Are relationships and friendships always conditional

[Obetydlig]

I have someone that loves me, very much on an affective level, but without any understanding.
I do show understanding, but could it be because it was beaten into me?
A few years ago I was very social, I loved someone who actually understood me somwhat, even had many friends.
But the real desperation comes from realizing that no matter what,
It's all so conditional. ALWAYS.

Idk im probably very unreasonable but I just absolutely cannot cope with that.
I feel like that's what makes life meaningless.
Never dared to ask anyone in my life but Im curious if anyone here feels similar.

 

[StupidCat]

In short, yes. There are always conditions when dealing with interpersonal relationships.

 

[SASU-KE]

I have someone that loves me, very much on an affective level, but without any understanding.
I do show understanding, but could it be because it was beaten into me?
A few years ago I was very social, I loved someone who actually understood me somwhat, even had many friends.
But the real desperation comes from realizing that no matter what,
It's all so conditional. ALWAYS.

Idk im probably very unreasonable but I just absolutely cannot cope with that.
I feel like that's what makes life meaningless.
Never dared to ask anyone in my life but Im curious if anyone here feels similar.

I have someone I love unconditionally. It's an online friend of mine.They've had a hard life and have gone through a lot of difficulty.I don't really mind if they don't have the same level of affection for me or if they're too busy to respond sometimes or they get angry/frustrated from time to time.I accept those things and will still be there for them.

But yes, most relationships are conditional. Not all, though. Don't assume that every relationship you have will end up being conditional. There are people who will learn to love you for just you and nothing else, without any expectation from you in return.Finding them isn't easy though and takes time and some luck as well.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

In short, yes. There are always conditions when dealing with interpersonal relationships.

Unfortunately true.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Yes, any friendship or relationship is conditional. That's why I don't condone marriage anymore. If the other person suddenly decides they're done with you then it's complicated and expensive. The only unconditional love I've felt was from pets, but their lifespan limits that connection to a couple decades if you're lucky.

Basically you never truly know anyone, and can be replaced by someone no matter how you feel about them. People suck nowadays and have become increasingly fickle. Cats can be great companions, but the short lives make for painful losses.

 

[BeanCurd]

I think there are always conditions, but those conditions can vary from relationship to relationship.

For example, the person I love the most would have to do something I deem really bad for me to stop loving them, whereas other people I have a less close relationship with could do a lot less before I'd stop wanting a relationship with them.

My feeling is that, culturally, we're often sold a lie of 'unconditional love', whether that be familial, romantic, platonic etc., and it sets us up for failure.

From my experience, the key is knowing what your own conditions are for your relationships, and finding people that have compatible conditions for their relationship with you. And that starts with accepting that all relationships have conditions, but that it doesn't have to be a bad thing. In fact, it can make relationships healthier, as it can make it easier to assert boundaries.

That's very much just my opinion though, not fact!

 

[violetforever]

I have someone I love unconditionally. It's an online friend of mine.They've had a hard life and have gone through a lot of difficulty.I don't really mind if they don't have the same level of affection for me or if they're too busy to respond sometimes or they get angry/frustrated from time to time.I accept those things and will still be there for them.

same but i do care when they ignore me and treat me worse than usual because it wasnt always like this. they are how they are, im not trying to change them, just be there for them because i cannot stay away with the unconditional love i have. its probably going to end up killing me and i dont mind.

 

[SASU-KE]

same but i do care when they ignore me and treat me worse than usual because it wasnt always like this. they are how they are, im not trying to change them, just be there for them because i cannot stay away with the unconditional love i have. its probably going to end up killing me and i dont mind.

Yeah, I definitely used to care about how they treated me. I used to feel ignored and get angry.

But this person has been through a lot more than I have. They also have difficulty in forming relationships with any people not just me.So I understand that it's difficult for them to be more affectionate or caring.

But they have a strong moral character and are just an all round decent person and that's on the top of my list.

Edit :Also, the relationships are never the same throughout. Even our relationship was constant bantering and bickering back and forth in the initial stages . Lots of jokes traded and we enjoyed each other's company. But nowadays I get 1 message back for maybe every 5 I send.
But they're also battling an addiction so there's that.

 

[Pluto]

 

[alstroemeria55]

I have loved truly unconditionally and forgiven the worst abuse and I have never received the same in return. I will most likely never find anyone who loves the way I do.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

Philosophically all relationships are conditional. For an extreme example you probably wouldn't want to associate with a serial killer.

But realistically, I think that semi-unconditional love can be real. I think it's possible to find someone that will love and understand you. It might be conditional on some things like what I mentioned above but a good partner will let you make mistakes and learn from them over time. A good friend won't cut you off for saying one thing that makes them mad.

Love like that is hard to find I really do hope you're able to find it someday <3.

 

[Leyna]

it's pretty rare for any relationship, even one between parent and child, to be totally unconditional. humans don't work that way.

 

[TheBag]

Last year, I was driving in my town and witnessed a dog owner beating his dog. I couldn't really get out of my car soon enough, because I was in the middle of traffic. When I drove on, I realized that if I should interfere, it would most probably result in a serious fight (knowing myself), so I decided not to. Later on, when I got home, I told my girlfriend. She said, 'You were right not to interfere. These things happen every day. It's just that you happened to witness it this time. If you had hit the owner, the dog probably would've attacked you.

In inter-human relations, indeed, there are always conditions. If there weren't, at least one of the two would be abused quite easily in the end.
When you are still quite young, it probably won't feel that way. That's because hormones can make you fall madly in love with someone, and everything comes naturally, and it seems you want nothing in return. But the older you get, the more you realize and the more you learn that conditions are actually a good thing ;-).

 

[Ashu]

Yes, and that's OK. It's OK to be human.