Birthday Anxiety

[arnoldpalmer]

Does anyone else hate their birthday? I get anxious and try my best to forget whenever it's approaching. I think part of it is immense guilt that I should celebrate myself when I haven't done anything (feeling guilty for everything is my default anyway), but I think I'm also scared that no one will remember it. I'm the type of person who reads into things way too much, so whenever someone (even if it's someone who I know loves me) forgets my birthday I feel such abandonment and I immediately try to figure out what I did wrong and why they hate me or worse, don't care about me. I know it's silly to think about birthdays this much. Whenever I make a new friend and learn their bday, I put it in my phone calendar and try to get them a gift, but my love language isn't receiving gifts. I think I just need to feel the recognition to feel wanted. It's paradoxical because I try so hard to forget about it, but I end up worrying about it more because I'm so scared of feeling unloved.

 

[BurgundySnap]

arnoldpalmer,

Wow, I relate heavily to this...I despise my own birthday to the point I never tell people what it is. When I learn someone's birthday, I add it to my calendar and make sure to wish them well at the least. It really does feel like you should not be celebrating yourself. It feels wrong in a way...It is not silly to think that way, I would like to say I understand your worries. It would definitely feel like someone is mad at you or as if you wronged them if they did not acknowledge it.
It is a confusing paradox, one that makes a bit of sense in the end maybe only to you. I hope you will get recognition when it matters like this.

 

[arnoldpalmer]

arnoldpalmer,

Wow, I relate heavily to this...I despise my own birthday to the point I never tell people what it is. When I learn someone's birthday, I add it to my calendar and make sure to wish them well at the least. It really does feel like you should not be celebrating yourself. It feels wrong in a way...It is not silly to think that way, I would like to say I understand your worries. It would definitely feel like someone is mad at you or as if you wronged them if they did not acknowledge it.
It is a confusing paradox, one that makes a bit of sense in the end maybe only to you. I hope you will get recognition when it matters like this.

I'm kinda relieved to hear that. A lot of my friends either throw parties for themselves or celebrate in some way and don't seem to relate. Thanks

 

[sos]

i'm experiencing two different sides regarding my birthday.

one side i truly hate my birthday. i always tell people that i don't want to celebrate it, nor do i want to receive gifts.

but at the same point i'm surrounded by people who celebrate their own birthdays. when u think about birthdays u think of decorations, gifts, and all that.

so i've kinda grown into being fine to somewhat celebrate my birthday (but mainly to please others), as long as it doesn't take more than like five minutes.

kinda the mindset of tell me happy bday, give me gifts, if there are any and continue ur day.

i don't wanna be in the center of attention for an entire day, or well, for longer than a certain amount of time.

literally drains the life out of me.

 

[Xielian]

You're not alone. I have always hated my birthdays and have often found the stress they cause to be horrible. Having to try to mask my feelings feels terrible. I have autism and suffer from really bad anticipation anxiety, and the thought of being the center of attention makes me feel anxious, embarrassed, and guilty. Also, the idea of celebrating my birth and another year alive makes me feel worse because I'd rather not be here at all. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with your birthday and hope it's not too stressful.

You're not alone. I have always hated my birthdays and have often found the stress they cause to be horrible. Having to try to mask my feelings feels terrible. I have autism and suffer from really bad anticipation anxiety, and the thought of being the center of attention makes me feel anxious, embarrassed, and guilty. Also, the idea of celebrating my birth and another year alive makes me feel worse because I'd rather not be here at all. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with your birthday and hope it's not too stressful.

The fear of abandonment while not wanting to be a bother is such a painful paradox.:(