Venting Being stuck with toxic parents as an adult sucks and feels degrading in a way

[sohopelessandempty]

I just want to know I'm not alone. I feel so pathetic but there's nothing I can do at the moment. As a child I always dreamed of moving out at 18 and being free, but with the current state of the world and also some personal stuff going on, I can't afford it. I used to look forward to this so much but now it just feels hopeless. I'm 18 and still stuck here. I don't have any new freedom, and because I can't afford to move out, their roof their rules, it's like they don't even see me as a person, let alone an adult. It feels humiliating but I hate how teenagers are expected to do literally everything and know what they wanna do with their lives, why does society expect us to have the money to move out at such an early age? And why is staying with my parents during college considered leeching off of them? We never asked to be born, yet after being born against our will society expects us to pay for our own lives as soon as we turn 18, the life I never even asked for. I'm sick and tired of everything. I want to die. I want somebody to tell me this doesn't make me a pathetic bum. I'm unemployed, used to have a job and got fired(long story) and I can't get a new job at the moment since I have to do intensive outpatient soon so I won't have time, which is another long story. Everything hurts so much. I'm trying not to kill myself, suicide is already depressing but to die a loser without even getting to experience life once getting free from my parents is even more depressing. So I'm trying to tolerate life but it's so awful. These pills don't help much because no amount of pills or therapy could fix the root which is life itself, that is so terrible and nothing can trick me into liking something I truly despise.

 

[trashisland]

im 20 and I still live at home. youre not alone, I understand your situation. im unemployed too and im not even in school so im just a neet living with my family. the world sucks and unless youre really lucky, its unlikely youd be able to move out at 18 when adulthood has just started because everything is so expensive. so its not bum behaviour to be at home at your age, even if it feels like it. with a toxic family the only way to really deal with it is to just stick it out. its unlikely theyll change so unfortunately you just gotta deal with it, as much as it sucks to do that. I know that from experience

 

[sohopelessandempty]

im 20 and I still live at home. youre not alone, I understand your situation. im unemployed too and im not even in school so im just a neet living with my family. the world sucks and unless youre really lucky, its unlikely youd be able to move out at 18 when adulthood has just started because everything is so expensive. so its not bum behaviour to be at home at your age, even if it feels like it. with a toxic family the only way to really deal with it is to just stick it out. its unlikely theyll change so unfortunately you just gotta deal with it, as much as it sucks to do that. I know that from experience

Thank you, this means a lot to me. And yes you're right that it's unlikely to move out at this age since everything is so expensive, so why does society expect you to??? I don't understand. And if you try and complain about toxic parents people say to just move out but they don't get it. I still need a roof over my head.

 

[aufrechtm7]

I've been controlled and held down by my parents my entire life so I know what you're saying when it comes to freedom. I actually managed to cut them off some years ago when I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, and while my life wasn't "great", it felt like I was making serious progress for the first time ever. I ended up showing weakness by letting them slither back into my life about a year ago, and everything came crashing down for me as a result.

Your belief on one's expectations once they become an adult is typically reflective of American culture though and isn't the global standard. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings and I'm not totally knowledgable on your actual situation ofc, but even though I agree with what you're saying, I don't actually think it's too late for you.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I've been controlled and held down by my parents my entire life so I know what you're saying when it comes to freedom. I actually managed to cut them off some years ago when I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, and while my life wasn't "great", it felt like I was making serious progress for the first time ever. I ended up showing weakness by letting them slither back into my life about a year ago, and everything came crashing down for me as a result.

Your belief on one's expectations once they become an adult is typically reflective of American culture though and isn't the global standard. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings and I'm not totally knowledgable on your actual situation ofc, but even though I agree with what you're saying, I don't actually think it's too late for you.

Thank you, and I understand the feeling of weakness from letting them back into your life after cutting them off, it's not your fault family just manipulates us sometimes, and also just personal feelings. I'm not sure if I'll ever fully cut my parents off. I'm not sure if that's even what I want. I just want them to be chill lol and then it's all good, I don't want any problems and as long as I do my chores and end senior year of high school strong, I want to just stay in peace until I have enough money to move out during college.

 

[metfan647]

I couldn't think of anything worse than having to stay with my parents. I wasn't very equipped (socially, mentally, pragmatically) for the world at 18 years old to fly the nest but I had to get away from the claws of my mother. She's a very controlling and neurotic person who never wanted to raise our spirts. She just couldn't break out of the cycle of the austere and unkind parenting that she went through.

