Discussion Any other MH workers here?

[liquidcherry]

I am a substance abuse counselor intern, been in the field for almost two years now. In school for a BSW and hoping to eventually become a LCSW. Battled suicidal ideation and an attempt about 10 years ago in high school that landed me in the troubled teen industry, which fucked me up more. The thoughts of suicide are recurrent and I cannot seem to get away. It's funny that I work with clients presenting with co-occurring disorders like substance abuse and schizoaffective disorders, major depressive disorders, anxiety, PTSD, BP1, etc. and can't seem to regulate myself despite also getting professional help and being on medication. Just wondering if anyone else here works in the MH field and has similar experiences or feelings. I empathize with people who have attempted suicide and feel like ultimately (maybe) if I'm ever brave enough, one day that will be how I move on. Death is inevitable anyway but there is a peaceful allure to it. Like a warm blanket on a cold day. Sometimes I feel at peace knowing I won't be around forever. Take care of yourselves in whatever you choose to do.

 

[steppenwolf]

I'm not a mental health worker, and I am not of the class of people who enjoy access to mental health advice and treatment as a matter of course, and my entire adult life for over thirty years has more or less revolved around what you call 'substance abuse'. But even I don't think that people who are contemplating suicide should be mental health workers. Matthew VII.3-5.

But then I'm not religious and I don't like mental health workers. I think they're vultures and it's difficult for me to have any sympathy for them. As a substance abuser i.e. someone who self-medicates, anything I can say to crush your dream of being a substance abuse counsellor feels like pure gold to me. But that should be no problem for you. In your line of work you should expect to encounter people like me, who don't see 'substance abuse' as the problem, all the time.

 

[willitpass]

I'm not a mental health worker, and I am not of the class of people who enjoy access to mental health advice and treatment as a matter of course, and my entire adult life for over thirty years has more or less revolved around what you call 'substance abuse'. But even I don't think that people who are contemplating suicide should be mental health workers. Matthew VII.3-5.

But then I'm not religious and I don't like mental health workers. I think they're vultures and it's difficult for me to have any sympathy for them. As a substance abuser i.e. someone who self-medicates, anything I can say to crush your dream of being a substance abuse counsellor feels like pure gold to me. But that should be no problem for you. In your line of work you should expect to encounter people like me, who don't see 'substance abuse' as the problem, all the time.

While I am the first to say that the mental health system is fucked up and needs complete disbanding and reform, I don't think that this is appropriate. I have been so traumatized by the mental health care system that I have not engaged with it in two years and will never, ever step foot near it again. But in my experience, it was the staff with personal experience in things that had the most empathy and were the most understanding out of everyone I ever encountered. Just because someone happens to work in a field that hurts us doesn't mean their suffering is invalid. Someone who is suicidal and has been personally victimized by the mental health care system should not be shunned here just because of the career they chose. Please do not turn this into an unsafe space for someone purely based on their occupation. They did not say a damn thing about coming here to try and therapize us or send us to the wards or call someone on us or use some bullshit therapeutic platitudes, they came and expressed their own suffering. So please do not turn this against them.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

Not a mental health worker but I'm an ER tech and I encounter patients at the ER who have mental health issues. The nature of my job means that patient interactions are short-term and I don't have the time to really sit down with a patient and talk to them. I try my best to treat them with kindness, even if they're rude to me, yell at me, or try to hit me. However, the doctors or nurses sometimes need me to help hold someone down and put restraints on them, or hold them down so they can be sedated. There was also once when I had to tackle a really young patient to stop them from doing something dangerous. I don't have much autonomy when it comes to patient care as an ER tech and I have to follow orders for the safety of the ER staff and other patients, if a patient is combative. I know that some patients probably hate my guts and I totally understand why. I 100% empathize with them and I've been in their place before. I genuinely try my best to show compassion to patients but I know that the nature of the job I do is going to cause some degree of trauma to some patients, no matter what. So I get where you're coming from. I love my job and overall I find it fulfilling but I hate that sometimes I have to be the one who directly causes patients to have traumatic experiences.

 

[steppenwolf]

While I am the first to say that the mental health system is fucked up and needs complete disbanding and reform, I don't think that this is appropriate. I have been so traumatized by the mental health care system that I have not engaged with it in two years and will never, ever step foot near it again. But in my experience, it was the staff with personal experience in things that had the most empathy and were the most understanding out of everyone I ever encountered. Just because someone happens to work in a field that hurts us doesn't mean their suffering is invalid. Someone who is suicidal and has been personally victimized by the mental health care system should not be shunned here just because of the career they chose. Please do not turn this into an unsafe space for someone purely based on their occupation. They did not say a damn thing about coming here to try and therapize us or send us to the wards or call someone on us or use some bullshit therapeutic platitudes, they came and expressed their own suffering. So please do not turn this against them.

