Venting Being given up on so I have to start SH

[princeseadove]

My friend, à friend who i love very dearly, has given up on me. Albeit he is very busy, he has placed distance on me. I know why, it's because I vent so much. Everyday is a struggle and everyday I have nothing good to say. I'm incredibly honest with him so I always say all these thoughts and how "nobody loves me" over and over. ot started a little while ago, when I mentioned how lonely I felt in a group (and how I can't insert myself in) and he got extremely frustrated. He apologized and said he was just tired from lack of sleep, but it wasn't the last time. He has put on a lot of distance and focused on other people. He says he is busy and stressed, but clearly I'm not helping so of course he wouldn't talk to me. We haven't talked for about 5 days now, and I texted him a lot and he left me on read twice. I don't know, I just ignored that little fact bjt I began to panic because we would always talk everyday. But as it turns out, he was still texting people. Albiet slowly, he still was. It was just me.

So I decided that cutting myself wouod be my best option. I don't want to get better, I don't want to give myself hope only to crash down again because I KNOW, I WILL DIE. But I don't want things to become worse with us either. I love him. Even if he has learned not to love me so much, I still want things to go back to where they were. I keep talking about my issues and venting, so it's better for me to internalize it and self-harm. I haven't for months now… just because I'm stubborn or lazy, but now I have to. I'll keep it all bottled up, because he is only human and I love him.

 

[goldenwitch]

that is horrible, no one deserved being given up on.
i understand his viewpoint too, i understand that he simply doesnt know how to help you, that he is concerned and terrified for you, but distances himself emotionally so that if you end up doing anything, he doesnt feel as hurt.
but you deserve more help. friends should help. or at least try and understand your struggles. his behaviour comes from a place of love, but that doesn't negate from its selfishness. i hope he can finally realise how to express his love towards you better.

 

[princeseadove]

that is horrible, no one deserved being given up on.
i understand his viewpoint too, i understand that he simply doesnt know how to help you, that he is concerned and terrified for you, but distances himself emotionally so that if you end up doing anything, he doesnt feel as hurt.
but you deserve more help. friends should help. or at least try and understand your struggles. his behaviour comes from a place of love, but that doesn't negate from its selfishness. i hope he can finally realise how to express his love towards you better.

Thank you, I don't know. I don't blame him or feel so bad… I did everything I could and said how he can tell me if I'm stressing him out god knows how long. In retrospect it's kind of shitty thing to do, but I understand. I also adore your pfp and name, I love umineko so it makes me really happy :3

 

[goldenwitch]

Thank you, I don't know. I don't blame him or feel so bad… I did everything I could and said how he can tell me if I'm stressing him out god knows how long. In retrospect it's kind of shitty thing to do, but I understand. I also adore your pfp and name, I love umineko so it makes me really happy :3

you both probably were just really stressed and said things neither of you truly would stand behind now. i dont think you were shitty at all, from what i know. he was simply not equipped to deal with your emotions in a healthy way at the moment. i genuinely hope for the best and just know that he didnt really mean what he said.
from my experience people who tell me things like this are just desperately trying things out to see if they work. perhaps, if caring didnt work, withdrawing might, they mean it as a sort of last ditch wake up call.

and aww thank you first person on here who recognised beato im always happy to see people who also love umineko

 

[princeseadove]

you both probably were just really stressed and said things neither of you truly would stand behind now. i dont think you were shitty at all, from what i know. he was simply not equipped to deal with your emotions in a healthy way at the moment. i genuinely hope for the best and just know that he didnt really mean what he said.
from my experience people who tell me things like this are just desperately trying things out to see if they work. perhaps, if caring didnt work, withdrawing might, they mean it as a sort of last ditch wake up call.

and aww thank you first person on here who recognised beato im always happy to see people who also love umineko

But why not even tell me.. say somethibg, anything at all aftee I told him so? It's one of my biggest fears and I told him and now look lol. He doesn't care enough to even text me anymore.. conversations started to dwindle out even before… im jist so tired of making the same mistake over & over…no matter what I do the outcome is all the same. I just want to go and die now.

 

[goldenwitch]

But why not even tell me.. say somethibg, anything at all aftee I told him so? It's one of my biggest fears and I told him and now look lol. He doesn't care enough to even text me anymore.. conversations started to dwindle out even before… im jist so tired of making the same mistake over & over…no matter what I do the outcome is all the same. I just want to go and die now.

Perhaps, as most people tend to be in these situations, even he is unaware of why he's doing what he's doing. Why he's feeling such a way. These are subconscious decisions happening for reasons he might not be able to vocalise. I know how hard it is, but give him some time alone. Even though you shouldn't be the one making comprimises, social interactions are often unfair. But this is something you can overcome, he will care again, eventually. It's hard with people so avoidant when you crave attachment and companionship...

