Discussion Any fellow trans people here?

[coolgal82]

It seems like there arent many from what ive seen but idk. anyone else here trans?

for me personally dysphoria is like one of the biggest reasons i want to ctb. even if it hasnt been that bad usually it's always lurking in the background as a reminder that even if i were to treat any other issues i have, i'd still never be able to live a happy life in this body. even ignoring the current media craze and hate towards trans people, i will never be satisfied with my body. i will never be able to have kids. i wont even be able to have sex properly (unless i get SRS which id only get from like thailand so itd be as realistic as possible and self lubricating or i'd feel worse but thats super fucking expensive, but even with that it just isnt the same.) it just makes me not even wanna try and treat anything else yknow?

so like as i said, any fellow trans people here? and like how has been trans affected your desire to CTB, do you think if you recieved your desired body that you'd no longer want to CTB?

 

[eeah]

yes hi its me im trans people. i think there are a decent amount but its also like. tran r only like what 3% of the pop. and while id imagine they'd be over-represented here, i think not everyone is obviously tran going by their profile even if they are.

it is one of the reasons for me, probably main reason. bc dysphoria ofc, i hate being a man and looking like a man etc. also bc my dad really did not react well when i got outed, but i dont think thats really a reason for me to kms just makes me sad lol.

my current plan is to kms when i get kicked out, since i cannot find a cs job after graduation. and since im a fuckup that cant find a good job, i'll never afford FFS which is really the reason. bc i think if i was just existing as a woman (or passed) i wouldnt really care what my life situation was that much. but since i need FFS to get there, if im stuck in wagie job forever i just dont think thats worth it since ill never afford it. so really even unemployment reasoning goes back to being a tran. lol.

i think if i had my desired body, or honestly just desired face, then i wouldnt want to kms yea. idk if id be happy but i dont think id be here at least lol

 

[render]

yep that's me hi, i'm ftm. it's not my main reason why im here but it sure isnt helping, i always hated my body and i don't think i'd be happy continuing to live like this. it's also kind of shattered my ability to trust my family because i don't think a single one of them would be even remotely supportive, but i guess that's what i get for being ethnic korean. i want to transition after im able to be financially independent but this economy is a nightmare and i don't think i'll be able to transition for a long time. i'd rather just die than live another three years in this body

i'm sorry you're on this site. i'm sorry any of us are on this site. the world fucking sucks and i want it to burn

 

[hellworldprincess]

I'm trans and I honestly feel like the percentage of trans people on this website is larger than the percentage of us at pride.
To me dysphoria is only one of the lesser reasons to want to die, but it's definitely like a constant buzzing in the back of my mind.
To those of you who 'only' need a few surgeries, I'm fucking furious that you don't have a state health care system to provide for you.
To those who are rejected by their families, I really hope you'll find a better family of your own choice.
I know the suicide website is probably not the best place to say this but we kind of should survive out of spite and to not become part of a statistic.
<3

 

[yxmux]

I'm MtF. Funnily enough estrogen (which I've been on for almost 3 years at this point) did wonders to my face but not my body, and I think most trans women have the opposite problem. Switching to injections didn't help with that. I added progesterone around 2 months ago. I'm hoping that's the missing key, but I can't be too optimistic. Least I can do in retreat into my fantasy world for the next few centuries, or die impatient. Obviously my collection of disorders doesn't end at gender dysphoria though.

Edit: The fact that I wasn't born female or at least transitioned earlier (even though I started "early") is a trauma in it of itself that I don't believe is resolvable.

 

[cantThinkOfName]

If I had my dream body and face I wouldn't want to kms. But my chances of getting to that point are gone. Too late to take puberty blockers since I had no idea transition was an option and my only exposure to trans people as a child was everyone mocking them and calling them freaks. I can't afford to get the shit tons of surgeries to attempt to undo the effects of puberty and look even remotely like a women. Can't afford going private and the NHS is shit. Diy would help with hrt but hrt will just make me look like a man with boobs. I'm fucked. My only hope is that reincarnation is a thing and I can get reincarnated as a women, or at the very least a trans person with access to treatment in a world that doesn't hate them.

