worstOFsociety
Member
- Jan 25, 2023
- 42
So I was on here like 2 years ago and after attempting a few times and failing for that matter because of nervs, I kinda disappeared off the site for a while and honestly things seemed to be getting better for a while. But who could've guessed that it wouldn't last huh?...
Recently got myself into a relationship that I honestly just feel like is a burden but can't get out of it because I miss the guy too much everytime I try and just end up running right back. Meanwhile I feel like I got a million problems and whenever I manage to fix one I end up getting another problem right afterwards. Which is...frustrating as hell. Also kinda just can't feel anything..like at all...just numb. Like I've lost all my emotions somewhere and whenever I do feel something it's either anger, hate or despair. Talk about the life huh? Think I must be suppressing them without meaning too but Idk how to stop so guess I'm just stuck like this. So after a few anxiety attacks and a few mental breakdowns I decided to come back here considering that this will forever be the only place where I feel like I can truly write down everything that is on my mind without anyone judging me. I'm just really fed up with life and want it to end honestly like been thinking about ctb constantly for the past 2 weeks. And I know things can get better I mean things were better for a while...but then again it is always like this with depression and anxiety right?... Things get better for a while before making you plunge right back into it...And considering that I've been struggling with this for the past 10 years or so of my life it is really starting to eat up on me.
Like is it really a crime to just want it to end at this point? I am aware that things can get better I just can't be bothered to continue trying to make things better for me if it just means these constant up and downs, especially since every time you end up coming back down it feels worse than the last time you get me? I mean I've been trying for the past 10 years, been on and off therapy for like 5 years of my life and tried anti depressants so can't say I haven't tried doing the work to get better.
I'm just tired at this point and honestly just want it to end like just let me fall asleep and never wake up PLS.
Thanks for reading my boring ass rant to anyone who bothered and I do wish whoever a nice evening or day depending on the time that you're reading this at.
Recently got myself into a relationship that I honestly just feel like is a burden but can't get out of it because I miss the guy too much everytime I try and just end up running right back. Meanwhile I feel like I got a million problems and whenever I manage to fix one I end up getting another problem right afterwards. Which is...frustrating as hell. Also kinda just can't feel anything..like at all...just numb. Like I've lost all my emotions somewhere and whenever I do feel something it's either anger, hate or despair. Talk about the life huh? Think I must be suppressing them without meaning too but Idk how to stop so guess I'm just stuck like this. So after a few anxiety attacks and a few mental breakdowns I decided to come back here considering that this will forever be the only place where I feel like I can truly write down everything that is on my mind without anyone judging me. I'm just really fed up with life and want it to end honestly like been thinking about ctb constantly for the past 2 weeks. And I know things can get better I mean things were better for a while...but then again it is always like this with depression and anxiety right?... Things get better for a while before making you plunge right back into it...And considering that I've been struggling with this for the past 10 years or so of my life it is really starting to eat up on me.
Like is it really a crime to just want it to end at this point? I am aware that things can get better I just can't be bothered to continue trying to make things better for me if it just means these constant up and downs, especially since every time you end up coming back down it feels worse than the last time you get me? I mean I've been trying for the past 10 years, been on and off therapy for like 5 years of my life and tried anti depressants so can't say I haven't tried doing the work to get better.
I'm just tired at this point and honestly just want it to end like just let me fall asleep and never wake up PLS.
Thanks for reading my boring ass rant to anyone who bothered and I do wish whoever a nice evening or day depending on the time that you're reading this at.
