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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,163
Anyone out there with bipolar disorder who wants to commit suicide? How do you cope with your daily life until "that day" comes? (or not)

I'm one of those. I mean, I've been going to the therapist and shrink for years and it's usually the same:
There are days in which the world just sucks and some other days where the world is the best place ever!

However, here's the thing:


Even if I'm having one of the "depressing" days, when I'm at work or surrounded by people, I always fake my emotions and show them the typical happy person.
For instance, I'm a teacher and my students are not the ones to blame for my bipolar disorder so I'm always teaching English cheerfully to them but when I get home, I feel twice or four times sadder than before.

On the one hand, I think if I weren't this unstable, I might feel like living up life.
On the other hand, I'm under the deepest depression I've ever been in spite of treatment and have lots of reasons to CTB.

Anyway, I would like to read your personal experiences. Your guidance might help me out.
 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
I'm bipolar and I want to ctb for a couple of reasons. One reason being I'm incompetent and another being I have a hard time articulating myself verbally. I like your avatar btw. I love Dragon Ball.
 
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bpdandme

Experienced
Feb 3, 2020
239
I'm bipolar and I want to ctb for a couple of reasons. One reason being I'm incompetent and another being I have a hard time articulating myself verbally. I like your avatar btw. I love Dragon Ball.
I also struggle with self articulation, I feel like my brain and mouth aren't wired together!
 
Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
I also struggle with self articulation, I feel like my brain and mouth aren't wired together!
Some around me say I articulate fine, but I know I don't because for example, I called CVS to explain something to them and I couldn't explain what I needed to explain so I had to write it down (I articulate fine in writing, just verbally I struggle in)
 
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Reactions: bpdandme
Poptart

Poptart

Try me Frozen
Nov 7, 2019
99
I have severe bipolar 1 with mixed features.

Even when I'm genuinely happy I still feel a lump in my throat like I need to cry.


My last manic episode cost me my job. I was so sick I was hospitalized for almost two months. I'm too fucked up to function in any meaningful way because of my bipolar. (I was a teacher.)

Its unfortunate that I love living so much. Because I dont deserve it.
 

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