 

[Gone soon]

I am trans too. Feel free to contact me if you want to

 

[cal_staysthesame]

im ftm & my dysphoria, inability to get care, and lack of understanding from my parents are big reasons as to why I want to commit suicide. its all too much! I cant deal with not having been born in the right body much longer. its nice to know there are other likeminded people at least

 

[cracklingroses]

I am ftm. Fortunate to have been able to get on testosterone and have top surgery. It helps a lot and I am really grateful. I spent years binding in dangerous ways and I didn't know if I was going to be able to live like that. It definitely contributed to my suicide attempts. Now I have been encapsulated in constant "paranoia", which I put in quotations because it is a real fear, of people attacking me if I ever leave the house. I haven't been able to get the mental health treatment I need (residential) because I am trans and it has caused a lot of issues when I have been in psych wards and treatment programs. It is hell being transgender and I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy. I knew I was a boy since I was 4. Grew up in a catholic elementary school. Life has been hell because of being transgender. I have gone stealth now but that has left me incredibly isolated. I am a paranoid hermit who can't leave my house alone. It is still a nightmare. I don't know if it will ever get better. I am terrified of the world. I was bullied horribly in my youth. Sorry for TMI. Just know that there are definitely people here who relate. I am really sorry it is so hard. It should not be hard to live as yourself in this world. Our society is mad and sick. Stay safe and take care

 

[deadtiffany]

I'm transfem. Sort of a sidenote but I think its funny that I chose a masculine sounding psuedonym when I made this account (was seriously repressing my thoughts relating to my gender expression) and then I came to regret choosing "Earl" because I would've rather chosen a feminine sounding username. Now I've come all the way around and realized my username is just fine, as "Earl" is "Dead". I am no longer an "Earl". Anyways.

Although being transgender isn't the biggest factor in why I want to ctb, it certainly is a factor. I frequently feel so deeply distraught and frustrated knowing I may never be comfortable with myself, and no one in the world will ever understand exactly how I feel about myself. Even if I do become satisfied with my body, most of everyone around me won't. People who don't even notice me today would be disgusted by my existence if I were to look more like how I feel I should. I simply can not make this work for myself. This world isn't cut out for a "man" like me. When I die, I will be a "man". My family will mourn a "man". My death and memory would be as deceitful and pathetic as my life was, but atleast I wouldn't have to experience any of it.

I'm transfem. Sort of a sidenote but I think its funny that I chose a masculine sounding psuedonym when I made this account (was seriously repressing my thoughts relating to my gender expression) and then I came to regret choosing "Earl" because I would've rather chosen a feminine sounding username. Now I've come all the way around and realized my username is just fine, as "Earl" is "Dead". I am no longer an "Earl".

Nevermind, you can change your username

 

[FlufflesAway]

I don't think I'm trans. I think women are beautiful and I think it's rather normal to want to surround yourself with things you like. If I could choose I would choose to be born a cute girl, but then if I was a woman who liked men would I not want to be a man?

I'm not familiar with trans-thought, though I see it has links to cptsd. Does cptsd make you trans? Or does being trans make you suffer from cptsd? It's all too complicated.

 

[LunarLight]

Hey, I'm a trans girl. It's not the biggest factor in wanting to CTB but it's definitely a heavy one as it made me increasingly isolated and I'm afraid of holding studies/a job/going out of my apartment because of that. Dysphoria too hits hard, I started balding at 16 and HRT never reversed MPB, I'm very hairy so I can't really wear anything too feminine lest I get physically or verbally assaulted. I feel disgusting and sometimes regret starting HRT as I would do anything to get my male privilege back…

 

[LongLegs24]

I'm transmasc! I typed out FtM but it seems weird using that acronym since I'm pre (medical) transition and will never get the chance to medically transition now It's not at all a factor in me needing to ctb but it's certainly made the short life I've had more miserable Would love to chat anytime if you want to vent!

 

[guineapiglover8503]

It seems like there arent many from what ive seen but idk. anyone else here trans?

for me personally dysphoria is like one of the biggest reasons i want to ctb. even if it hasnt been that bad usually it's always lurking in the background as a reminder that even if i were to treat any other issues i have, i'd still never be able to live a happy life in this body. even ignoring the current media craze and hate towards trans people, i will never be satisfied with my body. i will never be able to have kids. i wont even be able to have sex properly (unless i get SRS which id only get from like thailand so itd be as realistic as possible and self lubricating or i'd feel worse but thats super fucking expensive, but even with that it just isnt the same.) it just makes me not even wanna try and treat anything else yknow?

so like as i said, any fellow trans people here? and like how has been trans affected your desire to CTB, do you think if you recieved your desired body that you'd no longer want to CTB?

