Being stupid

[N33dT0D13]

and having that stupidity compounded by impulsivity and depression and shit lmaooooo
I wish I wish I wish
I wish I weren't so shameful and stupid and so much of an asshole and therapy won't fix any of that will it... Like maybe I'm not doomed but maybe I am lol... Maybe I'd be smarter if I drove an ice pick through my brain :D
Maybe I'd still suck even if I were a genius cuz I suck on an inherent level and the stupidity adds to it sure but I won't ever stop sucking maybe, maybe? Maybe. Maybe! Maybe maybe...
Selfishness too!!! Stupidly selfish, selfishly stupid, stupid self-absorbed worm...

 

[N33dT0D13]

stupid stupid stupid atupid stupid atupid atupid stupud sipid stioud stupid stupid stupid stupid stupis srupid srupis stupid stupir stupid stupid stupoid I hate myself so fucking much

I wish I could kill myself. I really, really do. I wish my best friend never met me and I wish I never got another dog and I wish I weren't a coward. I wish I weren't me. I wish I weren't a stupid asshole. I wish I didn't keep hurting my own fucking feelings. I wish I wish I wish, I wish I weren't so entitled and annoying and STUPID!!!

I am an absolute piece of shit and everyone can see it, what reason at all is there for me not to kill myself?

It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Nothing I do matters, not in a positive way. Either I live a nothing life or I piss people off or upset them. Literally why not just kill myself, I don't contribute anything good to anything. No one will even read my posts in time, they'll clock me as a problem poster and ignore me til I'm banned and it's what I deserve!!! :D

I want to beat my skull in with a brick.

 

[N33dT0D13]

IIIIII~ just wanna die~
Put the noose around me baby, put the noose around me baby~

I want to be murdered so bad lmao
The panic, despair, the feeling that I was right all along and never belonged on this miserable bitch of an earth as the last of my life is beaten out of me, hot damn

Future murder victim lmao, I'd be a great murder victim, no one would miss me for too long or even notice I'm gone most likely and the ones that do, would be relieved! It's a win-win lol, someone uses me as a stress ball and I cease existing, literally a win-win!!!

Ahh and I'm hurting all over and crying and feel so vulnerable and full of horror and dread and regrets lmao, oh it'd be so fitting for my dumb ass

Punched and kicked and stabbed and stomped on lol, decapitated, dismembered, disemboweled!! So many ways to destroy one person, I'm like a buffet!! Fuck I'd be the perfect murder victim...

...I told my friend that I wouldn't try to find someone to kill me and that I'd work on not wanting to be murdered but... Well failed that second one hard lol but I'm not looking for anyone to kill me... Not like actively looking lol, he'll be relieved when I'm gone anyway so it's not that bad, he's got better friends, he's good!! He doesn't need me for anything, he'll be good!! Everyone will be so relieved, I hope I die soon!!

 

[N33dT0D13]

...I have literally just
JUST
JUST FUCKING NOW learned how to give reactions other than likes... Entirely on accident might I add, I am the dumbest fucking person lmao

 

[N33dT0D13]

Pfft
Just broke part of my tooth opening a beer bottle lmao
Why can't Zeus just fire off a lightning bolt right up my asshole and just kill me immediately, or else fry me from the inside out, let it hurt a lil lmao, would be fucking awesome and hilarious frankly, I wanna piss off the gods so much they smite me but I'm too lazy lol why don't they have dating sites for murderers and murder victims I JUST WANT TO BE MURDERED DAMMIT AND I VERIFIABLY DESERVE IT IT'S NOT FUCKING OKAY THAT I'M STILL WALKING AROUND ALL LIVING AND SHIT, I'M BASICALLY ALREADY A GHOST SO WHY SHOULD I FEEL BAD FOR WANTING THE JOB FINISHED, AHHHHH

Zeus I know you're a slut, we can fuck then you can smite me... Zeus so would not want to fuck my fat ugly ass
Like Zeus is just a slut and Hera's fucking yandere and they both suck lmao OMG DUH I don't even need to fuck Zeus, just idly lust after him visibly enough and Hera would fucking murder me lmao, murder is such a fun word lol, MURDER, so mysterious lmao bet he's a Scorpio, I'd fuck the word "Murder", more readily than any human frankly, such a fucked up energy the word has, so intoxicating lmao, ooh just fists on my face and a blade in my fucking chest, red red rivers flowing from my peaks and valleys, imagine, IMAGINE ME AS A RED WATERFALL OMG :D

It'd be so warm, so nice... Death death death death way hs whatjdkdlkdl fucking autocorrect I want ppl to seeh typos so they know how fucking dumb I am lmao

But no one even has to murder me really... I really want to... I promised my psychiatrist that I wouldn't, until at least our next session but Wednesday is right around the corner and I only promised it so she wouldn't send me to the hospital lmao and if I'm careful this week, I can fucking drown myself, as a treat lol, just dive into the water with a backpack full of shit... Okay SI would probs get in the way, I'll workshop it lmao, it is entirely theoretically at this point cuz I'm a coward but I'm sure it'd be easier if I just hated myself a lil more :D

I'll do it myself, no one loves or hates me enough to end me so I'll hate myself more and do it cuz people are fucking unreliable and good for them, love people :D

I feel so bad for the people in my life but I won't have a life to be in soon enough!!
...It will never be soon enough lmao

 

[N33dT0D13]

...I really hate being this stupid
I don't know shit, I can't do shit, I can't make sense of shit, I might as well be a lobotomite, at least I might be less sad...