Anyone here ever have to rebuild their lives? ™️

[Sleeper System]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

When I was 19 I thought I had everything: I had just learnt how to drive, was dating my high-school crush, and had just been admitted to my country's best university. Fast forward four years and I had blown my car's engine, got kicked off a relatively successful website I'd co-founded, hated my bachelor's, and my girlfriend broke up with me. I felt at my absolute lowest, but I had a lot of support so I thought, hey, I'll get through this, it'll get better. I started over with everything that mattered to me, thinking working hard and trying new things would improve my life.

Now I'm 32. I have a different car, but it's been parked 5 months with a broken gearbox; I finished a master's that didn't help my career at all; and my second girlfriend broke up with me. I spent these last 9 years going in circles. I managed to live some amazing experiences during those 9 years, met great people, collected some hard to believe anecdotes, but I'm really right where I started. Just tired. Hopeless. Broken. I tried as hard as I could to make my amateur racing dreams work, for eight years, I opened my heart to someone after a lot of opportunities that only ended in heartbreak, I traveled halfway across the world to live by myself and study a (supposedly) reputable program.

It's all for fucking nothing. I'm just cursed. I don't want to heal, I don't want to try again, I don't want to rebuild again just to see everything go up in smoke.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I've rebuild my life so many time, now I'm by society means, "stable." I've graduated college and working. I was adopted at a young age and I simply have no identity. My biological mother and sister have died years ago, and my adopted family, I have no desire to every see them again. I've tried to ctb several times and it doesn't work. I simply have no desire to live in this world alone. There are no pleasures in life for me, I stay in my home and go out only when necessary. I mostly cry alone. I work just to pay bills and I've learned to just act like everyone else, it doesn't matter complaining anymore. I'm just waiting to die.
I wish I could say life gets better. I wish I could tell so many young people on here to keep trying and it will pay off, but I can't and I won't.
If you have to rebuild, rebuild. That's all I can say. I have no advice because the truth is, I can't help myself. But I guarantee you, you are not alone. Life for me, has been nothing like they tell us. My last wish is that mines will be over soon, I'm so tired.

 

[Sleeper System]

When I was 19 I thought I had everything: I had just learnt how to drive, was dating my high-school crush, and had just been admitted to my country's best university. Fast forward four years and I had blown my car's engine, got kicked off a relatively successful website I'd co-founded, hated my bachelor's, and my girlfriend broke up with me. I felt at my absolute lowest, but I had a lot of support so I thought, hey, I'll get through this, it'll get better. I started over with everything that mattered to me, thinking working hard and trying new things would improve my life.

Now I'm 32. I have a different car, but it's been parked 5 months with a broken gearbox; I finished a master's that didn't help my career at all; and my second girlfriend broke up with me. I spent these last 9 years going in circles. I managed to live some amazing experiences during those 9 years, met great people, collected some hard to believe anecdotes, but I'm really right where I started. Just tired. Hopeless. Broken. I tried as hard as I could to make my amateur racing dreams work, for eight years, I opened my heart to someone after a lot of opportunities that only ended in heartbreak, I traveled halfway across the world to live by myself and study a (supposedly) reputable program.

It's all for fucking nothing. I'm just cursed. I don't want to heal, I don't want to try again, I don't want to rebuild again just to see everything go up in smoke.

Thanks for replying. I was worried it might be too late in the evening for anyone to see it. It happens to my posts alot.

The pleasant memories and the lived experiences that you've had make for a decent silver lining. You gave it a shot and things might not have worked out like you planned but you have moments where you were happy and that's something.

I've never felt like I had everything. I always felt behind.
The best memories I have are all the instances I spent wasting my time with friends when I should have been focusing on making something of myself. I think back on it and even though I had fun and cherish those memories to a degree... Ultimately... I lost touch with all those people and it has not effected my life in the least. I have sonm many regrets. All of my trauma came from growing up poor and as an adult I'm doing better then those time but I'm still not where I should be. All it takes is one thing to go wrong and my life collapses. That's how fragile a balance act it is.

And yet I'm still trying. As hard and annoying as it is. I'm trying. and that's all any of us can do when we're so in our own heads.

Meh. The future is scary.

