Discussion Are you also at the mercy of your brain?

[truehappiness]

This is hard to describe, but my brain basically dictates everything for me.
Without any trigger or reason I just know what I am "allowed" to do without feeling terrible.

At a random point my brain goes into a social mode where I can not sit in front of my PC but urgently want to meet up with people. A shut-in mode where being around people feels absolutely unbearable no matter what I try. A "total-doom" mode where whatever I touch feels so boring.

The only thing that has stayed constant for me is the permanent sadness in my head that stayed with me since I was 13. Nothing but one thing can suppress that. I can have the most perfect day and still have that urgent wish to not wake up the next day during the entire day. Only thing that helped so far to suppress that voice in my brain was to indulge in my maso side... and else nothing whatsoever. I don't even know what is going on up there.

Do you also have that?
That you get "forced" to things that you, as a person, don't want to do but your brain dictates for you?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not to such an extreme degree- that does sound horrible. It's more that I'll get flasbacks of things I'd much rather forget. I also feel burdened by guilt pretty much all the time. That I'm not working hard enough. That's more upbringing and ingrained beliefs- rather than my brain forcing me into certain states though.

 

[truehappiness]

Not to such an extreme degree- that does sound horrible. It's more that I'll get flasbacks of things I'd much rather forget. I also feel burdened by guilt pretty much all the time. That I'm not working hard enough. That's more upbringing and ingrained beliefs- rather than my brain forcing me into certain states though.

Oh that comes additionally yes :')
All the fuckups I did with other people plagues me at random intervals.

And I mean truly random. I was in a work meeting and my brain decided that this is the perfect moment to show me an old memory where I wronged someone.

I feel you <3
Much love!

 

[raineen]

i get what you mean, even about the flashbacks, when your brain decides "oh, you're fine and comfortable right now? here's something terrible that happened a while ago"
i feel like i constantly switch modes about who i am, and what i'm doing, right now for example i'm way more social than i'd ever be, i don't know how long that will last, and when it'll come back, and it's so fucking annoying.

 

[Asya]

I feel that myself, my consciousness, is a prisoner held within my brain forced to bear witness to horrors it has no control over. I have no belief in free will. Every action I have ever took and will ever taken has already been decided by my brain chemistry. Everything that has happened to me in my life has been decided by other's brain chemistry and then my reaction to it is determined by my own. Everything has been pre-determined since the big bang. There are no choices in life. The only choice we can ever make is the choice we make. There are no alternative paths, no roads not taken. It is absolutely debilitating to feel and know this. I've tried to fight against my own brain so desperately but it never matters. I am a hostage. I wish I was born with a different brain. Maybe a different person's brain would be able to find a way out of this situation I'm in, or be capable of one. But it is physically, completely, and utterly impossible for me. Being human is a cosmic horror. What a life.

 

[WeirdTheaterKid02]

This is hard to describe, but my brain basically dictates everything for me.
Without any trigger or reason I just know what I am "allowed" to do without feeling terrible.

At a random point my brain goes into a social mode where I can not sit in front of my PC but urgently want to meet up with people. A shut-in mode where being around people feels absolutely unbearable no matter what I try. A "total-doom" mode where whatever I touch feels so boring.

The only thing that has stayed constant for me is the permanent sadness in my head that stayed with me since I was 13. Nothing but one thing can suppress that. I can have the most perfect day and still have that urgent wish to not wake up the next day during the entire day. Only thing that helped so far to suppress that voice in my brain was to indulge in my maso side... and else nothing whatsoever. I don't even know what is going on up there.

Do you also have that?
That you get "forced" to things that you, as a person, don't want to do but your brain dictates for you?

I have CPTSD, AuDHD and the depression anxiety combo and super bad suicidal ideation. It's a literal crapshoot for me every second of my day what my brain is going to put me thru.
The only thing that helps be feel slightly more predictable is smoking weed.

Glad I'm not the only one that's been feeling helpless to the constant war zone happening in there..