Venting Boyfriend just admitted to me he watch’s csem

[M Berry M]

I don't know what the fuck to do I love this man more then fucking anything I was finally starting to feel like I didn't want to we are supposed to move in together we're supposed to get married one day

He's my first non abusive partner and he admitted to me he's looked at csem online and that he's gotten off to it before I want to die I love him but I don't think I can handle this I love him more then the world

I asked him when the last time he did it was he said WEEKS ago I thought maybe it was years ago but only weeks!!!


I have no where else to post this I want to fucking vomit

He knows I have survived constant csa my entire childhood

I feel like this has to be a bad dream it feels so surreal I want to wake up…

I want to kill myself again everything was finally starting to be ok for the first time in my life and I feel everything crashing down

 

[enditplz]

That's disgusting, I'm so sorry you're going through this. The only reason he told you is to gauge your reaction before he tries to escalate it further or even reveal worse things that he's done. If he felt shame he'd keep it to himself and try to avoid that type of material. This is a sick bastard and this relationship will turn abusive.

 

[Mooncry]

That's fucking disgusting and I'd drop his ass in a heartbeat. Not even sorry, anyone who gets off to kids—especially someone who ADMITS to it like they're proud—is repulsive. I wouldn't be shocked if he's in possession of full-on CP too. Someone needs to check his hard drive.

I'm sorry for you, but I really hope you'll leave him.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Notify authorities. Whatever good you see in them is likely a front anyway.

 

[wham311]

I don't know what the fuck to do I love this man more then fucking anything I was finally starting to feel like I didn't want to we are supposed to move in together we're supposed to get married one day

He's my first non abusive partner and he admitted to me he's looked at csem online and that he's gotten off to it before I want to die I love him but I don't think I can handle this I love him more then the world

I asked him when the last time he did it was he said WEEKS ago I thought maybe it was years ago but only weeks!!!


I have no where else to post this I want to fucking vomit

He knows I have survived constant csa my entire childhood

I feel like this has to be a bad dream it feels so surreal I want to wake up…

I want to kill myself again everything was finally starting to be ok for the first time in my life and I feel everything crashing down

Tell him to cut that shit off NOW before he ruins everyone's lives.

 

[wait.what]

I don't know exactly what CSEM stands for, but I get that it's some variation on predatory practices involving kids. I won't get more specific, partly because I don't think I need to, and partly because we don't need to dangle any more keyword bait above NYT journalists, causing them to hallucinate that they work at "The Sun."

Anyhow—please protect yourself and any kids in your life, and cut this fellow out now. You may or may not already have cp on your devices. Has he ever used your phone, tablet, computer, etc? Even if he never deliberately downloaded illegal images, they could still be in your cache, and you could be held responsible. Please don't clear out the cache & imagine the images are gone. They're not.

Honestly, at this point, I'd look into finding a digital security professional.

All of that is bad enough—imagine if you ever had kids with this dude. Better to know now.

 

[decayofangels]

That's extremely horrible, you need to leave him now. That is a terrible man, and you deserve someone who doesn't get off to children. I know you said you loved him, but this goes beyond your love for him. Leave him and cut him off immediately.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I don't know exactly what CSEM stands for, but I get that it's some variation on predatory practices involving kids. I won't get more specific, pa

Child sexual exploitation material, another term for CP.

 

[oneeyed]

I can usually understand stuff from construction, to engineering principles, to space exploration. But never in a million years could I ever understand why people enjoy cp. I can't even type it out! I don't know what to say to comfort you but I don't think this relationship will be healthy. If he expresses regret, maybe he can get physiological help. If not, it will just spiral and hopefully the authorities will deal with him before he does something even worse.

I'm sorry. You must be so conflicted.

 

[bankai]

well the relationship is done. you don't have a future with this guy. can't have kids with him either and God help the person that does.


I'm sorry for your pain though.

 

[FoxSauce]

That is unacceptable if this person watches this kind of content and enjoys it god know what will happen.

Ofc maybe you should tell him how this makes you feel? Idk im just saying. But if he doesn't care or is disguising the whole thing. Drop his ass
Its illegal!

I'm sorry you had to go through that must've felt like a slap to the face

My deepests sympathies for you , virtual tight hugs for you

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm so sorry you are even confronted with something like this by someone you love(d)!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Report him to the authorities. You loving him doesn't mean shit when he is actively contributing to the harm of other children through consuming CSEM.

