Venting boyfriend is scared of me committing CTB

[kimikatachibana]

he's the only one i have left besides supstances.
we've been fighting a lot recently over things which ended up him saying him wishing he never met me and how i'm manipulating him into this relationship so i don't kill myself
it is true though, i hate myself so much for it but i simply cannot continue living without him and i keep hurting him due to me being sick in the head (bpd haha)

i cant blame him, i can't imagine the pressure i put on him and i promised him i would be better but it all seems hopeless
maybe it is easier to end it all, maybe that would result in him being happier when i'm gone but this is the first time i've ever felt happy with someone and i don't wanna just throw it away. i am really thinking about reaching out for help because if i want to keep this relationship i need to work on myself as a person.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds like a difficult and painful situation to be in, and it must be hard to deal with. But anyway I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Coal54321]

I am in the exact same position... if things in my relationship arent good I get high. If things arent good and I'm not high all I can think about is offing myself. She says similar things to me as ur bf and I feel the same way as u do. But I physically cannot go on without her. I genuinely have NOBODY else. I know her and I can fix things and have a happy future, and if that doesnt end up happening I know the only thing I can do is ctb

but yeah completely relate with you and im sorry about the situation

 

[arcadia]

I was in the position of your boyfriend two years ago, and what I can say is what I felt a lot of the time was crippling fear. I ended up leaving because I knew I couldn't help them in the way they needed (they resisted getting professional help) and because I spent every living moment fearing the idea of losing them. The main thing I would recommend is to seek some form of help, both to make you happier, and to aid the health of your relationship. You deserve to find some, if any, stability in your life so that you can see this relationship through. I wish you the best

 

[Worndown]

Are you seeing anyone about the BPD? All solutions start there. If you have meds and they are not helping, try to get them changed. These are not magic but should at least take some of the edge off of life.
My ex vigorously declined ALL assistance. Her life was hell. She made my life VERY interesting. I will never repeat that journey.