The op said they were suicidal and in training to be a substance abuse counsellor. I didn't engage with their prescription meds suffering because I'm not a substance abuse counsellor, I'm a substance abuser. As a substance abuser I merely gave them a small taste of what they're up against in their prospective career as a substance abuse counsellor, so that they can make a more informed decision about whether or not they are up to the challenge of a career of being paid by the Government to crush out of existence people who aren't happy unless they're self-medicating. What could be more appropriate on a suicide discussion forum facing up to Government proscription.

Having suffered yourself at the hands of incompetent mental health care professionals, you should appreciate the importance of mental health workers being able to understand the challenges of their profession and being competent to meet them. Do not deprecate me for thinking it is important enough to challenge the hypocrisy of someone who expects to claim a salary to help poor people like me with substance abuse issues, yet is suicidal with substance abuse issues of their own, and who will never condescend to talk to me on account of my class.

Far from shunning the op, I have met them head on. If they were competent as a mental health professional, they would be perfectly able to answer me themselves, or else ignore me like a hypocrite as is their privilege in a safe space like this. This is a safe space. You are making it unsafe for me simply for having challenged the op's obvious hypocrisy from an underclass position.

 

[Hotsackage]

No, I am very very familiar with it tho, for my own interest, and obviously because i suffer from it. Death is a neutrality that attracts difficult and unanswerable life circumstances with no enjoyable outcome. So it is only human to feel like this.

 

[willitpass]

The op said they were suicidal and in training to be a substance abuse counsellor. I didn't engage with their prescription meds suffering because I'm not a substance abuse counsellor, I'm a substance abuser. As a substance abuser I merely gave them a small taste of what they're up against in their prospective career as a substance abuse counsellor, so that they can make a more informed decision about whether or not they are up to the challenge of a career of being paid by the Government to crush out of existence people who aren't happy unless they're self-medicating. What could be more appropriate on a suicide discussion forum facing up to Government proscription.

Having suffered yourself at the hands of incompetent mental health care professionals, you should appreciate the importance of mental health workers being able to understand the challenges of their profession and being competent to meet them. Do not deprecate me for thinking it is important enough to challenge the hypocrisy of someone who expects to claim a salary to help poor people like me with substance abuse issues, yet is suicidal with substance abuse issues of their own.

Far from shunning the op, I have met them head on. If they were competent as a mental health professional, they would be perfectly able to answer me themselves, or else ignore me like a hypocrite as is their privilege in a safe space like this. This is a safe space. You are making it unsafe for me simply for having challenged the op's obvious hypocrisy.

They didn't come here asking for their professional path to be challenged or tested. Nowhere did they ask someone to see if they were competent to work. They asked if there were any other mental health professionals here and then vented about their own struggles. I don't see how "challenging" them is helpful or indicated here.

 

[nir]

I wonder if there wouldn't be many MH workers on here because it could threaten their livelihood if they were found to visit this site? I thought MH workers had a duty to report suicidality to police or something. I wonder if visiting this website would break their code of conduct.

Not a MH worker so just speculation. I also think that what you do outside of work hours (within reason) should be fully up to you. Just wondering though about the legality of it.

 

[steppenwolf]

They didn't come here asking for their professional path to be challenged or tested. Nowhere did they ask someone to see if they were competent to work. They asked if there were any other mental health professionals here and then vented about their own struggles. I don't see how "challenging" them is helpful or indicated here.

Didn't they? Why else would a prospective substance abuse counsellor come to a suicide discussion forum, and announce they were a suicidal substance abuse counsellor who abuses substances? It's kind of an invitation to challenge their choice of profession. And they didn't come to a forum for mental health professionals with it.

