Discussion Anyone else "ruined" their chance to ctb?

[Old]

I had the semi-perfect method to ctb. However, the SI was too strong and I was scared.

So I went home and told my family (bad mistake). Now I regret not having done that because it was perfect opportunity, now I can't leave alone or be alone at home...

Currently I am passively suicidal, meaning I won't try to ctb, but I wouldn't care if I died right now. Just wish I had had the guts to do it back then.

Have you had a similar experience where you were about to do it then back off and told someone? And regret it...

 

[Topacio]

The first time I tried it was with pills. After taking them I decided to go to the kitchen for a moment and there I passed out. So they ended up finding me quickly and taking me to the hospital.

I don't know if they would have been enough, honestly, but if I had stayed in my room it wouldn't have triggered the vigilance I had afterwards.

What was the semi-perfect method you mention?

 

[banger12]

I don't have a story like that necessarily and idk if I've ruined my shot at CTB, but my family kinda found out that I'm interested in buying a firearm because I took the online course the state required for purchase. I printed the certificate and mentioned I had done the course trying to play it off as just some novel conversational topic and ig when I briefly left they freaked the fuck out and I had to calm them down insisting I didn't want to CTB and I took it out of curiosity (it's free). Idk if they were completely convinced. This was about a month ago. I'm too broke to buy a firearm rn anyway. I need to get back to work so I can afford it.

 

[WantThisToEnd]

I once had access to fentanyl through a drug dealer, many years ago in a different city. I didn't use it even though enough of it would have certainly killed me. I regret that a lot. Might even be my biggest regret.

 

[spirittheyregone]

Not necessarily ruined but passed it up. When I was younger I always used to tell myself when I turned 18 and moved out and got a job it would get better. It didnt. Now I have bills, debt, and responsibilities I cant just abandon to ctb. If I would have put a stop to it all when I was younger I could have spared myself and other people so much pain and unnecessary hope.

 

[3/4Dead]

Had a gun right in front of me, like a doofus, went for the knife also in front of me, my mother mocked me, I froze and didn't go through with it. I'd never had a method sitting right in front of me like that before.

I'm on the fence about whether or not I regret it, since it would've been extra fucked up for my parents to have to see that, but, it was honestly a pretty perfect moment.

oh that and when i worked in one of the tallest buildings in my city and had free access to the (UNPROTECTED) roof for months.

Better opporotunities coming up soon though, so, shrug.

 

[lotus11]

Ok genuine question...but how can SN be too strong if the whole point is to kill you?

 

[chester]

Ok genuine question...but how can SN be too strong if the whole point is to kill you?

Who said anything about SN? OP said SI was too strong.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

"Ruined" is the wrong word, but I think I've missed my most recent window of opportunity and will now probably be condemned to at least another six months to a year of life, if not longer; suicide requires a critical mass of motivation, and my mass has dwindled down too much. I'm resentful about this state of affairs because it really was the right moment, but hey, at least I gave it a go and made an attempt.

In these situations, the best thing we can do is just accept what happened and try to meet yourself where you're at and work with what you have. Don't waste your time in that resentment, regret, and sense of failure or loss. What's done is done, what's gone is gone.

 

[lordfungington]

i got caught in the science bathrooms once. i was in boarding school and alone, bullied. i had the rope around my neck and i stood up on the chair to hang myself but a student walked in and saw me. i got reported to the principal's office and she told me to get a grip. lol fun times.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I had the semi-perfect method to ctb. However, the SI was too strong and I was scared.

So I went home and told my family (bad mistake). Now I regret not having done that because it was perfect opportunity, now I can't leave alone or be alone at home...

Currently I am passively suicidal, meaning I won't try to ctb, but I wouldn't care if I died right now. Just wish I had had the guts to do it back then.

Have you had a similar experience where you were about to do it then back off and told someone? And regret it...

I probably did ruin mine by asking for help. Help that for all intents and purposes as well all know wasn't given. That said I don't regret it. I'm the type that believes you should find excuses to live not to die. My issue is I've looked very hard and I'm finding very few to live.

 

[ninfanatic]

i can't buy a gun and some people are hellbent on me continuing to live, because of the herd mentality against it, but people in my life don't know about SN, or that i could go out and just buy a rope. i can do either of those things without anyone being able to interfere, and it's relieving.