Story By 2027 I either flee the country or kill myself

[IsolatedChaos]

"I don't want to go back to my country. I hate it there so much. I'm currently on the first vacation abroad I've ever taken by myself and I am already worried about getting back "home". I can't fucking do this anymore I can't stay here and I feel trapped and there's no way out. I wanna die before I get there. I want to just never return at all. Just... Wait it out, run out of money, CTB. I'm so conflicted and I hate this fascist country I'm stuck with I hate it I hate it I hate it."

A comment I've made a couple of days ago. In a fit of emotion, of course. Now let's get realistic.

I've been fighting suicidal thoughts my entire life, let's not pretend that I'm actually going to do it some day soon. I have no choice but to at least put up a bit of fight. So fine. No more with the stupid stalemate conflict of wanting to die but also not wanting to go. Either do it or don't, coward (me). So fuck it, if there's anything I've realized during this vacation is that I can't keep living like this. And luckily a significant solution exists- move. Out. Of. Here.

So I'm going to have a go at it, and I think I'd like to keep you all posted about it, if you'd like to!
I'm not sure if to put this under "suicide discussion" or "recovery", haha.

Either way, I'll see you all later! Keep yourselves safe

 

[A_Lost_Feeling]

"I don't want to go back to my country. I hate it there so much. I'm currently on the first vacation abroad I've ever taken by myself and I am already worried about getting back "home". I can't fucking do this anymore I can't stay here and I feel trapped and there's no way out. I wanna die before I get there. I want to just never return at all. Just... Wait it out, run out of money, CTB. I'm so conflicted and I hate this fascist country I'm stuck with I hate it I hate it I hate it."

A comment I've made a couple of days ago. In a fit of emotion, of course. Now let's get realistic.

I've been fighting suicidal thoughts my entire life, let's not pretend that I'm actually going to do it some day soon. I have no choice but to at least put up a bit of fight. So fine. No more with the stupid stalemate conflict of wanting to die but also not wanting to go. Either do it or don't, coward (me). So fuck it, if there's anything I've realized during this vacation is that I can't keep living like this. And luckily a significant solution exists- move. Out. Of. Here.

So I'm going to have a go at it, and I think I'd like to keep you all posted about it, if you'd like to!
I'm not sure if to put this under "suicide discussion" or "recovery", haha.

Either way, I'll see you all later! Keep yourselves safe

wishing you the best

 

[camusfan_ig]

Wishing you the best man. I may not know your entire situation, but I know how it feels to be trapped. I hope you're able to move out of your country <3

 

[IsolatedChaos]

Wishing you the best man. I may not know your entire situation, but I know how it feels to be trapped. I hope you're able to move out of your country <3

wishing you the best

Thank you guys!

 

[Dawnfang11]

Good luck, friend! It sounds like a big step, and I wish you well with this endeavour. Good on you for fighting back! I hope you find your peace, whatever that ends up looking like for you o7

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

Which country are you fleeing from? It's pretty bad no matter where you go now. Housing ànd rents too expensive, food too, homelessness very likely and every country is criminalising it, SA, drugs & alcohol. Whole world is going to hell.
If you have stable housing and good support network perhaps consider staying where you're from and working on any other problems... it's very hard to even survive now.

 

[InevitableDeath]

Good decision.

If you're young enough, don't mind living cheap and can hustle then move from your home country. You can always go back if it fails. Most western countries just want passive, desperate wageslaves now and will grind you into the dirt. You won't have the energy or drive later to move. Have to do it when you're young.

I've lived long enough to discover western capitalist "values" such as duty, consumerism, property and ambition are a lie and a trap. The carrots are shrinking and the big sticks are being readied to beat the hell out of people. People who are getting worse by the day, less creative, less intelligent, less human.

Propaganda is making morons out of them all.

So, you're right, do it. Good luck.

 

[IsolatedChaos]

Which country are you fleeing from? It's pretty bad no matter where you go now. Housing ànd rents too expensive, food too, homelessness very likely and every country is criminalising it, SA, drugs & alcohol. Whole world is going to hell.
If you have stable housing and good support network perhaps consider staying where you're from and working on any other problems... it's very hard to even survive now.

I appreciate the good intention, but I feel like it's a bit unfair to suggest that when you don't know my situation.

Some countries are going through actual war right now, some are dictatorships, etc. I have my reasons for wanting to leave; I wouldn't be making such a big statement if my situation here wasn't significant.

Of course I have my own work to do as well, but moving away is the first step to having an environment in which I can do that.

I hope it clarifies things a little bit- I really don't want to come off as rude so I'm sorry if something didn't come out as well as I intended, I mean no harm!

My decision is made, and I appreciate the support you've given me either way
I hope your day goes by as well as possible! I know it's hard out there for everyone, and I'm here if you ever wanna talk about it

 

[lpdsvm]

If you are abroad, just stay to feel better or move to another country. If you have valuable things there try to get them if you have someone you trust. No need to come back. Just stay abroad. I am abroad and I am doing somewhat OK for now. I can CTB anywhere. I will never come back.