My intention in challenging the op's career choice here, is to help them to decide if they are willing and able to continue with a career that by their own admission might drive them to suicide, without compromising their career to the mental health profession, which I imagine is far more unforgiving than this forum is in weeding out professional substance abuse counsellors, who publicly own up to substance abuse issues and suicidal tendencies of their own. It also helps to ensure that their patients will receive treatment from someone who actually understands their issues and is committed to tackling them. Matthew XV:14

 

[hopelesswanderer]

I am a substance abuse counselor intern, been in the field for almost two years now. In school for a BSW and hoping to eventually become a LCSW. Battled suicidal ideation and an attempt about 10 years ago in high school that landed me in the troubled teen industry, which fucked me up more. The thoughts of suicide are recurrent and I cannot seem to get away. It's funny that I work with clients presenting with co-occurring disorders like substance abuse and schizoaffective disorders, major depressive disorders, anxiety, PTSD, BP1, etc. and can't seem to regulate myself despite also getting professional help and being on medication. Just wondering if anyone else here works in the MH field and has similar experiences or feelings. I empathize with people who have attempted suicide and feel like ultimately (maybe) if I'm ever brave enough, one day that will be how I move on. Death is inevitable anyway but there is a peaceful allure to it. Like a warm blanket on a cold day. Sometimes I feel at peace knowing I won't be around forever. Take care of yourselves in whatever you choose to do.

Contrary to some of the other responses I find it beautiful (and terribly sad) that a MH worker also has suicidal tendencies. It humanizes you. I don't view most MH workers positively but I've had a few exceptions I'm thankful for. I hope you bring your patients and yourself peace.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Didn't they? Why else would a prospective substance abuse counsellor come to a suicide discussion forum, and announce they were a suicidal substance abuse counsellor who abuses substances? It's kind of an invitation to challenge their choice of profession. And they didn't come to a forum for mental health professionals with it.

My intention in challenging the op's career choice here, is to help them to decide if they are willing and able to continue with a career that by their own admission might drive them to suicide, without compromising their career to the mental health profession, which I imagine is far more unforgiving than this forum is in weeding out professional substance abuse counsellors, who publicly own up to substance abuse issues and suicidal tendencies of their own. It also helps to ensure that their patients will receive treatment from someone who actually understands their issues and is committed to tackling them. Matthew XV:14

They came here because they are suicidal. That's it. In no way does them coming here imply that they did so to get challenged by the almighty @steppenwolf . Them asking if there are other people who work in mental health on here has nothing to do with them wanting to be challenged, they are just looking for others in a similar situation as them. Being suicidal and working in mental health probably feels weird and isolating for them and they want to see if there are others on here who can relate to what they are going through. Them wanting to see if there are others like them on here isn't an invitation for you to challenge their choices. They didn't ask for your help in deciding their career path.

 

[willitpass]

I wonder if there wouldn't be many MH workers on here because it could threaten their livelihood if they were found to visit this site? I thought MH workers had a duty to report suicidality to police or something. I wonder if visiting this website would break their code of conduct.

Not a MH worker so just speculation. I also think that what you do outside of work hours (within reason) should be fully up to you. Just wondering though about the legality of it.

Any healthcare worker is a mandated reporter. The lines get blurry when you're not on the job and not directly caring for clients. It's especially difficult when you're online. But yes, it is a threat to our job if it were to come out that we were on here. No healthcare organization, mental or physical or both, wants to be employing someone who is on a site like this. I'm sure many jobs, even outside of healthcare, wouldn't be too keen to keep an employee on here.

 

[-Link-]

Far from shunning the op, I have met them head on. If they were competent as a mental health professional, they would be perfectly able to answer me themselves, or else ignore me like a hypocrite as is their privilege in a safe space like this. This is a safe space. You are making it unsafe for me simply for having challenged the op's obvious hypocrisy from an underclass position.

We're all hypocrites. It's human nature to be hypocritical. We're hypocrites about all kinds of things.

Take me for example.

I spew out "recovery" comments all the time on the forum in an effort to help other members here. How well do you think I'm doing in my own life? I'll tell you, not very well! But I'm still capable of helping others despite this. Am I a hypocrite in this? That's OK. If that's what it takes for me to help somebody, then I'll go ahead and own the label.

But in my experience, it was the staff with personal experience in things that had the most empathy and were the most understanding out of everyone I ever encountered.

This has been my own experience as well, very much so.

The term for this is "lived experience," and the mental healthcare system needs people like this working in it.

If you were to go into a psychiatric ward and try to pick out which staff members battle their own mental health problems and suicidality, you'd find it an impossible task in part because working in a patient-facing position in healthcare requires a certain level of compartmentalization -- the ability to set aside certain emotions in order to do the job.

Plainly put, the ability to help others is not predicated on a desire to live.