I've rebuild my life so many time, now I'm by society means, "stable." I've graduated college and working. I was adopted at a young age and I simply have no identity. My biological mother and sister have died years ago, and my adopted family, I have no desire to every see them again. I've tried to ctb several times and it doesn't work. I simply have no desire to live in this world alone. There are no pleasures in life for me, I stay in my home and go out only when necessary. I mostly cry alone. I work just to pay bills and I've learned to just act like everyone else, it doesn't matter complaining anymore. I'm just waiting to die.
I wish I could say life gets better. I wish I could tell so many young people on here to keep trying and it will pay off, but I can't and I won't.
If you have to rebuild, rebuild. That's all I can say. I have no advice because the truth is, I can't help myself. But I guarantee you, you are not alone. Life for me, has been nothing like they tell us. My last wish is that mines will be over soon, I'm so tired.

I feel the same. I just work to sustain myself. I hate people. I have a small circle of like minded friends that I text with and meet up on occasion but that's it. Just work to pay bills and go straight home and into bed to watch shows/movies.

I have blood relatives but I don't speak to them really. I kind of feel I have no identity either because I'm so different from them and can't connect. Family is no guarantee of identity.

I remember watching shows where the fat overweight guy gets off work and comes into an empty home and sits on his sofa chair wearing a white tank top and boxers and sitting infront of the TV with a microwave dinner looking miserable.
I remember thinking wow what a loser. Well, the joke is on me. Because that's the reality of my life and I don't see it ever changing.

Yup. Rebuild and do what you have to do. I came from nothing and have built the smallest little something and I feel like I'm waiting for everything to go to shit. And that's why I want to hear other people's experience. Thank you.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, constantly and it's bullshit. People also come to USA just to play that game, so can't really recommend it, stay out, we're full and it's haunted anyway and all that.

 

[anonym167]

I'm in my 30s and I am currently having to rebuild my entire existence. Not in a physical way, but mentally. I've realized the love I let in my life is incredibly unhealthy and self sacrificing in most situations. It's been the root of most of my problems. Just being a doormat and saying, I do it out of love instead of setting boundaries and having a little self-respect. It's definitely not a journey I want. It's also a journey that was born out of trauma and abuse so it feels like I'm repairing something I didn't choose to break.

 

[Withered]

I lost literally everything besides my mom, my clothes, and this computer. Not exaggerating. For the people that can rebuild their lives, I'm very happy for them and they might even be more joyful than in their previous life. But I have been knocked down so far and so thoroughly that I do not even have an opportunity for restoration.

 

[butimstillsoblue]

Please note this is grossly oversimplified… I'm in my 40s. Childhood was abusive. Lost my whole family of origin due to their homophobia.

Rebuilt my life - partner and her family became my family. As well as a couple of beloved friends.

Partner of 8 years left me after I was diagnosed with a life long medical condition. Nobody in her family said goodbye.

Here I am a couple of years later, still utterly devastated. Alone. Fighting depression, anxiety and c-ptsd. I don't have any fight left in me to start over again. I want out.

 

[weallhaveourghosts]

December of last year. I was living out of my car, no job, no friends and nowhere to go. I feel like I should be more grateful that I'm now living in an apartment, have a job, etc but I still want to die.

 

[Apathy79]

A few times.

I was engaged when I was younger and had a stable job that was expected to provide long term income for us both. An issue between us was I knew she wanted kids and I never said no (despite knowing I didn't want them). One day I told her, and we couldn't work out a way around it. I quit my job around the same time then went overseas on my own, trying to make a living selling other people's stuff online. I didn't come back for years, and by the time I did, she had remarried, and now has 5 kids.

Then I became a hermit. Moved into a place miles away from the nearest neighbour. And lived in silence. For the first few years I had no internet and spent most of my days reading, writing, walking and meditating. Most years I would go back to my parents house for family Christmas, and realise I'd lost the capacity to communicate with people. I had to retrain it. Like my mind worked - I could think of things to say, but translating that to speech wasn't like it used to be. It took time. And got worse as the hermit years dragged on.

After I had turned 40, my hermitage burned down in the bushfires and I was homeless for a while. Eventually managed to land pet sitting gigs in exchange for staying at people's houses while they were away. And did those for a few years. Now have a stable place to live again. Mid 40s. Still no idea what I'm doing with life.

