Anybody else still here solely because of who they'd hurt if they ctb?

[ef99]

I've been on the fence the past couple days with catching the bus but the only thing stopping me right now is how much I'd hurt my family. My friends would get over me quick enough but I fear that my family would never be able to move on from me.

Anybody else currently feeling this way and is preventing them from ctb?

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I hurt everyone I really don't care anymore but I don't want to even say that because that's not necessarily true. I'm here to kind of just relax. I went through a whole epsidoe which I will not divulge on here because it's exhausting and only BECAUSE of trying to kill myself ironically but I'm kind of just trying to chill here for a bit and see if I do a little thing. And then kill myself or something.

They're all mad, they never treated me right, i never treated them right, they can die however they want. just leave me alone and let me relax for 5 seconds. I'm tried of being rushed.

 

[Hollowman]

Yep, it's the only reason I'm still breathing.

 

[Claymore7274]

Yeah i don't really want my mom to find me, just hoping someone else does

 

[Theresnoescape]

Yep, I wish I could die a natural death right now. At least they would grieve in a normal way then. It's the only thing stopping me.

 

[ef99]

Yep, I wish I could die a natural death right now. At least they would grieve in a normal way then. It's the only thing stopping me.

I was literally having this thought driving around today, hope you find relief, friend

 

[Theresnoescape]

I was literally having this thought driving around today, hope you find relief, friend

Thanks, you too.

 

[torturedmind]

Yes. It's so hard because the way I'm living is hurting my family, and I feel unable to change. No energy or motivation to do so. Unfortunately, my unexpected and self chosen death would only hurt them more than my current living condition is hurting them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. Holding on purely so that it doesn't hurt my Dad. I'm so tired though.

 

[Spite]

Pretty much. I don't want to hurt my mum. I know she would be devastated if I checked out early.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

yeah. only thing keeping me here is that i don't think my mom and sisters would recover. but idk if three people being hurt can keep me around forever.

 

[Unlucky777]

I feel the same way about my family.

I wish I would die in an accident. Like I never wear my seat belt in hopes I get into a fatal car accident. I see so many fatal accidents here in NJ but unfortunately none happened to me as of yet. I just want life to be over

 

[ICantFixThis]

yeah, if I CTB I'm pretty sure several of the people I know would become very suicidal. My friends and mom live on that edge, barely hanging on to life. I don't want to be here but I really don't want to take the people I care about with me. Yeah its probably hypocritical to say that, but its how I feel.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

For me the only one keeping me here is my partner of 10+ years. I honestly don't care how it would impact my family, but I feel I couldn't do that to him. There have been times I'm resentful of him for "keeping" me here. There have been many times that I've tried to push him away.

I feel certain that as soon as he goes or our relationship is over I'll ctb. I feel like I'm going through the motions and barely staying afloat. I know I should live my life for others, but I feel that's all I have left.

 

[lastsunset]

Yes. It's so hard because the way I'm living is hurting my family, and I feel unable to change. No energy or motivation to do so. Unfortunately, my unexpected and self chosen death would only hurt them more than my current living condition is hurting them.

Same thing for me. It's such a mind numbing thought loop which one is better. At least for me

 

[kuroshimi]

That's the one of the main reasons why I am still here.

I told my mum about my attempt after a while and she was very, very upset. It's very clearly etched in my brain. I'm afraid to imagine what will happen after my death.

 

[InevitableDeath]

Fuck no.
Any who'd stand around the funeral wringing their hands and pretending they gave a shit are part of the problem.
I've saved them that hassle though, by uninviting them all in my will.
Worth considering. Best for everyone.

 

[Xiaojiu]

Yeah, mainly my husband. If we were married, I would have CTBed a long time ago

 

[Goth_tt_B]

I wasn't until until a few years ago when the person I love ctb. Then seeing how his mom and family are to this day, made me think of what my family would go through however good or bad our relationship is. How they'll always have questions or thoughts they won't really get answers too

And as of tonight, my sister comes to me saying my 12 y/o niece shared she gets suicidal ideations and I'd be the best to talk her through. So it's like I'm stuck here..

 

[lotus11]

Yes, this is defininately me. There are only 3 people who i think it would effect but i think it would destroy them so i am still here, even though i don't actually even like any of them thst much.

 

[lovelove416]

I've been on the fence the past couple days with catching the bus but the only thing stopping me right now is how much I'd hurt my family. My friends would get over me quick enough but I fear that my family would never be able to move on from me.

Anybody else currently feeling this way and is preventing them from ctb?

My family is definitely my biggest concern. But I have the feeling that maybe things would get better for everyone in my life and there are some who might even be joyous at my passing. I know he's a horrible person and this is an extreme comparison. But if people can celebrate a truly evil person's death and the world has become a better place because of it, even if his family and closest allies were sad there was so much good it caused. Maybe mine can do the same as his on a much much smaller scale.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Yes. My mom and 2 kids. My cousin who is my best friend as well. But my pain outweighs how me CTB would affect them. In my goodbye note, I'd let them know how my daily mental pain and anguish is now over so for that fact, be happy for me

 

[tiredcatboy]

Yep, my partner and my dad. It sucks but my pain is almost incomprehensable and I'm nearing my limit.