But you're a loveable person. Ultimately, not all social blunders are your fault alone. Sometimes it's just a clash of differing personalities dealing with issues in differing ways.

I genuinely do hope you two can make up. Perhaps with some time he will start to realise that distancing himself from you, especially at such a time, is a mistake. It's a loss for him, to lose out on such a good friend, and he is being selfish by not helping you even though I am sure you would help him in a situation like this.
But again, it's not like this is a mistake you could prevent. You're simply two types of people craving different connections with different levels of emotionality. But that is still very grueling, very much aware of that. I wish you the best

 

[princeseadove]

Perhaps, as most people tend to be in these situations, even he is unaware of why he's doing what he's doing. Why he's feeling such a way. These are subconscious decisions happening for reasons he might not be able to vocalise. I know how hard it is, but give him some time alone. Even though you shouldn't be the one making comprimises, social interactions are often unfair. But this is something you can overcome, he will care again, eventually. It's hard with people so avoidant when you crave attachment and companionship...

But you're a loveable person. Ultimately, not all social blunders are your fault alone. Sometimes it's just a clash of differing personalities dealing with issues in differing ways.

I genuinely do hope you two can make up. Perhaps with some time he will start to realise that distancing himself from you, especially at such a time, is a mistake. It's a loss for him, to lose out on such a good friend, and he is being selfish by not helping you even though I am sure you would help him in a situation like this.
But again, it's not like this is a mistake you could prevent. You're simply two types of people craving different connections with different levels of emotionality. But that is still very grueling, very much aware of that. I wish you the best

sorry, I come back to this again but late last night it just made me scared. To me, it's realy unforgivable. Leaving me on read three times even when I asked if everything's alright, still talking to others and just leaving me in the dust. How can I ever forgive that? How can I even talk to him again? How am I supposed to talk to him if he ever texts me again? IF he ever texts me. Because why do this at all, without saying anything to me, knowing this is the one thing that can seriously hurt me? I'm only sometimes helpful when talking, regrettably so I can become so focused on my own issues that I can't see his. And I genuinely don't know what he sees the good inme. I wouldnt be so surprised if he dropped me. I cant help but my emotions swing to extreme apathy to extreme fear and care… I won't text him I already deleted our messages to deter myself but.. I just don't know.

 

[goldenwitch]

sorry, I come back to this again but late last night it just made me scared. To me, it's realy unforgivable. Leaving me on read three times even when I asked if everything's alright, still talking to others and just leaving me in the dust. How can I ever forgive that? How can I even talk to him again? How am I supposed to talk to him if he ever texts me again? IF he ever texts me. Because why do this at all, without saying anything to me, knowing this is the one thing that can seriously hurt me? I'm only sometimes helpful when talking, regrettably so I can become so focused on my own issues that I can't see his. And I genuinely don't know what he sees the good inme. I wouldnt be so surprised if he dropped me. I cant help but my emotions swing to extreme apathy to extreme fear and care… I won't text him I already deleted our messages to deter myself but.. I just don't know.

Your anger is definitely understandable, this is why I started off with some hostility towards him.

it's not necessarily something he's doing on purpose to hurt you. but he still managed to do that. he still didn't provide you, someone who i think he deeply cares about, the help that you so desperately need. i get feeling powerless, but it's still wrong to be acitng like this, on his part.

but please don't feel as though he doesn't love you. he does, otherwise he wouldn't have befriended you in the first place. he definitely doesn't want to drop you either, if that were the case he would've just done so, straight forward. he seems like quite a blunt person, it'd be surprising to me if he decided to play with your feelings so viciously instead of just telling you that he's done and doesn't want to talk with you. I dont think that's the case.
he loves you and that means that you're loveable, that you have good qualities, that you are good-hearted. few people would subject themselves to talking with someone unloveable in the first place. despite fear making him distance himself from you, he still didn't give up on you. he is holding onto you regardless of how powerless he feels in this situation because he loves you. i think you seem like a great person too, you're just going through hardships.

i think it's definitely best for you to respect his boundaries, regardless of how unfair and selfish they feel. once the time is right, you'll be able to rekindle your friendship, perhaps talk this through in a clearer headspace. hope is not lost yet, not at all.

 

[Alpacachino]

He's lucky to have you. However, each person's life can get a bit tedious on its own, and they might need some space. You obviously feel strongly for him, he would be an idiot to just cut you off. Give it some time and then reach out again. But don't apologize Since there's nothing wrong with what you did by venting or expressing yourself.you've not done anything wrong.He'll come around.