Transfem Jew reporting in. To be honest, those two parts of my identity have made it so hard for me to find friends. I take pride in being both transfem and Jewish but I also acknowledge that many of those around me aren't proud of me and decide to have those parts of my identity affect what they think. If I were to get my dream body tho I think it might convince me not to. At least I will be more comfortable. Funny enough I get the most dysphoria and get a bit shy when I'm participating in stuff like the girls' traditions in theatre as when I do them I don't see myself fitting in but rather insecure due to some past experiences.

I've been on blockers for the past few years and it has caused me to develop some breast tissue which can be really obvious without a shirt on but otherwise just makes me look fitter than I am by making it look like I have muscle (I've gotten undeserved compliments for being fitter than I am xd). I have the option to go on estrogen as well but I'm waiting for when I graduate soon and go to college because the one I chose is majority queer. I also did voice training over the summer bur I've had to abandon it because I have literally no free time due to the heavy workload I'm getting, but I digress.

In short, if I were to get my dream body and voice it might steer me off my current course

 

[DeathSleep]

Hi, I'm ftm. Being dysphoric is definitely one of my top reasons for wanting to ctb. I feel like it holds me back from being in relationships too. (Other than being awkward and not going out much anyways.) I'm just lonely and don't ever think I'll find someone who would be comfortable with me. I'm 36. I've been on hormones for years and have had top surgery. It's still not enough. It's helped for sure. But I mean every time I go to pee I'm reminded that I'm trans. Even getting surgery for that still wouldn't be thet same and I hate that I have to have surgery to feel comfortable with myself. I'm uncomfortable with being outed by people who carelessly mention it to others not realizing that it could actually be dangerous. I'm just over it.

Also, there is a transgender support megathread if you're interested. (I think there's a fancy way to post the link but I don't remember how so hopefully this works.)
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/transgender-support-megathread.116555/

 

[Addled and Rattled]

I'm non-binary, I'm not sure if that counts aha. I try to be as androgynous as possible, but it is kind of hard to deal with constantly being put in a box (a binary, if you will). I hate labeling myself, which I guess makes me equivalent to an edgy middle schooler. I don't think people accepting me as what I am would help much, generally because I have given up. I use any pronouns though, so it technically doesn't matter. (My coworker has started referring to me as AC, which is not a pronoun, and that makes it funny.) I do wear a binder sometimes, and have considered taking HRT, but don't really have access to that. I'm just trying to lean out (have been for as long as I can remember), I am pretty strong but I'm also just kinda chubby so it shows my curves more. My depression is coming in clutch though because I've lost 22 lbs since I'm too exhausted to cook or eat.

All in all I don't think I have it that bad. My heart goes out to all of you that are struggling with this, I wish all of you had access to care and support. I wish the world was kinder.

 

[ladylazarus4]

Idk if this counts but I have dysphoria. I used to identify as non-binary and socially transitioned but no longer do so. I still have dysphoria for sure but I definitely identify as a woman. I hate my female-ness but also I don't want to be anything else, if that makes sense.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I'm also nb. I'm happy there's a lot of trans people here, but also sad...

 

[AtheistCDsissy]

Not exactly trans here though I thought I was at one point. For myself, I'd need to be on HRT to truly consider myself trans, so instead I'm just a crossdresser or a sissy. Labels are rough, it's often hard to find exactly where you fit.

 

[Divinus]

I'm transsex and socially transitioned at 14 and medically transitioned at 15. Even though I 105% pass I'm not satisfied, I could've transitioned younger but my doctors all led me on. I was diagnoised with gender dysphoria at 12 for further context...

Its on my mind constantly and I have vivid dreams of killing the doctors who took advantage of me. I have so many insecurities all they all trace back to the moment when time should've been seized.

Its hard for anyone with no GD to picture how it is to live with the sex you wish not to be. That and also, dealing with the irreversible changes on your body that could've been prevented if you got the attention you needed.

 

[We Are Angels]

Its hard for anyone with no GD to picture how it is to live with the sex you wish not to be. That and also, dealing with the irreversible changes on your body that could've been prevented if you got the attention you needed.

I feel you. I transitioned at 19. It sucks to be a transsexual female, because unless you transitioned before puberty, which is less than one percent of us, you will not look like a natural born woman. I truely hate religous nuts who want to stop everyone from transitioning. I pass most the time but I am still getting clocked on occasion. At least trans men pass better (on average) and dont have to worry about clocking that much.

Everytime I get clocked, it's another assurance that I am permanently deformed, and will never be percived as normal. Just another reason I will ctb.

Shit's fucked

 

[nails]

ftm here but i don't have the money or courage to transition.