 

[steppenwolf]

They came here because they are suicidal. That's it. In no way does them coming here imply that they did so to get challenged by the almighty @steppenwolf . Them asking if there are other people who work in mental health on here has nothing to do with them wanting to be challenged, they are just looking for others in a similar situation as them. Being suicidal and working in mental health probably feels weird and isolating for them and they want to see if there are others on here who can relate to what they are going through. Them wanting to see if there are others like them on here isn't an invitation for you to challenge their choices. They didn't ask for your help in deciding their career path.

I didn't challenge the op to a fist fight, I challenged their choice of profession. I didn't do so to appear almighty, I did so precisely because they are suicidal, whilst working in a profession that deals with potentially suicidal people. Weird and isolating though that may feel for them, it can't be as weird and isolating as being treated by them. The op has career choices and those choices are their own, the people they stand to treat maybe don't have any choice.

No, them wanting to see if there are other people who work in mh on here wasn't an invitation for me to challenge their career choices as someone who ought to have been benefiting from their services. But their claiming to be a substance abuse counsellor was. If op wanted to see if there are other mh on here who can relate to what they are going through, that was very naïve, tantamount to professional suicide. Unless it was to make sure there are no mh professionals here who might report their issues.

And no they didn't ask for my help in deciding their career path, but then I wasn't giving it.

My challenging the op's choice of profession wasn't an invitation to be mistreated by the op's fan club, and this being a safe space I don't have to put up with it. If the op, as an off-duty substance abuse counsellor with issues, can't speak for themselves with a challenging chronic substance abuser on a suicide discussion forum, they needn't worry. I've lost all interest in hearing what they've got to say for themselves now and won't be coming back for more. So well done you. I was causing so much of grief and pain. You saved op from the nasty man. You're number one fan. You saved the world. Substance abuse counsellor op who's worth every penny and is only suicidal because they care too much, can enjoy their thread in perfect peace now.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I didn't challenge the op to a fist fight, I challenged their choice of profession. I didn't do so to appear almighty, I did so precisely because they are suicidal, whilst working in a profession that deals with potentially suicidal people. Weird and isolating though that may feel for them, it can't be as weird and isolating as being treated by them. The op has career choices and those choices are their own, the people they stand to treat maybe don't have any choice.

No, them wanting to see if there are other people who work in mh on here wasn't an invitation for me to challenge their career choices as someone who ought to have been benefiting from their services. But their claiming to be a substance abuse counsellor was. If op wanted to see if there are other mh on here who can relate to what they are going through, that was very naïve, tantamount to professional suicide. Unless it was to make sure there are no mh professionals here who might report their issues.

And no they didn't ask for my help in deciding their career path, but then I wasn't giving it.

My challenging the op's choice of profession wasn't an invitation to be mistreated by the op's fan club, and this being a safe space I don't have to put up with it. If the op, as an off-duty substance abuse counsellor with issues, can't speak for themselves with a challenging chronic substance abuser on a suicide discussion forum, they needn't worry. I've lost all interest in hearing what they've got to say for themselves now and won't be coming back for more. So well done you. I was causing so much of grief and pain. You saved op from the nasty man. You're number one fan. You saved the world. Substance abuse counsellor op who's worth every penny and is only suicidal because they care too much, can enjoy their thread in perfect peace now.

First off, there are plenty of mentally ill people working in mental health. Mental healthcare workers are humans and thus many of them have their own mental health struggles that they are also going through. That doesn't give you an excuse to go ahead and question the OP's career path, especially since you don't know shit about them outside of them a substance abuse counsellor intern who happens to be suicidal.

Secondly, them claiming to be a substance abuse counsellor intern is in no way inviting you to challenge their career path. How do you even interpret that as being an invitation for you to challenge their career? Also, no. It isn't naive of them to think that there might be other people who work in mental healthcare on here. This site has thousands of users on it, so it is bound that there are going to be a few people with some experience in mental healthcare on here. Hell, one of the members on here (I haven't seen them in a while now that I think of it) literally worked at a suicide hotline for crying out loud.

Thirdly, you seem to be projecting your own bad experiences onto the OP.

Weird and isolating though that may feel for them, it can't be as weird and isolating as being treated by them.

Your bad experiences with MH professionals have nothing to do with the OP. The OP doesn't even fucking know you.

And finally, you aren't the one being mistreated here. If anything, the only person who has the right to complain about being mistreated here is the OP. Everyone here is only calling you out because you are going out of your way to be mean to the OP. You are going after them despite them being new here and having done nothing to you. Imagine playing victim over getting called out for challenging someone's career choices. Either be a grown-up and stand by your shit or don't say anything at all. Don't come at me with this victim-complex crap.

