Venting awful birthday

[kissmegoodbye]

just a small vent.. today really has sucked.. i couldn't sleep last night due to worries and thinking non stop about things im insecure about and all throughout my morning classes i was still thinking about them. when i got home, the time my boyfriend usually messages, it took longer and he could only message for 10 mins until he had to go.. normally he only has to go for 20-30 mins but hes been gone 2 hours now. guessing something came up.. i feel so selfish for being upset about it i really should just understand.. hes in the military so schedule changes a lot and not like he can control it or anything,,, in about an hour im going out with my aunt but i just dont feel in the mood now. i just want to stay at home in my bed and sleep until this day is over. i know my boyfriend wont be back and even if he does itll be when im out with my aunt and i wont be able to talk. i never really liked celebrating my birthday anyway.. i dont want to get old T_T celebratory stuff feels nice in the moment but after i just feel guilty and i know i dont really deserve it.. all i really wanted was to talk to my boyfriend i really dont care about anything else,, now ive got to try to act happy when im with my aunt.. i just wish this day would end already.
ive started using this site more since i dont have any friends or talk to anyone other than bf.. i dont wanna keep bothering him with my constant issues so ill just dump it all here i suppose q.q