 

[wren-briar]

I am ftm. Fortunate to have been able to get on testosterone and have top surgery. It helps a lot and I am really grateful. I spent years binding in dangerous ways and I didn't know if I was going to be able to live like that. It definitely contributed to my suicide attempts. Now I have been encapsulated in constant "paranoia", which I put in quotations because it is a real fear, of people attacking me if I ever leave the house. I haven't been able to get the mental health treatment I need (residential) because I am trans and it has caused a lot of issues when I have been in psych wards and treatment programs.

I so identify!

I'm a ftm, transdude.

Also fortunate to get T. (Started in my late 30's and am now in my early 50's).

Had to save up (both money and time off) for 12 years before I could have top surgery. I bound the whole time and have shoulder problems that were probably exacerbated by binding, basically ~18 hrs a day for that long..

Being trans contributed to my first attempt to CTB 2 decades ago.

While I long ago got over my fear of leaving the house (I 100% pass), I was recently subjected to unasked for, unwanted, unneeded, pleaded not to be subjected to it, mother-f'ing psychiatric crisis f'ing interventions (when I sought exclusively unbiased medical care) including a coffin room and psych prison.

(a) I'm killing myself as a direct and explicit response to that subjugation. (very detailed background and details available at https://wrenbriar.gitlab.io), so being trans had absolutely no impact on my current decision to CTB

(b) However, being trans absolutely made the coffin room, including the dehumanizing strip search, and psych prison experiences just that much traumatizing. (I.e. insult to an already suicide-inducing experience when I sought help for a condition which turned out to be caused by and drastically exacerbated by supposed MH professionals' "treatments" and gaslighting for more than a year, and which, if said exclusively unbiased medical care had actually been provided, would have given me a reason to continue living)

instead I'm just a crossdresser

Where I'm at, crossdressing still falls felirmly under the "transgender" umbrella.

Labels are rough, it's often hard to find exactly where you fit.

So, so true, in so many different areas of life!!!

 

[BlueButterfly19]

I'm a transman. Been on HRT for almost 10 years now and had top surgery about 5 years ago. Being trans has only ever been a reason for me being suicidal as not having supportive parents. I had severe dysphoria before transitioning but after transitioning dysphoria is almost nonexistent now. I pass all the time in person, only time I have trouble getting misgendered is when I speak on the phone (I have had people say my voice sounds androgynous so when they see me in person there's no question I'm a guy despite my voice). I think if it weren't for the supportive friends I had during a very critical time in my life I probably would have killed myself a long time ago.

 

[trappedinthislife]

Heyo! Trans woman here. I think the forum has a lot of us around, there's even a trans support megathread. Im hanging in here I guess. Im 21, wont be on HRT for like 10 years because Im working on immigrating first and want to have the best chance of succeeding.

This forum have been a huge support system for me. Praying that I make it. I got a long journey to walk though, and my legs are tired.

My parents doesn't know about this. And I pray that they do not know until I am independent.

The trans community is my reason to fight. Its the reason why I am not giving up. I have a community and I will stick around for them.

 

[cutiepatootiew/rizz]

It seems like there arent many from what ive seen but idk. anyone else here trans?

for me personally dysphoria is like one of the biggest reasons i want to ctb. even if it hasnt been that bad usually it's always lurking in the background as a reminder that even if i were to treat any other issues i have, i'd still never be able to live a happy life in this body. even ignoring the current media craze and hate towards trans people, i will never be satisfied with my body. i will never be able to have kids. i wont even be able to have sex properly (unless i get SRS which id only get from like thailand so itd be as realistic as possible and self lubricating or i'd feel worse but thats super fucking expensive, but even with that it just isnt the same.) it just makes me not even wanna try and treat anything else yknow?

so like as i said, any fellow trans people here? and like how has been trans affected your desire to CTB, do you think if you recieved your desired body that you'd no longer want to CTB?

hello I am also trans

 

[that_miqo'te]

Trans, my body is wrong and I can't fix it and it's why I'm going to ctb

 

[godforbidpain]

helo, im trans too. would say im genderless, to be specific.
my dysphoria is definitely a big reason for me wanting to CTB. its hard out here

 

[folly_]

another nb here, i think it has for sure been part of my decision to ctb but definitely not the main or only reason. im not unhappy with my physical body but i know that the body i have looks very gendered. id have to change one of the few things i like about myself to be able to be recognized for what i know i am (´ρ`)

 

[Duochrome-Seahorse]

Enby here!! I feel like no one will actually take my identity seriously after being like this for over 10 years...