 

[LittleNelson]

I'm at the bottom right now trying to figure out how to rebuild. There was a time I had a nice family and money in the bank. Now everyone is either dead or hates me. I'm unemployed and flat broke. I have no idea how to even begin to fix everything.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I've had to start over. I met my ex husband at 17, was married at 24 and got divorced at 27. He was a police officer and made great money (we're in Canada) and so the lifestyle I was used to was very different than the life I was going to have to forge on my own. Even with working 60 hours per week, I was drowning. I ended up having to declare bankruptcy and surrender my vehicle etc. I started over from nothing, and had nothing. It was tough for a long time, but I made it through. I was mentally up and down and all over the place.

I'm nowhere near financially comfortable the way I was, but money isn't everything and I was very unhappy in the marriage even though financially it was comfortable.

I don't regret it at all.

 

[F@#$]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

I've had to do it several times. As a matter of fact I just found out today that my landlord is selling my house. I have to move(again) I don't have the resources to do it. So me and the dogs will be on the street soon. I'm seriously considering leaving them a real mess to clean up. They can wash me off the walls and deal with my ghost.

 

[Sleeper System]

A few times.

I was engaged when I was younger and had a stable job that was expected to provide long term income for us both. An issue between us was I knew she wanted kids and I never said no (despite knowing I didn't want them). One day I told her, and we couldn't work out a way around it. I quit my job around the same time then went overseas on my own, trying to make a living selling other people's stuff online. I didn't come back for years, and by the time I did, she had remarried, and now has 5 kids.

Then I became a hermit. Moved into a place miles away from the nearest neighbour. And lived in silence. For the first few years I had no internet and spent most of my days reading, writing, walking and meditating. Most years I would go back to my parents house for family Christmas, and realise I'd lost the capacity to communicate with people. I had to retrain it. Like my mind worked - I could think of things to say, but translating that to speech wasn't like it used to be. It took time. And got worse as the hermit years dragged on.

After I had turned 40, my hermitage burned down in the bushfires and I was homeless for a while. Eventually managed to land pet sitting gigs in exchange for staying at people's houses while they were away. And did those for a few years. Now have a stable place to live again. Mid 40s. Still no idea what I'm doing with life.

Sounds like a movie. The twist is you're a sleeper agent for the CIA and you feel lost because they haven't activated you yet.

I'm at the bottom right now trying to figure out how to rebuild. There was a time I had a nice family and money in the bank. Now everyone is either dead or hates me. I'm unemployed and flat broke. I have no idea how to even begin to fix everything.

Government help for a start probably. Then a low level job with potential for advancement. Something like security guard where over time is given like candy. Idk.

I've had to start over. I met my ex husband at 17, was married at 24 and got divorced at 27. He was a police officer and made great money (we're in Canada) and so the lifestyle I was used to was very different than the life I was going to have to forge on my own. Even with working 60 hours per week, I was drowning. I ended up having to declare bankruptcy and surrender my vehicle etc. I started over from nothing, and had nothing. It was tough for a long time, but I made it through. I was mentally up and down and all over the place.

I'm nowhere near financially comfortable the way I was, but money isn't everything and I was very unhappy in the marriage even though financially it was comfortable.

I don't regret it at all.

I hope things work out. You say money isn't everything. That's such a female thing to say. Where as men we think happiness isn't everything and we gladly suffer for the sake of the ones we care about. Yet, the tiniest bit of struggle or unhappiness and out the door ya go. Don't mind me. I have my own issues.

I've had to start over. I met my ex husband at 17, was married at 24 and got divorced at 27. He was a police officer and made great money (we're in Canada) and so the lifestyle I was used to was very different than the life I was going to have to forge on my own. Even with working 60 hours per week, I was drowning. I ended up having to declare bankruptcy and surrender my vehicle etc. I started over from nothing, and had nothing. It was tough for a long time, but I made it through. I was mentally up and down and all over the place.

I'm nowhere near financially comfortable the way I was, but money isn't everything and I was very unhappy in the marriage even though financially it was comfortable.

I don't regret it at all.

I hope things work out. You say money isn't everything. That's such a female thing to say. Where as men we think happiness isn't everything and we gladly suffer for the sake of the ones we care about. Yet, the tiniest bit of struggle or unhappiness and out the door ya go. Don't mind me. I have my own issues.

I've had to do it several times. As a matter of fact I just found out today that my landlord is selling my house. I have to move(again) I don't have the resources to do it. So me and the dogs will be on the street soon. I'm seriously considering leaving them a real mess to clean up. They can wash me off the walls and deal with my ghost.

I have a fear of that happening to me. I'm kind of in the same situation where that could happen. Luckily I've always had that fear and saved up a couple bucks to at least pay off a storage for a few months.