When I moved, it was like life started all over again. I felt free and the novelty of changing actual city added to the excitement and novelty. I'm not a hard worker or a skilled person. I have everything working against me in terms of being employable with severe anxiety and social anxiety. But...I've always found a way to support myself because there's absolutely no going back there.

 

[violetforever]

I'm 18 and still stuck here.

what do u mean still? u just became an adult! idk what made u think ur a "leech" for living with ur parents bc its completely normal. i always dreamed about moving out at 18 too but its just not possible. its like we either suffer here or on our own which could include homelessness…

I'm trying not to kill myself, suicide is already depressing but to die a loser without even getting to experience life once getting free from my parents is even more depressing. So I'm trying to tolerate life but it's so awful.

im in the same position. at 24, i dont know how much longer i can bear before i really start losing my mind. i felt like i was already getting there.

 

[eyenumbing]

im 21 and still live with my parents. i lived a very sheltered life. i wasn't allowed to have friends or hang out with friends outside of school. my parents always made me fear the outside by saying im too immature and young and i would probably get kidnapped or raped. it instilled a ton of fear into me that i still deal with. i have a job now, but im not allowed to go anywhere outside of my workplace. it sucks. i feel like a helpless child. i have never been in a relationship and let mental health ruin my teen years. i live in a very expensive city, and im terrified to leave it. i feel like im left behind on so many things. i still feel like a child.

 

[kitkatt]

I just want to know I'm not alone. I feel so pathetic but there's nothing I can do at the moment. As a child I always dreamed of moving out at 18 and being free, but with the current state of the world and also some personal stuff going on, I can't afford it. I used to look forward to this so much but now it just feels hopeless. I'm 18 and still stuck here. I don't have any new freedom, and because I can't afford to move out, their roof their rules, it's like they don't even see me as a person, let alone an adult. It feels humiliating but I hate how teenagers are expected to do literally everything and know what they wanna do with their lives, why does society expect us to have the money to move out at such an early age? And why is staying with my parents during college considered leeching off of them? We never asked to be born, yet after being born against our will society expects us to pay for our own lives as soon as we turn 18, the life I never even asked for. I'm sick and tired of everything. I want to die. I want somebody to tell me this doesn't make me a pathetic bum. I'm unemployed, used to have a job and got fired(long story) and I can't get a new job at the moment since I have to do intensive outpatient soon so I won't have time, which is another long story. Everything hurts so much. I'm trying not to kill myself, suicide is already depressing but to die a loser without even getting to experience life once getting free from my parents is even more depressing. So I'm trying to tolerate life but it's so awful. These pills don't help much because no amount of pills or therapy could fix the root which is life itself, that is so terrible and nothing can trick me into liking something I truly despise.

Capitalism sucks. Even though I was originally able to move out early (on my own ish) I now live with my friend and her boyfriend because we can't afford to live alone and we are all 30, 29, and 28 currently so you are not the problem the system is I feel for you though and you deserve respect privacy and freedom as an adult. I also had shit parents and put myself in some pretty desperate situations to live by myself and it was a fraction of the stress compared to how expensive things are now. I'm also very self aware of the world and I'm off the medicine i currently take and there's no difference I just don't always have the money for although it does make things less overwhelming. But it still doesn't change that the world is garbage:( I'm disgusted by the state of the world and I hate lying to myself about feeling like it'll get better? Like everything happening in the us it's been happening to minorities but they're getting comfy killing everyone outside hate these days. I use to hold on by gaslighting myself it's hard to do that now and I'm forever single which is my other condition for above ground living. I wanna stay hopeful but it's so hard when I've been proven wrong so many times and I also look and see what's happening in the world because I live in the us and it's scary here I have to check as a gay possum

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Capitalism sucks. Even though I was originally able to move out early (on my own ish) I now live with my friend and her boyfriend because we can't afford to live alone and we are all 30, 29, and 28 currently so you are not the problem the system is I feel for you though and you deserve respect privacy and freedom as an adult. I also had shit parents and put myself in some pretty desperate situations to live by myself and it was a fraction of the stress compared to how expensive things are now. I'm also very self aware of the world and I'm off the medicine i currently take and there's no difference I just don't always have the money for although it does make things less overwhelming. But it still doesn't change that the world is garbage:( I'm disgusted by the state of the world and I hate lying to myself about feeling like it'll get better? Like everything happening in the us it's been happening to minorities but they're getting comfy killing everyone outside hate these days. I use to hold on by gaslighting myself it's hard to do that now and I'm forever single which is my other condition for above ground living. I wanna stay hopeful but it's so hard when I've been proven wrong so many times and I also look and see what's happening in the world because I live in the us and it's scary here I have to check as a gay possum

I live in the US too, I hate all of these terrible things going on and I wish the world wasn't such a terrible place. It makes me feel helpless, and not being able to afford to move out also makes me feel helpless. I understand getting tired of lying to yourself. But I want you to know it's not your fault, and if things weren't like this, we wouldn't be in these types of situations.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Originally I made a plan to move out around the age of 18 and be independent; I have always yearned for independence - it seems exciting! Though this never worked out, because I could not afford to move away at the time, and plus I had other... issues in life which still affect me currently.