 

[QuinineGuy]

End it. Notify law enforcement.

 

[Worndown]

Ouch! There is no good answer here.
This does not look good for him. It is unfortunate for you.
I am sorry you are emotionally dependant on him. What do you need to survive? His bad choices should not lead to your demise.

 

[Apathy79]

Yeah this is a difficult one. Love can survive a lot but it's hard to imagine this not being a long term issue. I assume there are levels to this? Maybe he's at the lowest level where he has an unnatural attraction he can't help but keeps from acting on it this way? And he wants the relationship to be completely honest. I suppose it's conceivable he's not a bad person. Even then though. I mean you could never have kids with him. Where is the relationship going?

 

[Alice563]

Have you heard sometimes about those women whose man was doing bad stuff to others and they were closing their eyes? This is unfortunately complicity in crime. You HAVE TO report it. This behaviour is not legal or moral. But reporting it is your legal and moral obligation. You can prevent many lives to be messed up!! Believe me! On "looking" is not finishing. He just shared with you what he felt "comfortable" with.
You say he is the one that is not abusive to you. But he is abusive to others. He is not the good guy. He might not be really physically or any other way interested into you, you are not his target, he just uses you.
There are PLENTY good guys out there. Most of them. Please you need to go to therapy, because you need to work on your trauma. I know people who had many boyfriends and neither were abusive. You are unconsciously attracted to toxic, abusive men. You do not deserve that!
Stand for yourself (with help of therapist) and first stand for those kids. You have a voice.

 

[botanormal]

I know how utterly horrible it is to be in a position like that, where you find out somebody you truly love is engaging with such horrific behaviour. You poured so much of your heart into this person, and in turn, he did something absolutely unforgiveable. Please listen to the voice inside you telling you this isn't okay, it's not something you can put up with or handle. It's going to hurt beyond belief to go through such a breakup, especially when you had previously trusted him to be the only decent partner you've ever had. But watching csem is not okay, it is completely illegal & morally disgusting, and if he feels comfortable disclosing that to you, then what else is he comfortable with? I am so so sorry you're going through this, especially when you were just starting to feel okay. You deserve a world more than this

 

[Alice563]

Read about Christian Bruckner and leave this guy and report his behaviour as soon as possible.

 

[DarkShadows]

Any children he spends time around are in potential danger. You should leave immediately and report him.

 

[gottacheckout]

What everyone above has said, you need to leave him and report him. If you don't he could or would drag you down with him. No one is worth it

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

report him, please. he's much more likely than not going to assault and abuse a child at any point in the future.

 

[Phosphate mate]

Well this is an awful situation - I'm so so so sorry for you.

The man you thought you'd be with probably sexually prefers Children deep down over you.

Emotionally you two probably get on great - It's a bit of a dilemma isn't it.

Morally, you should probably cut ties as even if you think it sounds harsh, then report him to the police and make sure he can't wipe devices etc.

If he's been pleasuring himself to CSAM/CSEM he probably has it on his phone or has had it at some point leaving a trace.

Do with that what you will. The choice is yours. You and him are the only ones who know of his activity.

 

[Crematoryy]

I don't know what the fuck to do I love this man more then fucking anything I was finally starting to feel like I didn't want to we are supposed to move in together we're supposed to get married one day

He's my first non abusive partner and he admitted to me he's looked at csem online and that he's gotten off to it before I want to die I love him but I don't think I can handle this I love him more then the world

I asked him when the last time he did it was he said WEEKS ago I thought maybe it was years ago but only weeks!!!


I have no where else to post this I want to fucking vomit

He knows I have survived constant csa my entire childhood

I feel like this has to be a bad dream it feels so surreal I want to wake up…

I want to kill myself again everything was finally starting to be ok for the first time in my life and I feel everything crashing down

The comments I read on your post are full of ignorance and not even worth reading. They are presumptuously accusing your boyfriend without any grounds.

Be aware that accessing pornography online predisposes an individual to accidentally exposing themselves to undesirable content. Consuming such content does not necessarily mean that the viewer approves of what they see. Furthermore, when there is a lot of repetition, the neurological mechanism of addiction makes people constantly seek out new things, so that they can have the same stimulation as before. If you like your boyfriend, just help him avoid this. Don't judge and seriously ask him to what extent this behavior reflects on his character. If there is reason to be more suspicious, walk away.

[I warn anyone who comes to criticize me that I am not willing to respond, so don't waste your time]