Can anyone relate? Received some positive news but still feel like there's no point in living a life that can't satisfy me anymore, I'm too far gone.

[Exhausted546]

I'd be content with a middle class life lived with dignity but i don't feel as though that's possible anymore. I accumulated way too many Ls over the past decade, a ton more than my peers. Amongst a million other things in feel like it's too late to establish a decent life with dignity

Feel like a video game where so many things went wrong after a specific event in adulthood that led you to rock bottom and everything that followed was just your struggle attempt and failures to recover back to normaly and functionality for a decade, accumulating tons of humiliation,mockery,scorn along the way, draining the fight you had in you.. all in all, it feels like a corrupted gamefile that won't amount to a basic decent life i could be satisfied with anymore

I still have a my set up to end it whenever it feel like it. I got some news that should make life a big washer for me this semester but I'm now hesitating. If i die. I need to do it tomorrow evening. Otherwise i need to put all my efforts into improving my situation knowing deep down my best efforts will still lead me to a mediocre life at this stage....

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm possibly a fair bit older than you- at 46. But now, yes- opportunities that would have inspired me years ago fall a lot flatter these days. Because I have the knowledge/ experience that even great sounding things don't necessarily pan out to be all good. I kind of know the pitfalls now too.

Also, when it's only an offer on the table, they have in the past- sky rocketed my hopes- only to fall through and leave me really disappointed and lost. So- I tend to limit my enthusiasm of proposed things these days.

For me though, it's because I don't get so much out of doing the same work I used to love. Neither the process or the result seems so worth it now. It still feels better than other jobs. So- there is still gratitude there- when opportunities come up. But, it's not the same. It's more a relief if anything- that I can continue to follow the lesser of the evils path for now. For me, it's because I don't feel able to suicide now. (While my Dad is alive.) Personally, that's still my prefered choice. Just, out of reach at the moment.

But, it does absolutely feed into my ideation. If my best possible life doesn't inspire me to want to live and specifically- to put in the (huge) effort to achieve and sustain- where do you really go from there? If the best isn't good enough, there's nothing more to aim for. After that, it's really just aiming for harm reduction. The path of least resistance. That's no way to live though.

 

[vascomorrow]

Consider selling everything and moving to a 3rd world country to dissappear and maybe restart. I think about this sometimes

 

[Exhausted546]

Consider selling everything and moving to a 3rd world country to dissappear and maybe restart. I think about this sometimes

I'm already on the verge of being homeless so that's no good