Hey, thanks for sharing. I have been psychologically tortured and gaslighted on and off for over a year now. It's one reason I'm here.
What's your story? I hope you're able to move on with peace in whatever way you choose.
I was also gaslighted and physically and psychologically abused in other ways. I that pain well and I'm so sorry that you've been through it too, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy :(
OP: I've also been in solitary confinement for a period of months. I've talked about this elsewhere but the worst feeling for me was the lack of any sense of time.
After just a few days you lose track of whether it's an hour passed, a day or a week, your body clock suffers and your immune system kicks into overdrive - fatigue, headaches, muscle aches, restless anxiety, eventually delerium. I lost about six stone in just a couple of months.
To begin with, I coped by keeping time manually, counting seconds in my head, minutes on my hands and hours with objects I'd move on a window ledge like an abacus.
Eventually, I withdrew into myself and found solace in a mediative state. It was quite possibly the greatest training exercise in mind over matter.
As for how I coped with the other abuse, I didn't. But after I broke free and (years later) admitted to myself that I was abused, the way I dealt with it was by being completely candid and open with people, talking about it at every opportunity.
I made a documentary about it, interviewed fellow survivors and exchanged stories, empowered myself by going public and giving speeches at conferences. I was taking back control by not staying silent, doing things on my terms. Most important of all, after years of not being believed by people in authority - I found that actually 99/100 people I'd speak to believed me. That was the single greatest healing force I had.
It's different for everybody, but that's how I got through stuff. I guess I'm only here now because so much else has gone wrong in my life that I'm starting to wonder if the pain is actually worth it anymore.
Hope you begin your healing soon, stay strong