 

[no.one]

I am a substance abuse counselor intern, been in the field for almost two years now. In school for a BSW and hoping to eventually become a LCSW. Battled suicidal ideation and an attempt about 10 years ago in high school that landed me in the troubled teen industry, which fucked me up more. The thoughts of suicide are recurrent and I cannot seem to get away. It's funny that I work with clients presenting with co-occurring disorders like substance abuse and schizoaffective disorders, major depressive disorders, anxiety, PTSD, BP1, etc. and can't seem to regulate myself despite also getting professional help and being on medication. Just wondering if anyone else here works in the MH field and has similar experiences or feelings. I empathize with people who have attempted suicide and feel like ultimately (maybe) if I'm ever brave enough, one day that will be how I move on. Death is inevitable anyway but there is a peaceful allure to it. Like a warm blanket on a cold day. Sometimes I feel at peace knowing I won't be around forever. Take care of yourselves in whatever you choose to do.

So, this is my first post on here. I am also in the MH field, as well as in college for psychology. i chose this field purposely, i had a hard up bringing, been in hospitals, had failed suicide attempts, long time self harmer, etc etc. i work with adolescents, i wanted to vs working with adults. my reasoning is this, i want to help them. most of the kids that come through have been abused in all forms, and when i had my stays in hospitals the staff was not as empathetic. of course there's a handful of kids that are looking for attention. Most of them though.. they live in survival mode. its heartbreaking, if i could comfort even one, than it would make my life mean something...

with that being said, i am human. i am bp1,ptsd, severe anxiety etc. i am medicated and still struggle daily with my own mental health. it doesn't mean i shouldn't be here with the rest of you. the idea of suicide is comforting. its a feeling of control. i will choose my method, my date/time, etc. i will choose suicide eventually. for now, i joined here after silently watching, to learn and connect.. even if most of everyone will have CTB by the time i do. i only wish them final peace!

as for being a mandated reporter... yes we are. but i also believe that when it comes to adults making this choice.... well.. its theirs to make. you cant help someone who doesn't want help, and as an adult who has planned out your final moments, and are at peace with it.... why would i stop it? living with mental illness is hard enough without the outside issues. does that make me a hypocrite? probably. do i care? not so much.

 

[Ashu]

My intention in challenging the op's career choice here, is to help them

Oh sure.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not but I am curious I suppose. Do you find yourself having to give advice that you don't believe in yourself, or that hasn't helped you? Or, are you able to use your own experience to give a more understanding approach? I imagine it could be nice to speak to someone who understands the struggle first hand. Still, I guess you aren't advised to reveal personal information either.

The closest I've got is considering teaching. I'm actually in a creative profession but, it's very difficult to sustain financially so, I've considered and done all sorts of jobs. I went for, but never got further than the interview on teaching/technician positions. Really though- I thought maybe that was for the best. I'd be unlikely to be able to give them much hope for their creative futures without lying to them and I doubt I'd be able to do that convincingly. It's a very difficult industry to get in to and then sustain. But, I think hope is so important and I'm too much of a pessimist to really sell hope.

Do you ever feel like you simply can't help people because you haven't been helped by it yourself? That's got to be horrible. I guess if it helps even a little though, it has to be good.

But yes, I do find passive ideation comforting. Active ideation- not so much. The actual nuts and bolts part of actually killing myself and pulling it off terrifies me.

 

[maniac116]

I was a mh nurse, retired now thank God!
I worked in chemical dependency, developmental disabilities & acute psych units.
I had to retire after 20+ years due to the stress. I cared deeply about my patients. It seemed the people who didn't give a shit about the patients were able to survive longest. Those who cared got torn apart by all the conflicting rules that actually kept us from helping others.
It's a very thankless job in general but I was able to build professional relationships with many of our regular clientele over the years & miss them

 

[liquidcherry]

I'm not a mental health worker, and I am not of the class of people who enjoy access to mental health advice and treatment as a matter of course, and my entire adult life for over thirty years has more or less revolved around what you call 'substance abuse'. But even I don't think that people who are contemplating suicide should be mental health workers. Matthew VII.3-5.

But then I'm not religious and I don't like mental health workers. I think they're vultures and it's difficult for me to have any sympathy for them. As a substance abuser i.e. someone who self-medicates, anything I can say to crush your dream of being a substance abuse counsellor feels like pure gold to me. But that should be no problem for you. In your line of work you should expect to encounter people like me, who don't see 'substance abuse' as the problem, all the time.