And nah man don't leave a mess. You should do the opposite. At the end of the day the concept of renting is a business and you shouldn't take it personal. Even though the timing is bad and it really sucks.

 

[Numbanddumb]

Yeah.. I was lucky enough to be gifted with Epilepsy, anxiety, depression and a list of meds with even more side effects. I've been fired from jobs, wrongfully kicked out of apprenticeships, treated like I am less than and kept in my place at the bottom. After going through many jobs in various fields, I uprooted myself to another country for a fresh start. Lived there for almost a decade. Immigrated on my own, learned a foreign language and completed part of an apprenticeship program until the company forced me to vaccinate and triggered my epilepsy.. they found a way to justify blocking me from advancing. So now I'm back to being a worthless failure piece of shit. So yeah, pretty tired of life. No matter how much I try and fight, I'll never be able to succeed. So having hope is becoming impossible.

 

[kagebunshin]

It's happened to me twice. The first time was when I was 20 and relocated to the other side of the world, starting a new life in a new country all alone where I barely spoke the language. The second time was last year after I failed a major suicide attempt. The suicide attempt was obviously much worse because I didn't want to rebuild any kind of life. I'm preparing for my second attempt now to make absolutely sure I won't fail again.

 

[brokeandbroken]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

Had to rebuild haven't successfully done so. It's becoming increasingly unlikely that it is possible.

 

[FoxSauce]

Wish I could but im stuck at the moment I wish I could study but need to finish some things first go.

Want to get a partner but im too scared to.

I wish to move out but the idea of living alone terrifies me. I have no idea who I am.

I feel like I'm at an inpass but literally I have no money or the resources to actually move forward.

Im so lost on a way I dunno we're to start..

Plus everyone is succeeding around me yet I'm not im still stuck if it wasn't for the meds I would be crying rn .

Ik im holding myself back but I'm afraid illl fail in life .

 

[dexcont]

I've been popping in and out of here for years and each time I've felt like I've tried to restart my life. It's a huge shame to see less people with the join date the same as mine or even near. I hope everyone is okay or at peace. I don't know where I'm going now, it doesn't seem upwards at all and never has.

 

[Catchingdabus27]

Been reading this thread outta curiosity but also likeee I've had to start over a few times in life. Each with less. Last time was like 4 yrs ago. Was lucky to have some supports here and there but I really want to move/start over again.


Im just wondering how I'd pull it off? Is it worth it to try before I try to ctb?

Where to even start if so?

Yeahhh I dunno I feel lost asf in life. & I feel alone in this confusion...

 

[Paizen]

After being on here for awhile, I've noticed that most of the users I encounter now are of the younger generation. Students and young adults stressing out about their lives before it's even started and some of the older generation giving them the best advice and prospective that they can muster.

I relate to that whole heartedly because I've been up and down with the sickness since I was an adolescent so I understand all of that very well. However, as someone in their mid 30s now, I just stress about maintaining what little I have in life and dreading the passing of people I feel I have a duty to stick around for.

So I wonder if anyone here was ever completely knocked down and had to start over. Like losing a job or your home after having worked for it and given life a genuine try. I want to know what happened and how things turned out even if its bad.

I worked very hard to make a nice life for myself, had my own apartment and a stable job. I was good to go at 28. I had been no contact with a toxic family which is the only way I could have achieved what I did. When I was stuck at home at 25, I was very miserable and thought about killing myself. But when I left, everything changed.

I got harassed by my family members and family friends to "come back to the family," and I couldn't see my grandma sad, so I let everyone in, including my very toxic immediate family who seems to only seek to harm my mental/emotional well-being. All of this makes me sound so overly sensitive, but I swear to God I'm not really like this in any other way except for when it comes to my family. But I sort of went into a delirium after and everything fell apart. I quit my job when I shouldn't have and went to go live with my grandma, and then she fell. A year later I couldn't get my life together in time to find my own place again. My mom promised I could stay with her, but when move-out day came she took it back and didn't care that I had to find a place to sleep in the forest.

I am blessed with a single family member who has the soul of an angel (took care of her schizophrenic sister for her whole life after doctors vegetized her with neuroleptic treatments) and that woman gave me money for first and last so I could get an apartment. I don't know if I can keep paying rent though. I don't earn enough, and I certainly can't ask that blessed angel for any more money. So back to the wildnerness I may go to be eaten by bears:) If I'm not working, pretty much all I think about is suicide