macaroni
Member
- May 27, 2025
- 16
Going through a really tough patch at the moment. Didn't get the job I was desperate for. After over two years of job hunting, I think it was kind of a straw breaking the camel's back kind of moment. My current job was getting more and more toxic until I completely broke. I quit, because I knew if I didn't, HR would find a reason to fire me. At this point I was so broken I wasn't able to do half the tasks my role required, so all HR would have to say is I couldn't complete my contract.
Now everyone in my life is lecturing me for quitting my job without another one lined up. As if I didn't consider that. As if this wasn't a last option. By the end of it, I was curled up on the bathroom floors at work because I was in so much stomach pain from stress. I was vomiting. I swung rapidly between binge eating and heavy restricting. I cried all the time. I was having nightmares constantly. I was having panic attacks at work. I became deeply afraid of people, even my own family.
Despite getting out of that toxic environment, being unemployed and knowing you're now on a timer until your money runs out isn't exactly stress-free either. I'm still scared of people, I'm still getting stomach pains. I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up with basic hygiene like showering and brushing my teeth again. I wear the same clothes every day. The slightest raised voice sends my heart rate skyrocketing still.
I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. But I still want to live. Even though with everything going on, life doesn't seem worth anything. If I try to discuss this with anyone else, they shut down and just give empty insistances that life means something and everything will magically work out. I know that's not true.
So from one person desperate to live to the rest of you guys, are you able to just share good, uplifting things about life? Anything? Just tell me about a job you got which you love or a promotion or a new relationship or something cute your pet did or fuck it even if its just that the coffee you made yourself this morning was the perfect sweetness.
Please just anything. I'm desperate. Everything just looks so bleak from where I am
Now everyone in my life is lecturing me for quitting my job without another one lined up. As if I didn't consider that. As if this wasn't a last option. By the end of it, I was curled up on the bathroom floors at work because I was in so much stomach pain from stress. I was vomiting. I swung rapidly between binge eating and heavy restricting. I cried all the time. I was having nightmares constantly. I was having panic attacks at work. I became deeply afraid of people, even my own family.
Despite getting out of that toxic environment, being unemployed and knowing you're now on a timer until your money runs out isn't exactly stress-free either. I'm still scared of people, I'm still getting stomach pains. I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up with basic hygiene like showering and brushing my teeth again. I wear the same clothes every day. The slightest raised voice sends my heart rate skyrocketing still.
I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. But I still want to live. Even though with everything going on, life doesn't seem worth anything. If I try to discuss this with anyone else, they shut down and just give empty insistances that life means something and everything will magically work out. I know that's not true.
So from one person desperate to live to the rest of you guys, are you able to just share good, uplifting things about life? Anything? Just tell me about a job you got which you love or a promotion or a new relationship or something cute your pet did or fuck it even if its just that the coffee you made yourself this morning was the perfect sweetness.
Please just anything. I'm desperate. Everything just looks so bleak from where I am