Thanks for sharing your honest opinion. I understand that you don't like MH workers and expect that from many people. It's difficult to navigate a system in which you want to help people while also running a business model. Ir really sucks on both ends, and there are certainly predatory people in the MH field whom I don't think have the right intentions going into counseling, therapy, etc.

I feel as though my own history with MH can be used to relate to others and to encourage them. I am not here to save anyone, it can't happen. But I can share tools and strategies to deal with and manage these feelings as they come up. Everyone is going to make their own decisions at the end of the day, and we all have to make peace with that.

I do not feel discouraged from pursuing my career choice. I am sober and being in this field helps me stay on track in my own recovery. Circling back to the idea that these experiences are shared and can create an environment of solidarity/understanding.

Not a mental health worker but I'm an ER tech and I encounter patients at the ER who have mental health issues. The nature of my job means that patient interactions are short-term and I don't have the time to really sit down with a patient and talk to them. I try my best to treat them with kindness, even if they're rude to me, yell at me, or try to hit me. However, the doctors or nurses sometimes need me to help hold someone down and put restraints on them, or hold them down so they can be sedated. There was also once when I had to tackle a really young patient to stop them from doing something dangerous. I don't have much autonomy when it comes to patient care as an ER tech and I have to follow orders for the safety of the ER staff and other patients, if a patient is combative. I know that some patients probably hate my guts and I totally understand why. I 100% empathize with them and I've been in their place before. I genuinely try my best to show compassion to patients but I know that the nature of the job I do is going to cause some degree of trauma to some patients, no matter what. So I get where you're coming from. I love my job and overall I find it fulfilling but I hate that sometimes I have to be the one who directly causes patients to have traumatic experiences.

I wonder if there wouldn't be many MH workers on here because it could threaten their livelihood if they were found to visit this site? I thought MH workers had a duty to report suicidality to police or something. I wonder if visiting this website would break their code of conduct.

Not a MH worker so just speculation. I also think that what you do outside of work hours (within reason) should be fully up to you. Just wondering though about the legality of it.

Probably lolol. Yes, there is duty to report which is why I try not to give much info on myself. I know who I can talk to if I feel like I am in immediate danger to myself though. It's a good question about visiting the website and tbh I don't have an answer. I'd ask my supervisor but I don't need her knowing I log on here sometimes. >< Kind of have the same feeling that I should be able to access sites like this in my spare time :) I'm not a frequent user but it's nice to have a support network of strangers here

 

[liquidcherry]

I'm not but I am curious I suppose. Do you find yourself having to give advice that you don't believe in yourself, or that hasn't helped you? Or, are you able to use your own experience to give a more understanding approach? I imagine it could be nice to speak to someone who understands the struggle first hand. Still, I guess you aren't advised to reveal personal information either.

The closest I've got is considering teaching. I'm actually in a creative profession but, it's very difficult to sustain financially so, I've considered and done all sorts of jobs. I went for, but never got further than the interview on teaching/technician positions. Really though- I thought maybe that was for the best. I'd be unlikely to be able to give them much hope for their creative futures without lying to them and I doubt I'd be able to do that convincingly. It's a very difficult industry to get in to and then sustain. But, I think hope is so important and I'm too much of a pessimist to really sell hope.

Do you ever feel like you simply can't help people because you haven't been helped by it yourself? That's got to be horrible. I guess if it helps even a little though, it has to be good.

But yes, I do find passive ideation comforting. Active ideation- not so much. The actual nuts and bolts part of actually killing myself and pulling it off terrifies me.

I think sometimes assisting others with their struggle is easier than supporting yourself. But that's just me, I'm sure there are people who feel very differently. I made this post when I was in a bad headspace and I haven't really struggled with ideation the last few weeks (yay!)

Most days I try to think of it this way: no matter what happens to me, if I can make a difference in one person's life, I've done my job. Even if that's just a seed planted in their head or something small, it might be something they revisit at a time they truly need it. It might not make a difference now, but that's not to say it won't in the future.

I've worked hard at getting to a place where I can be more stable and functional. Like I said, I wrote this post on a really bad day... not every day is a bad day. I can certainly relate to people who have the continued struggle of thought/ideation, because it seems to come and go. I have had a few moments of despair where I think, damn, I'll never have my shit together so how can I help anyone else? I think a lot of it is imposter syndrome when you break it down. You could be the most effective counselor and still have days or phases where you feel like you haven't made a difference at all. And that goes for any career really, but especially "helping" professions. I think teaching is really incredible, I thought about going into that, and nursing as well. At the end of the day, despite finances, I think doing something you love and that brings you happiness is the most important. The rest will work itself out one way or another. Life is crazy and unpredictable that way :)

Substance abuse counselors are like at the bottom of the totem pole for MH workers. Pay sucks and it can be very discouraging and draining emotionally and mentally. But I really love it. It's worth the headaches and heartaches.

