'd up and getting worse, I haven't succeeded in relationships or career either.
I have to say though, guaranteed housing is something I don't have, and that's the worst thing at the moment;
but if you have guaranteed housing for (what sounds like) life, then could you perhaps try and put up with it, hoping that things may change? No judgement of course.

So sorry to hear about your lack of guaranteed housing situation. I've never experienced that, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be. I read absolutley no judgement coming from you, don't worry. In all likelihood, there's a pretty good chance that I push through whatever pain, whether it be phycial or mental, that ails me at any given moment. Hopefully I can find something and someone soon who will give me new purpose in life Thank you for listening, and your kindness.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

So sorry to hear about your lack of guaranteed housing situation. I've never experienced that, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be. I read absolutley no judgement coming from you, don't worry. In all likelihood, there's a pretty good chance that I push through whatever pain, whether it be phycial or mental, that ails me at any given moment. Hopefully I can find something and someone soon who will give me new purpose in life Thank you for listening, and your kindness.

Glad to hear you might reconsider and push through.

Yes, housing is so tough and when you weigh it up it's probably the most important thing in life, at least in my view. If one has housing then they can work on the other problems. It's the main reason why I'm looking at CTB myself, since homelessness is so tough and common now.
I suppose some people might disagree. I recently spoke to someone who had 3 or 4 properties and money yet was complaining that he was 43 and a virgin; I said if by some magic I could swap with him I'd do it in an instant. He however thought he'd rather have sex and kids and become homeless.

 

[woofwag]

So sorry to hear about your lack of guaranteed housing situation. I've never experienced that, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be. I read absolutley no judgement coming from you, don't worry. In all likelihood, there's a pretty good chance that I push through whatever pain, whether it be phycial or mental, that ails me at any given moment. Hopefully I can find something and someone soon who will give me new purpose in life Thank you for listening, and your kindness.

I hope you're able to reconsider and find a way to push through, too. If you are able to do that, and are able to recognize that there are people in your life who can help, then it's definitely possible. But yes, as others have said, it will hurt them immensely for you to CBT. That being said, if you do find yourself in a position where you feel there is no other hope and that your pain is too extreme to continue, then I hope you won't let that guilt trip you into living a life you find unbearable. I think you will know you're really ready when the pain of being alive outweighs the pain of knowing how this will affect your loved ones. It's what pushed me to live all 22 years of my life, and now that the feeling is gone, I know that suicide is what I truly want. Please make sure it's what you truly want, too. I hope you're able to find relief from your pain

 

[suicidesergal]

It will hurt them for most of their life and be a wound that they may never fully recover from. You may increase the chances they later suicide as well. Families might even break apart.

You matter and people love you.

But hey your choice.

 

[gunmetalblue]

If one has housing then they can work on the other problems

As somone who was homeless until a few months ago, i hope whatever happens you dont end up on the streets and manage to find a solution beforehand. But i'd say even with a roof over your head things still can be extremely shitty lol
I wish you peace.

 

[Abandoned Phantom]

I think you will know you're really ready when the pain of being alive outweighs the pain of knowing how this will affect your loved ones. It's what pushed me to live all 22 years of my life, and now that the feeling is gone, I know that suicide is what I truly want. Please make sure it's what you truly want, too. I hope you're able to find relief from your pain

I'm sorry that you've suffered, sorry that the thing pushing you forward has faded away. Wishing you peace for what you decide. Thank you. I think this might be the most powerful advice I've gotten.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

I hope you can find a way out of that house soon once you feel able. There is no understating the impact of a environment that doesn't make you feel good.

 

[Goyasan]

No, no it truly won't and you'd have to be delusional to think otherwise. The only instance I can see that happening where it won't matter is if you've lived in an abusive environment with a family relationship so bad that they don't care. If you're going to CTB, one of the main things you have to actively come to terms with and accept is that your family, if it applies, will always love you, always care about you, and will always miss you.
They're not going to ever "be okay" nor will the pain "eventually stop". Sure, there's a possibility that they'll eventually be able to live but it's not so much that they're going to get over their grief of you but simply learn to live around said grief. If you're going to do it, do it, but accept that there will be impacts. When you have family that you love, and family that loves you, your existence is intertwined with theirs so deeply you're practically apart of them and breaking that entwinement will leave a tear where you used to be.
I apologize if my words come off as gruff or mean, but you deserve the honest truth. It's a choice, a very hard one I know, that you'll have to make because if you're going to do this you must be able accept the consequences of your actions.
I really do hope you're able to get pass those feelings of personal failure. I've been there, and I'm still there, and it feels as though feeling like a failure in all facets of your life permanently tinges your very existence with a rotting smell that only you notice and it feels as though there is no true way to try rid of it to the point it's as if there's no point in trying at all. It's a curse. I can't say "It will get better, don't worry!" cause that's insensitive and I don't truly know your circumstances but I just want you to know that I relate to the feeling of perpetual internal failing and how that can tinge your ability to manage your day to day. I know you said that there's a likely chance you might be able to push through, and I truly do wish that you can do it. I'm rooting for you!

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

As somone who was homeless until a few months ago, i hope whatever happens you dont end up on the streets and manage to find a solution beforehand. But i'd say even with a roof over your head things still can be extremely shitty lol
I wish you peace.

Thank you friend. I hope so too. There are nasty stuff happening to people on the streets. The situation here in Australia is similar to the US, poor people like me have almost no chance. I've never experienced homelessness before, from everyone's accounts it's scary. Yea things can be shitty even in a home (it's why people run away), but my belief is it's much worse without it. At least if you have a permanent house you can try to endure the rest. It's the main reason why I'm gonna have to CTB soon.