Venting Can one be condemned to chronic suffering?

[montanatype]

Really, I don't know if this is a venting or if I would go to recovery, simply, the only thing I knew in my life was suffering, I could never be happy, not even for once in my entire life, likewise, I couldn't love myself because I wasn't up to the task, therefore, by not loving myself I couldn't feel loved, lately the weight of all my actions, my experiences, and my pain is rubbed in my face day by day. day, I want to be happy, but I don't know how anymore, and being happy, living life is the privilege of humans, I, who almost abandon all desire and emotion, it is difficult for me, it is not simply a venting, it is a total alienation combined with a pinch of regret, it could still be my SI, but I would like to be able to experience the other side of life, but, everything depends on me, it is sad, but that's how it is, everything depends on me, I don't know if the desire for self-sabotage wins me, the only thing that I know I'm terribly close to the end, symbolically or literally speaking, I was always a lukewarm person.



How sad it all is, I would have liked to have more support, but it seems that depression is a beast, now I realize, giving up everything is difficult, feeling so alone,