 

[maniac116]

Any healthcare worker is a mandated reporter. The lines get blurry when you're not on the job and not directly caring for clients. It's especially difficult when you're online. But yes, it is a threat to our job if it were to come out that we were on here. No healthcare organization, mental or physical or both, wants to be employing someone who is on a site like this. I'm sure many jobs, even outside of healthcare, wouldn't be too keen to keep an employee on here.

I was a mental health nurse & you are correct; the licensing boards give you a license but they keep one hand in your license, ready to take it away from you if laws or ethics are violated. That's their leverage. So if you do anything wrong your license can be restricted or taken from you.

 

[2messdup]

I didn't challenge the op to a fist fight, I challenged their choice of profession. I didn't do so to appear almighty, I did so precisely because they are suicidal, whilst working in a profession that deals with potentially suicidal people. Weird and isolating though that may feel for them, it can't be as weird and isolating as being treated by them. The op has career choices and those choices are their own, the people they stand to treat maybe don't have any choice.

No, them wanting to see if there are other people who work in mh on here wasn't an invitation for me to challenge their career choices as someone who ought to have been benefiting from their services. But their claiming to be a substance abuse counsellor was. If op wanted to see if there are other mh on here who can relate to what they are going through, that was very naïve, tantamount to professional suicide. Unless it was to make sure there are no mh professionals here who might report their issues.

And no they didn't ask for my help in deciding their career path, but then I wasn't giving it.

My challenging the op's choice of profession wasn't an invitation to be mistreated by the op's fan club, and this being a safe space I don't have to put up with it. If the op, as an off-duty substance abuse counsellor with issues, can't speak for themselves with a challenging chronic substance abuser on a suicide discussion forum, they needn't worry. I've lost all interest in hearing what they've got to say for themselves now and won't be coming back for more. So well done you. I was causing so much of grief and pain. You saved op from the nasty man. You're number one fan. You saved the world. Substance abuse counsellor op who's worth every penny and is only suicidal because they care too much, can enjoy their thread in perfect peace now.

A simple "no I'm not a mental health worker" would have sufficed. Why not stop this and go on with your day.

 

[piger]

If I don't kill myself Im trying to go back to school to pursue an MFT license. Anyone in entering this field is either fucked up themselves, has a savior complex, or both!

 

[2messdup]

I'm not a MH worker but I just wanted to say I hope you're not too upset by Steppenwolf. And just to say I love my MH workers. The MH practitioner with lived experience and, I'd say, not through it yet, my psych nurse who never gives anything away about himself but is the wisest, kindest person. And the crisis team who are the most brilliant people I've been privileged to know. There's bound to be the odd one who isn't so good but I have absolute respect and thanks to anyone who is brave and kind enough to do the job. Xxx

I am a substance abuse counselor intern, been in the field for almost two years now. In school for a BSW and hoping to eventually become a LCSW. Battled suicidal ideation and an attempt about 10 years ago in high school that landed me in the troubled teen industry, which fucked me up more. The thoughts of suicide are recurrent and I cannot seem to get away. It's funny that I work with clients presenting with co-occurring disorders like substance abuse and schizoaffective disorders, major depressive disorders, anxiety, PTSD, BP1, etc. and can't seem to regulate myself despite also getting professional help and being on medication. Just wondering if anyone else here works in the MH field and has similar experiences or feelings. I empathize with people who have attempted suicide and feel like ultimately (maybe) if I'm ever brave enough, one day that will be how I move on. Death is inevitable anyway but there is a peaceful allure to it. Like a warm blanket on a cold day. Sometimes I feel at peace knowing I won't be around forever. Take care of yourselves in whatever you choose to do.

Thank you so much for caring for and looking after others whilst still battling your own demons.

