Asking God to help me ctb

[setspiritfree]

Anybody else ask God to help them end it? I do, every night to no avail.
I have some serious acid reflux or swallowing issues where the food gets stuck halfway down. I literally just had the worst attack one of my life. Most of the time I pray for it to go away but this time I prayed for it to suffocate me. It was close damn it. It was horrible pain but maybe it will make me more comfortable once I have the rope around my neck. I got to admit it feels good to breathe again but I wish it just would have choked me out.

 

[itsgone2]

Anybody else ask God to help them end it? I do, every night to no avail.

Yes. I have asked to just be taken away from this. Not often. But I have.

 

[jatty]

Yes, im not even religious but i was so desperate i was on my knees and praying asking him to give me the courage to do what i want. Its very ironic and opposing, and no use, but i just need strength. From anyone.

 

[woodlandcreature]

ex catholic here, when i was little i used to pray i'd get cancer. now, yes, i often pray that my heart issues will kill me in my sleep or i"ll have an aneurysm. other times i ask for the things i need to get the job done myself.

 

[DTA]

Good luck with that.
I sympathize with you though. I spent eighteen years praying for death every single day. If I ever have to stand before God I will bring that up.

 

[Hollowman]

No, because there is no god.

 

[Jan1193]

I hope not to offended anyone here, this is a calm and kind place to everyone with our tendencies and I just want to give a hug to every person here, suffering unfairly.

I don't believe in god since my mother pass away a few years ago, and sometimes I think I forgot how to pray correctly. I used to "pray" and ask to my mother (now a kind of guardian or little divinity) for some stuff in my best days, but now that I'm in a serial relapse of my chronical depression and want to CBT again, I'm not asking to her anymore, I just "pray" in my mind, feeling espiritually so lonely in fact, just for being death in a similar way that my mother was, quiet and fast I think, or a terminal, agressive and fast cancer even if it's painfull if that's the sh*t that I really deserve. I don't care anymore. Just asking to the universe, or the void, the death itself or whoever/whatever who can listen me

 

[Off_Switch]

This is hell. There is only Satan here.

 

[$yck]

I used to pray and ask God to kill me in my sleep, or purposefully lie and say "God strike me down if I'm lying" or "I put that on my life". Recently, I've been praying to God to allow me to find peace in death and [if it's real] be welcomed into eternal paradise. I'm Agnostic as shit, and I also feel like an all loving all powerful God wouldn't let any of the bullshit that's happened happen, but I just wanna say something surrounding religion/God just in case they do exist.

 

[somethingisntreal]

I no longer believe in god but when I was a child i used to beg god to kill me

 

[setspiritfree]

Good luck with that.
I sympathize with you though. I spent eighteen years praying for death every single day. If I ever have to stand before God I will bring that up.

Man, I had to chuckle a little when I read this because I have got some serious questions for Him as well. Like seriously!
I want to thank everyone for your responses. I got extremely drunk last night thinking that was all I needed to actually take that final step but it was to no avail. I actually just started checking my threads to see what kind of drunk ass shit I posted but it wasn't as bad as I thought. lol.

 

[58Alice85]

God has done physical stuff with me in the past, but always for a fleeting moment and very hard to miss if you aren't paying very close attention to your body. I have tried to interpret this but honestly i can't.
I used to pray from time to time for a couple of years, and after a while I realised I sometimes was feeling this strange feeling of peace and calmness which wasn't coming from me, I used to interpret this, as I (shamefully) needed this to fully believe in God
But something once happened to me which defies all comprehension and most people will never believe really happened, they will claim it was fantasy or some kind of sensory hallucination
You will probably think i am making a sick joke, but anyway
I have commited sodomy most of my life dressing up as a girl. Once I thought I was dying, I prayed and for only once in my life my body did something extreme, all the air was pushed out of my lungs, tears started flowing from my face, i involuntary dropped on the floor (bruising myself), and for one moment in my life i truly felt how it physically is to be a woman. it was so extreme, i can't explain it, you either believe me or you dont. I have no idea why God did this to me

Im reading this thread and tbh I dont think God kills people like that, or at least very rarely

 

[Dark Moon]

I've asked god to take me out of this world/end my life and it hasn't happened yet, I hope it happens soon.

 

[Seneca65AD]

Sure - tried the call - but no answer. Maybe there is a god or maybe there is no god, but that is a very personal belief. I am very careful about making blanket assertions since everyone's experience is different. For me, there is a universal energy, and I have not been able to pin down whether it is neutral or biased to the "good". And the universal energy I believe in does not punish people for being gay, or dressing up, etc. Or maybe I'm wrong in everything and death is just an endless sleep. Regardless of whatever is the fact, it looks like I'm still here until I take steps into my own hands.....

 

[setspiritfree]

God has done physical stuff with me in the past, but always for a fleeting moment and very hard to miss if you aren't paying very close attention to your body. I have tried to interpret this but honestly i can't.
I used to pray from time to time for a couple of years, and after a while I realised I sometimes was feeling this strange feeling of peace and calmness which wasn't coming from me, I used to interpret this, as I (shamefully) needed this to fully believe in God
But something once happened to me which defies all comprehension and most people will never believe really happened, they will claim it was fantasy or some kind of sensory hallucination
You will probably think i am making a sick joke, but anyway
I have commited sodomy most of my life dressing up as a girl. Once I thought I was dying, I prayed and for only once in my life my body did something extreme, all the air was pushed out of my lungs, tears started flowing from my face, i involuntary dropped on the floor (bruising myself), and for one moment in my life i truly felt how it physically is to be a woman. it was so extreme, i can't explain it, you either believe me or you dont. I have no idea why God did this to me

Im reading this thread and tbh I dont think God kills people like that, or at least very rarely

I have seen and experienced some things that I can't explain so I would have no right to question it at all. I believe it and I know it may have been hard to post that so thank you for your strength. I am pretty sure God dosent kill people like that as well if there is one. I used to have no doubt but what I am going through right now I am questioning some things. Again, thank you for your strength.