Anyone imagine what others reaction would be when they will know you killed yourself?

[3rdworldsadness]

I like to imagine this scenario in my mind, like would they be hurted? Disgusted? Confused? Shocked or indifferent? I think they won't care and would be shocked and just indifferent. Because they never cared, never noticed. It's a hurtful feeling. Nobody loved me in my life not even my parents or anyone. They all abused me and treat me like a street dog. I feel for those animals and I feel relate to those animals who are just unwanted and die. I feel the same. I think just because I'm human I can understand that's it. I wish everyday I was dead. That would be ultimately a better option.

 

[Trilly]

I think of it sometimes. In my case no one would really care, though, and I know it is true

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Considering the unfortunate fact that I have lived I hope that my loved ones will simply shrug and move on. I know they won't but it's nice to hope for that

 

[PainThreshold]

They'll probably say something along the lines of "he killed himself now he won't be able to go to heaven" or how I'm lacking in faith or something.

 

[woofwag]

So many times. I know they will cry and say how lovely I was and how much they miss me and love me and whatnot. The thing I'm not sure of is what exactly they'll say about what they liked about me. It's a curious concept for me, to imagine what memories someone will hold onto when I pass. I wonder how many will be good. I wonder how much they'll compartmentalize the bad. I wonder what objects of mine they'll keep, and which they'll leave behind. I wonder what conversations they'll replay and which they'll forget. I can never know.

I hope they can keep good memories, but I also hope they won't forget the bad. I was just a person after all. While I can't control it, I don't want people putting me up on some impossible pedestal of love, like I was beyond-life creature of goodness and they won't ever be able to move on.

I can't know any of these things. It doesn't make me want to live more, since I can never know. But it does make me infinitely curious.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

Sad, sad, sad. What can I do? I'm sad too, & the kinds of problems I have are not temporary.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do think about it. About all their reactions- family, friends, even work colleagues. I imagine it will be a shock to some but then, they'll probably also say that in retrospect- there was something off. It's really hard to guage whether people will be upset. I suppose it's nice to feel well thought of but, I don't like to think of them being really upset. I hope they will find a way to accept it. I find it so hard to judge though. I could see it going either way.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

i sometimes think about this, and it only makes me feel worse. I think about who would cry or who would even remember me for more than a few months after.

some sick part of me tho wants to ctb more because of this though, some selfish part of me, that thinks im special enough to where maybe someone ive felt abandoned by will regret and miss me. as horrible as that is to admit, i sometimes wonder who i could make regret hurting me by ctb.

truth is though, i will only be remembered by my family as a sour memory of wasted potential. no one else. not in a positive light. nothing more than the thing to keep conversations away from.

 

[unloveable27]

It was one of the only things keeping me alive until I realized I wouldn't be able to process their reactions because I will be dead anyway. I feel bad because there's really not much they can do to help me in my particular situation, if at all. But it's my body and life and my choice. I know i will be happier and better off and really so will they. They want to see me happy and fulfilled in life so bad but I already know it's never going to happen.
I'll at least try to go out into the woods or something, I don't really care about traumatizing strangers who find me. I think they'll be fine

 

[Afterglow]

my mom and my closest friend straight up told me they'd kill themselves if I died so I think i have a decent idea of what's going to happen.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Shock, sadness, disappointment

 

[Arlowantsushi]

Honestly one of the main things keeping me here is i KNOW some people are gonna milk the fuck out of my death so they can get attention and pitty.

 

[AntarusDragon]

I wouldn't care what my loved ones or those around me thought of me anymore. My reincarnation has come to an end, and I am ending this life because of the unbearable pain it brings me...

 

[TwoSoulsLiveInMe]

Honestly one of the main things keeping me here is i KNOW some people are gonna milk the fuck out of my death so they can get attention and pitty.

You're so right about that! And I'm sorry that you have to keep those people in mind over your own desires.

I also can't stand knowing that manipulative people will use my death to excuse more abusive behavior, most likely roping people in that I do care about. But then again I'd be dead. Not my problem anymore.