I am a substance abuse counselor intern, been in the field for almost two years now. In school for a BSW and hoping to eventually become a LCSW. Battled suicidal ideation and an attempt about 10 years ago in high school that landed me in the troubled teen industry, which fucked me up more. The thoughts of suicide are recurrent and I cannot seem to get away. It's funny that I work with clients presenting with co-occurring disorders like substance abuse and schizoaffective disorders, major depressive disorders, anxiety, PTSD, BP1, etc. and can't seem to regulate myself despite also getting professional help and being on medication. Just wondering if anyone else here works in the MH field and has similar experiences or feelings. I empathize with people who have attempted suicide and feel like ultimately (maybe) if I'm ever brave enough, one day that will be how I move on. Death is inevitable anyway but there is a peaceful allure to it. Like a warm blanket on a cold day. Sometimes I feel at peace knowing I won't be around forever. Take care of yourselves in whatever you choose to do.

Thank you so much for caring for and looking after others whilst still battling your own demons.

 

[Fangarina]

I had one of the best CPNs on earth. She understood me when I felt nobody else did. She empathised, listened, guided and helped me through an inanely difficult and complex period of my life.
She CTB about 5 months into my care.
Devastated beyond belief BUT she was a human who poured her heart into helping and she had hands on experience of my suicidal ways. M/H workers sometimes fall into this so they can try help prevent people from going down the same path they have been on. Some end up this way after trauma later in life. Nobody knows and it shouldn't really matter.

Also. Stepponwolf- I don't think anyone has the right to 'challenge' anyones career paths. Especially not on here. A safe space for everyone. And gaslighting saying that your safe space is being removed because you challenges someone you had no space to challenge is weird. Nobody made this unsafe for you, but you…. OP is not your direct worker, you can scroll on by instead of actively tying to be nasty for no valid reason. Why are you trying to teach anyone anything, because you are bitter? Behave….

Fuck. If people knew my career path, it would cause an uproar (not emergency services for clarity but still an incredibly stressful and responsible job). But I'm suicidal, I come here for support from others who are in the same storm as I am. I will CTB, but that doesn't impact my job or my relationships around me. Because all my thoughts are my own and when I do CTB I will do it with the least amount of impact I can on people.

 

[liquidcherry]

If I don't kill myself Im trying to go back to school to pursue an MFT license. Anyone in entering this field is either fucked up themselves, has a savior complex, or both

I support you going back to school to achieve your dreams! Wishing you nothing but success and peace <3

I had one of the best CPNs on earth. She understood me when I felt nobody else did. She empathised, listened, guided and helped me through an inanely difficult and complex period of my life.
She CTB about 5 months into my care.
Devastated beyond belief BUT she was a human who poured her heart into helping and she had hands on experience of my suicidal ways. M/H workers sometimes fall into this so they can try help prevent people from going down the same path they have been on. Some end up this way after trauma later in life. Nobody knows and it shouldn't really matter.

Also. Stepponwolf- I don't think anyone has the right to 'challenge' anyones career paths. Especially not on here. A safe space for everyone. And gaslighting saying that your safe space is being removed because you challenges someone you had no space to challenge is weird. Nobody made this unsafe for you, but you…. OP is not your direct worker, you can scroll on by instead of actively tying to be nasty for no valid reason. Why are you trying to teach anyone anything, because you are bitter? Behave….

Fuck. If people knew my career path, it would cause an uproar (not emergency services for clarity but still an incredibly stressful and responsible job). But I'm suicidal, I come here for support from others who are in the same storm as I am. I will CTB, but that doesn't impact my job or my relationships around me. Because all my thoughts are my own and when I do CTB I will do it with the least amount of impact I can on people.

That is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry things ended this way. I am glad you got to experience empathy, understanding, and true connection with someone in that position, even if for a little while. Thank you for sharing that on this thread. Sending hugs and peace your way. <3

 

[Fangarina]

That is heartbreaking and I'm so sorry things ended this way. I am glad you got to experience empathy, understanding, and true connection with someone in that position, even if for a little while. Thank you for sharing that on this thread. Sending hugs and peace your way. <3

Thank you.

And thank you for all you do in spite of your own struggles. People would do well to remember that health workers are human too, and we all have our own battles.
I like to think that the things you deal with internally are a big enough push for you to help others who are in the depth of their hard times.
I know that despite how I struggle, I still spend most of my time trying to make others see the world in a brighter light, and reminding them that things are not going to be awful forever if they seek help. Hypocritical of me really, but I guess it's the same as what you do but on a bigger basis. If we can't fix ourselves, we will try and fix others and even if you only save one person you have done the job you set out to do.

 

[amerie]

It's okay to be not "okay" just because you're a professional. The world is fucked and it's just rational and normal to not want to be here anymore especially after the great trauma you experienced. It's good that you are spending your years here caring for the mentally unwell.