I still live with my parents to this day, and it really makes me hate myself knowing I am not self-reliant even though (despite what other people may think) I WANT to be self-reliant, and have done for a very long time. I have never asked, expected or demanded anything from anyone, and try to do as many things on my own as I can despite living with family, but certain people still try to make me feel as if I am dead weight.

I have made an effort to work towards moving away, but I cannot do this unless I succeed with a certain "thing" within the next few months.

I hope this post makes you feel less alone in what you are experiencing.

 

[kitkatt]

I live in the US too, I hate all of these terrible things going on and I wish the world wasn't such a terrible place. It makes me feel helpless, and not being able to afford to move out also makes me feel helpless. I understand getting tired of lying to yourself. But I want you to know it's not your fault, and if things weren't like this, we wouldn't be in these types of situations.

Yeah it's neither of our faults thank you. It was a lot easier to want to be here when every day wasn't full of cosmic powers and I could afford to pay my bills easily.

 

[etherealgoddess]

I just want to know I'm not alone. I feel so pathetic but there's nothing I can do at the moment. As a child I always dreamed of moving out at 18 and being free, but with the current state of the world and also some personal stuff going on, I can't afford it. I used to look forward to this so much but now it just feels hopeless. I'm 18 and still stuck here. I don't have any new freedom, and because I can't afford to move out, their roof their rules, it's like they don't even see me as a person, let alone an adult. It feels humiliating but I hate how teenagers are expected to do literally everything and know what they wanna do with their lives, why does society expect us to have the money to move out at such an early age? And why is staying with my parents during college considered leeching off of them? We never asked to be born, yet after being born against our will society expects us to pay for our own lives as soon as we turn 18, the life I never even asked for. I'm sick and tired of everything. I want to die. I want somebody to tell me this doesn't make me a pathetic bum. I'm unemployed, used to have a job and got fired(long story) and I can't get a new job at the moment since I have to do intensive outpatient soon so I won't have time, which is another long story. Everything hurts so much. I'm trying not to kill myself, suicide is already depressing but to die a loser without even getting to experience life once getting free from my parents is even more depressing. So I'm trying to tolerate life but it's so awful. These pills don't help much because no amount of pills or therapy could fix the root which is life itself, that is so terrible and nothing can trick me into liking something I truly despise.

Hugs. I am really sorry.

 

[lpdsvm]

I would have probably left anywhere random. Even if there was no money etc. With the right method, I would take risks - nothing to lose. I would not stand a toxic environment. I would try to find a job and seek help with where to stay. If I fail and it gets worse I would CTB.
I will do it anyway when I start to fail. It's similar.
I live alone, but more importantly in a different country which is one of the reasons why I didn't CTB yet.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Hugs. I am really sorry.

Thank you, I appreciate your pity. I usually just throw pity parties for myself because nobody else will pity me. In my head I mean, not outwardly.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

what do u mean still? u just became an adult! idk what made u think ur a "leech" for living with ur parents bc its completely normal. i always dreamed about moving out at 18 too but its just not possible. its like we either suffer here or on our own which could include homelessness…

im in the same position. at 24, i dont know how much longer i can bear before i really start losing my mind. i felt like i was already getting there.

I said still because as a child I always expected to move out by now, I didn't know how unrealistic it was at the time. I'm sorry you're still suffering.

Originally I made a plan to move out around the age of 18 and be independent; I have always yearned for independence - it seems exciting! Though this never worked out, because I could not afford to move away at the time, and plus I had other... issues in life which still affect me currently.

I still live with my parents to this day, and it really makes me hate myself knowing I am not self-reliant even though (despite what other people may think) I WANT to be self-reliant, and have done for a very long time. I have never asked, expected or demanded anything from anyone, and try to do as many things on my own as I can despite living with family, but certain people still try to make me feel as if I am dead weight.

I have made an effort to work towards moving away, but I cannot do this unless I succeed with a certain "thing" within the next few months.

I hope this post makes you feel less alone in what you are experiencing.

My family makes me feel like dead weight too even though I take care of myself(including)and get good grades, people are so greedy it's never enough. I just want peace.